Platonic Friendships

According to my dear friend, a girl can never have a guy best friend... If they are best friends now, it's only a matter of time before something happens... Tt is only if the guy in question is NOT GAY (i really have nothing against gay men. In fact, I know gay men happen to make the bestest, wildest, bitchiest, funniest bestie tt any girl can ask for...)

Personal opinion: I think it's kinda hard to imagine tt u can spend so much time with tt person and not slowly develop feelings for the other... Afterall, u 2 are hanging out so often because u enjoy each other's company (first criteria when falling in love, ain't it?) and u think he's a nice person (admit it, when someone asks for ur opinion about him, u smile to urself and mumble an inaudible ''he's nice.........'', yesh, complete with the trail off at the end).

To be able to be best friends with ur lover is important i think... Lust and passion of the honeymoon period will give way to mutual understanding and comforting love... As the years pass, even tt kind of romantic feeling may go but being best friends, u can love each other and care for each other until the end...

Think about it the next time someone approaches you and ask, ''Are u 2 together?'' and u try to shrug it off with a simple, ''We are just good/best friends...''

Last Quiz for the Sem

I finished the last quiz for this semester... Econs... 30%... And good lil genius (tt is me) actually was lucky enough to get 15/20!!! =)

Haha!!! I thank lady luck for being kind to me so far and please don't stop... I need all the luck i can have when it comes to academics!!! And while u are at it, pay a lil more attention to the love department... Ooh La La!!!

*check out the mega-watt grin, yesh, crooked teeth and all...* I'm going to put all my PASSION and all my DRIVE into studying... YESH!!! Nerdy season is here... Gonna be mountain tortoise again... Muahahahahaha~!!

P.S: Kherray and I have come up with a new term....
PMS - Psychology Mugging Session... Please do not disturb when we are having our PMS... Thank you... =P

Emotionally Drained

It can be so tiring but it has never hit me as strongly as tonight... Maybe it's the rain, or maybe it's the absence of my walking jukebox (my roomie), or maybe it's just me...

Sitting and waiting for something more to happen... This kind of one-sided longing is starting to sap me big time... Putting up the nonchalant strong facade is the worst thing i have to do everyday... Be bright and cheery so no one knows what i really feel inside...

I chastise myself each time i am standing at my door and i cautiously peek at his room door (no, i'm not stalking him, at least trying not to... haha!), I chastise myself each time my heart lurch when msn announces tt he has come online (my heart does a cartwheel so marvellous tt will make Vincent so proud) and I just can't help but smile each time he chats with me online without me initiating the conversation (these moments are so rare tt it can almost be classified as endangered)...

I never knew tt to love someone one-sided was so tough and painful... Lovely possibilities have probably flown out the window and I should look forward but I keep lingering, hoping tt a miracle might just happen... Is this karma?! I should have been nicer when rejecting ppl, at least i won't feel so guilty now...

I fill this empty room with songs but most songs talk about love... What's wrong with the world?!?! I might just have to start downloading National Day songs to drive all these melancholic (hehe!! 2pts for improved vocab) and depressing (pass me the Prozac) thoughts away... Bleh!!!

Love Buzz...

Oh my goodness~!! Tweeties a.k.a The Nuns Club is going to chui soon... The 5 main comm members who were the core at the HQ which is Blk 18 is at risk of disbanding... Love is in the air and everyone seems to be caught up in something...

Tonight, it's only going to be me and Raye (the one with the lan tao hua.. but it's still tao hua!), the 2 lil nuns still hanging around... Bleh!! Someone even went out to rara and left a note to tell me to study hard... How inspiring... =P

Then one went out to meet with ''old friends''... Dun noe true or not... The last one has rugby training (u are excused) so tt left me and Raye exchanging rueful looks as each SMS came pouring in to notify us of their absence this evening...

OH YAH!!!

The most HAPPENING NEWS of all... Limei and I went to sleep last night WITHOUT LOCKING THE DOOR!!! Like, how DANGEROUS is tt?!?! Apparently Limei had the ultimate heart attack when Dav came crashing through the door this morning...

A note to those who see this, please remind us to lock our doors at night before u say good night to us online... Luckily no one came creeping into the room in the middle of the night... *shudders*

Stupid Jeans...

I did the worst thing ever in the history of laundry washing....

I put my jeans together with the rest of my clothes to be washed... Now my favourite yellow tank-top has this bluish tinge to it... Argh!!! Luckily the rest were mostly dark-coloured shorts and tees so no damage there...

Let us observe a minute of silence to mourn the loss of the bright yellow tt my tank-top once was.... Boo hoo hoo!!! =(

Butt-ache

My butt is hurting... especially near the butt-bone (is tt what it's called?) area... Serious damage here... Haiz...

Seriously, cut me some slack... All tt locking is getting to me... It makes me feel old and saggy... Haha!!! I know it looks ugly when ur butt wobbles up there but all tt clamping of the butt muscles are making me walk like a dun-noe-what... Butt sticking out, leaning a little forward...

Well, the only consolation is, i should have a nice,firm, derriere at the end of it all... Move over Kylie and Beyonce, here comes A-K-I!!

P.S: ok fine, and Yuwen....

You've Got Mail

Watched it for the umpteenth time this morning... I dun noe why i'm such a sucker for this movie... Is it Meg Ryan's perky nose?? Or the beautiful New York scenery?? Or the romantic notion of the old-style bookshop?? After all, I was inspired by Chocolat to open my own confectionery shop and I wanted a shopfront just like Meg's bookstore... Sighz....

I was really into the confectionery shop... Talked to my sisters about it and all... It'll be a little like Essential Brew at Holland V (the shop layout) but much more cozy...

Lots of red and yellows and white... Big windows to bring in the natural light... Warm, orange lighting for tt dreamy feel... Small pots of greenery on the window sill and tt little bell at the door to welcome each guest tt walks in... A big glass showcase of the little desserts and sweets we have... Cushions, magazines and coffee-table books... Abstract paintings tt make their presence felt on the walls, mostly framed in dark wood...

Imagine walking in to be enveloped by the rich smell of coffee and chocolates (not the stinky type tt u can smell in Boon Lay), sitting down to a cup of hot English Breakfast while u daintily taste the souffle or cake... Or just curling up with ur loved one and feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries, courtesy of the fondue pot...


Sweet... Real sweet.... =)

Emotional Roller Coaster

Suddenly, i feel so unsure of myself... Find myself lost and i do see a way back but dun feel the need to follow it... So many ppl around but i feel the sick loneliness tt makes me hate myself for being weak... So many things to do but i let my mind wander, to ponder, to think, to muse, to reflect, to grieve...

I have officially lost myself and see nothing but emptiness ahead... Is living for the Now really what i want? Can i take the consequences tt tml will bring? Tt one moment of peace and illusion tt elevates my moods now may only cause me to spiral further down in the end...

Actually, i only want one thing... Just tt one thing... But it's beyond my reach... I only see my fingers grasp the shadow of it, and i think, it's all just a dream... A painfully beautiful dream tt only makes one grieve when one wakes from it...

Sometimes i wonder, if not for my own selfish desire to pacify my own emotions, will all these be happening now?? Would things have flowed another way and life would i have much more than the dream tt lingers in my mind?? I awaken from the dream, and see tt ghost depart, only to fall asleep again... And the next time i open my eyes, I can only pray for the return of tt dream... Soon...

A Letter To Di...

Hey girl,

u say u like my blogskin?? Everyone does... It sort of reminds me of the times when we were really carefree and just having a good time out with the girls... We weren't looking for attention or love, just enjoying each other's company and having fun... And coz we came across as so darn confident, we attracted the stares of guys anyway... Ha!!

We haven't been talking much and we might not have the clearest of picture of what is going on in each other's lives... BUT, at least we know the BIG stuffs... I miss the sober heart-to-heart we had over cofee and mindless window shopping tt we engaged in to unwind... And of course, the bitching sessions.... What's a girl to do without a bitching session??

Oh yah, a trip to Far East is on my priority list, after the exams, as my clubbing shoes (yesh, the pointed, black, low-heeled one) has died on me.... It has seen one too many dancefloors... And one too many platforms... It's fate was kinda sealed the moment we started hitting Devil's together... Haha!! By the way, after this period of time in NTU, I have not bumped into Bran as of yet... Not really keeping my eyes peeled for him though!!

Hope u are alright with empty weekends... Don't mind me saying this, but i think it's really shitty tt he can't accompany u on weekends... Like, if not weekends, then when?? He might be giving up time with u for the next 2 months ONLY but still, he needs to give u more consolation than tt to expect u to stick around... But if he's THE ONE then yah, hold on... It might pain u to be giving so much but still play second fiddle to his PASSION, but don't let go if u think u'll regret it... Somethings only come around once and if it's gone, it's never coming back...

Of course, we are young only once and if tt goes, it's gone too.... Don't sit around moping, maybe try something tt u have always wanted to do... Make urself feel good about being ''single'' and time will pass quickly...

I was talking to Joy (our Hall Queen) last night on the taxi and we were talking about school and love... She was saying tt she realised tt she had lost her feelings for her ex a long time ago and hall-life didn't give her a chance to mope but just got her to move on really fast... I understand what she means... Things here overwhelm u in a weird way...

I feel sort of cut off from the rest of the world when I'm here and it didn't give me much chance to dwell on the unhappy things... Things-to-do lists jsut get longer, friends are forever coming over to rara together, there are activitied to take part in... U simply dun have time to think about and reflect on the sad things tt happened before... Haha!! Really good therapy...

We might be experiencing different kind of Uni-life but i think u will know what i'm trying to say...

I really feel this is the last-stop station before I go back to being the non-chalant, defensive, i-need-no-one, perfectionist bitch... Haha!!! Tt is if i can become one again... =)

Love u girl, and write to me more often...

U know my email and Friendster testimonials are always welcomed... *grinz*

Indochine ~Holland V~

Long Island Tea is nice, but never follow it with a Strawberry Frozen Margarita... It made me feel like I could swim in the middle of Lorong Mambong... What the fuck!!

I like the feeling of ease that alcohol can bring... For a while, my incoherent speech and unexplainable behaviour is alright with everyone and I dun have to give a reason as to why I'm laughing or crying... Just tt lil moment of escape but it makes me feel a lil relieved tt i had the chance to release them out...

I'm not turning to alcohol full-time, dun get me wrong... But I think YW had a point when she said tt i drink and party only coz I want to forget somethings... The say she hit the nail on the head kinda scares me but I like the ring of truth tt's to it... At least i think i'm understanding myself a lil more...

I was talking to SL today. In fact, we had dinner... I just realised tt if I had agreed to the plan he had for me after graduation, NTU would be my last-stop for youth... At the age of 24, I would have been preparing to get married and rear a family of my own... It just struck me more vividly tonight, how not ready I am to settle down... Maybe the vow I made to my mum years back might just come true.... I might really not want to get married until i was 29... What does tt say about me? Am I normal in thinking tt way??

Life is short and youth is even shorter... I am desperately clutching at straws to keep me here when I'm only 20... It scares me to know tt a day will come when I have to move on to the next phase in life... I'm so not ready for it...

I want someone by my side to love me till the end of time, stroll with me hand in hand, watch our kids grow up, play with our grandkids and understand each other... But can't imagine settling down now, or in the next 5 years... Beyond tt time, most probably yes, but no.... Not now...