Cravings

I am having some hungry thoughts now so I thought of blogging down all the things that I want to eat.

(1) Sushi
Adam has been having his crave too so I think it is rubbing off on me also.

(2) Chocolate chip cookies
Those rich, crumbly, really chocolatey kind.

(3) Cold fresh milk
If I am gg to have those cookies I want the milk too.

(4) Campbell's Soup
Cream of corn/mushroom to be exact. Like very long never drink mah.

(5) Sorbet
Just something refreshingly cold and tangy.

(6) Boiled/Steamed prawns
Yes, I love my seafood but the prawns would suffice for now.

(7) Carl's Jnr's beef chilli fries

I think this is it for now. Yes, FOR NOW. =)

Eat Pray Love - Elizabeth Gilbert

"I know this feeling all too intimately. I know the sad longing to delay the end of another February 4. This sadness is one of the great trials of the human experiment. As far as we know, we are the only species on the planet who have been given the gift - or the curse, perhaps - of awareness about our own mortality. Everything here eventually die; we're just the lucky ones who get to think about this fact everyday. How are you going to cope with this information? When I was nine, I couldn't do anything with it except cry. Later, over the years, my hypersensitive awareness of time's speed led me to push myself to experience life at a maximum pace. If I were going to have such a short visit on earth, I had to do everything possible to experience it now..."

I am still reading this book now but the first few chapters have already overwhelmed me with this sense of comfort and hope that in the end, nothing is more devastating than death so there's nothing to worry about the daily stuff. I like what an old woman told the author.

"There are only two questions that human beings have fought over, all through history. How much do you love me? And Who's in charge?"

Everything else is somehow manageable. But these two questions of love and control undo us all, trip us up and cause war, grief and suffering.

But all in all, the author somehow coped by writing to herself in a journal. And each time she scrawled "I need your help." She reminded herself how much she still loved herself even through all the dysfunctionality and the mistakes. That was the comfort and strength that she couldn't find anywhere else. What mattered was that she still loved herself, respected herself and that was enough. I like that.

At the end of the day, no matter what others say, if I choose not to let it affect me, it will not affect me. I don't have to sit around feeling sad and unhappy. I can seek out things and activities that makes me happy. The author has gone to Rome to learn Italian and gorged herself on the food there. Now I am with her on the journey to find God and serenity in an Ashram in India. I know she still has one last place to go in her book but I am relishing every word that is in the book.

What did I do so far? I chose to speak to one of my cousins and let it all out. Then I didn't think about it anymore. It wasn't hard to see that I shouldn't waste my time being upset about it. I went out with my friends and had a great time just having a quick dinner and then a drink together. I didn't allow my own sorrow spoil my time. Why should I allow this to consume my whole life? It just isn't worth it to give up other good things in life. I am thankful for these things.

Demoted

First, my pink jewellery box got demoted to just a plastic case. Then today, she had packed all my clothes and my extra pair of shoes and asked me to bring home. I'm not staying over anymore mah, so shouldn't need to have all those things at adam's place anymore. Even my spare hairband.

Somehow, I feel like I have been demoted. And it is because I can't stay over anymore. WTF.

It just got better

I forgot to complain yesterday about the amount of readings I have to do for the stupid GP. Yes, the ppl at HSS don't call it FYP (Final Year Project), they choose to call it GP (Graduation Project). Never do cannot graduate. Pah!

And those are just some background readings, i.e. all the courses we have been taking so far is USELESS. On top of tt, I will have to go find some of the studies done already and tt will probably be another 10 more articles. OMG.

So my holidays just got more MEANINGFUL.

Now tt I look at my calendar, I will start work on monday and tuition will continue on Mondays and Wednesday nights, plus all the readings... My time will just disappear man! Keeping me very very occupied... Argh!!! Tt's　why I don't like work. Let me just graduate and quickly start work!

Just a year more. It will pass in the blink of an eye.

It's sad

It's sad when good things come to an end. But then again, was it really good?? Now that u are crying and feeling down, is it really worth all the pain tt u go thru?? If it was a good thing, it wouldn't cause u pain and sorrow.

Maybe it is easy for others to say let go. U have been one of those ppl too before. But now tt it is ur turn, can u say no? Nothing is concrete yet, but think about it...

If he wants to eat the forbidden fruit, who can tell him no. If he decides to stay, will he really be satisfied with leaving the unknown to remain mysterious and stay by ur side? Who is to say tt his curiosity won't eat away at his heart, bit by bit, day by day?

On the other hand I know.

I know tt it hurts all the more because u love him. I know tt if he turns back, u will take his hand and everything will be forgotten. I know, because when I think of myself in ur shoes now, I know I will feel the same way too. I know tt is what will happen if he turns back too.

Nothing is set in stone yet so don't give up. Be proud of urself tt u are a sincere person tt stayed true to ur love. There is nothing to mourn for. Then again, don't make the ones tt really love u, worry for u.

I wish u weren't so far away tt I couldn't go to u. I wish I was able to say, "I will be right over."

I'm sorry tt I wasn't able to listen properly just now. I hope when u see this, u would be feeling better already. U have seen me in my worse pitfalls when it came to the matters of the heart. So please, let me know tt u are alright and tt u are willing to share ur thoughts and pain with me.

Zen

Today, before entering Nanyang Audi for our Cultural Psych paper, we walked to the toilet at the other end coz all the toilets were packed with ppl rushing to pee. The school was serene and the birds were chirping... We went into zen-mode too because of tt...

No matter what happens and what we do, the birds will always be chirping, the wind will continue to blow and the trees will be green. Life goes on. Ha.

Exams are coming

Technically, I only have 4 more days until my first paper. The amazing part? I am not anxious yet. Not even anxious THAT I am not anxious and that I have no mood to study at all. Haha! This is fucking deep shit!! But then, my mantra is, LIFE IS GOOD, so nothing should devastate me too much.

Just a bit sad that I have been swamped with project deadlines this past 2 weeks. BUt today is the last time I will be meeting the girls for project meeting for this semester. Just to tie up the loose ends and have the presentation slides done up. No matter how we may have our small differences and arguements, we really have good group dynamics. There is a kind of homeostasis within the group and everyone has a specific role to fulfill so really, work is really efficient. Come on, we can complete a project in A DAY if we set our minds to it. We've done it before, but I am sure we are not getting complacent. =)

Will be mugging at home from tml onwards, bye bye to hall. Will get to see Aya and Ami more. Just hope we don't kill each other with the overdose of seeing one another. hehe! Will be good to move home after staying in hall for 3 years. The 3 years were really good fun but now tt final year is coming and most of the RAINBOW SISTERS are not in hall anymore, it's kinda lonely I think. Just hope I survive this semester's exams too!!

we have become

so stubborn and strong that we have forgotten that we are made of flesh and bone too. We have forgotten that it is alright to ask for help and allow others to see that we are weak.

Learn to open your mouth and ask for help when you really need it. No point keeping your mouth shut and hiding everything, thinking that you are shielding us from it. If you do, you are no different from him.

in the junlge of cities

After today, I can concentrate on "paperwork"... Yes, all the work that needs to be done and printed on paper.. hehe!!!

We will finish French presentation and the CDP101 Final Performance today. After tt, we can say goodbye to all the abstract and the intangible assignments and concentrate on the black and white.

Nervous, and this fluttering in my stomach... Doesn't quite feel like butterflies or nerves... More like... HUNGRY!! Oh my, the bread in the morning wasn't enough!!! Should grab something to eat later... Alright, got to go... Painting my face also later... Haiz... Muackz!!!

April's Fool Day

And so I played pranks on Crystal, Diane and Adam...

I think poor Crystal was the one that really kena hammed and really worried about us. =) Izyan and I had lied that we were not gg to do FYP together coz we had a fight... And we were basically asking Crystal to choose the side that she wanted to be on... When I saw the worried look on her face, well, I felt a tinge of guilt... So I shifted my concentration to my lor-mai-kai (which izyan had queued to buy for me in the morning) so that I won't laugh or do anything silly...

Could really see the relief on Crystal's face when we told her that it was just a prank... hahaha!!

Well, Di's and Adam's were a bit more complicated... Basically the same story, that I was gg back to Japan to finish my studies there. Bestie fell for it and was flustering about in her sms-es and asking me so many questions. I LOVE YOU BESTIE!!! Told my ma about the prank and she actually chided me for doing tt to u!! =) You have been officially adopted.

Adam said he woke up in the morning all prepared for April's Fool Day so he didn't fall for it... A bit sad tt the prank fell flat but wells, dinner was on him. Had this Irish Stew with lamb and vegetables and it was ADDICTIVE!

I was telling Adam tt I might start developing a crave for it. It was so nice lah!! The lamb was tender and no funky smell to it. The broth was FANTABULOUS!! It was served simply with a breadroll. I tell you, I will miss it on rainy days when the raindrops are falling outside the window and the TV is showing CSI... I will want to just curl up on the sofa, all showered and clean in my PJs, with a bowl of tt Irish Stew and some breadrolls... Heaven!!

Oh, but before we had dinner, Adam pranked me... A small teeny one. We parked in front of some private houses and there was this darkened house.

Adam: "We are gg to eat at this fellow's house... No. 70... Eh, no... No. 68."
Me : "Seriously? Are you sure?"
(All I could see was a darkened house...)
Adam: "Yah. See the stone lions on the pillars there? It means it's a restaurant."
Me : "ARE YOU SURE?! But I think they are closed... *spots something*... Wait! It says here *something* Junior Playhouse!!"
Adam: "wahahahahahahahaha!!!"

And tt was when I realised, he is always pulling small pranks on me, each time we meet... Haha!! And making me laugh at his antics, his weird idea for the prank or at my own stupidity when he really gets me. And I knew then tt, I will probably feel very sad the day he stops doing tt to me. =) I hope I always remain his number one target for tickles and jokes.

P.S: Harmless jokes fine. Not those make-me-sia-suay kind... haha!