High Casualty Rate

Today's training resulted in pretty high casualty rates... Head banging, scratched arms and pulled muscles... Also bent spectacles and a lot of guys got facial rearrangements also... Look at all the sacrifices tt u all made...

Oh, and thanks to Diane for the ecard... Really brightened my day...

I hope everything turns out fine for cheer... Still got uniforms... Sigh... Cross my fingers and better pray hard... Bleh Bleh Bleh!!

Boxing Day

Met Diane today for a little breather after the long Xmas weekend... I really think we are growing old... We just don't have tt kind of stamina anymore for shopping like we used to in TP... After the purchase of 2 pairs of shorts from Fox, we were ready to call it a day, hang up our shopping bags and just sit down for a cuppa...

Can u imagine? We had just had a small meal at Mos Burger and Fox is practically next door... Apparently, we only had enough energy to walk tt few steps there and try on a couple of shorts and making payment before we were ready to find a chair to rest our butts... Haha!! What happened to those days when we could shop for hours in high heels and maybe even go clubbing after tt??? Disappointed in myself, really...

Today, a new adjective was used by Diane to describe me... Free-spirited...

What is exactly "free-spirited"...? The first thing tt came to mind was Native Indians, and then followed in a split second by Pocahontas... Tt word conjured an image of the wild plains, hills and rivers, very Pocahontas kind really... Haha!!

Well, I guess if to be "free-spirited" means being carefree and bounded by no restrictions, I sure hope I can live up to tt... Afterall, tt was what I had always envisioned my life to be... To do whatever I wanted and to have a lifestyle tt I could call uniquely mine... To be bounded by no one and to heed only my voice... To listen only to my heart and do everything to make myself happy...

Nothing matters more than to be happy right?? I mean, why live life if it will only be filled with dull and insignificant moments... And we only have one life to live... Shouldn't we do everything tt we want to do before time and age denies us of those opportunities and the energy to try new adventures??

It was a rather quiet yet meaningful Boxing Day... Just 2 old girlfriends exchanging little anecdotes about what we have been up to and to share what we really feel about each other's experiences and choices in life... Sometimes I feel tt Diane voices out all the practicalities tt I need to hear to keep me grounded... Emotions and might pull some clouds over my eyes but her voice has the clarity needed to get me to see things for what they are... She puts some perspective back into my life i guess...

What would I do w/o her, I wonder... It is really strange how I, a person who doesn't like to take instructions and likes to have control over her own life, will actually pay attention to what her bestie has to say about every little detail in my life from family ties to boyfriend troubles... And of course, we exchange information on other aspects of life tt no one, and I do mean NO ONE will ever hear us disclose...

I am glad tt I found you bestie, coz the promise we made 3 years ago, to never judge and never blab, still stands strong... I even feel tt sometimes, we take pleasure in knowing tt the other is leading a life of sin... *winkz*

We share each other's adventures and boy, do we lead parallel lives... Something happens to one, the other is bound to experience it sonner or later... And we are like each other's prophets... What we "predict" about each other usually comes true in a short period of time... It's scary...

Dear girlfriend, U are the best Xmas present... Love u to bits and please not let our next meeting be 6 months later again... Haha!! And thanks for the necklace... Will hit the clubs and dazzle the boys with some bohemian flower power on the dancefloor... Muackz!! =)

Christmas Wish List

All I want for Christmas are these:

(1) Opened-toe strap heels to flash my toes while clubbing in my long jeans
(2) A new pair of jeans, preferably Levi's 593
(3) A new handphone, preferably Samsung E-760
(4) A personal assistant to cover all my life details
(5) A full body massage and a facial session
(6) For Limei to pass her driving
(7) For Yuwen to get over her financial crisis soon
(8) For Raye to keep smiling coz she seems so stressed and tired out by IHG
(9) For Davina to be around more often so we can crack more big-head jokes
(10)For Ah-gong to have more time for me
(11)More pocket money
(12)More time for mama coz she will REALLY be moving back to Tokyo at the end of 2006
(13)Less JCRC work
(14)Oh yes, for Diane to stay pretty always and tt she will always be missing me
(15)For Winnie to win the pageant so tt I can scream her name
(16)For Lynn to find a rich husband in 2006
(17)A new hairstyle, preferably an all-expenses paid one
(18)A full mani & pedicure session complete with nail art
(19)A white bag, big enough to put all my barang but still look chic
(20)A Lexus RX300

Am I asking for too much?? I hope Santa understands, tt I have been a really good girl this year and tt if I were given all 20 things, well, what can i say....? I couldn't ask for more....

MOS & First Official Cheer Ponding

We just had our first official cheer ponding session to commemorate Zihui and Meiyuet's birthdays... Happy Birthday to the 2 Girls man!!! And I have to say tt well, we girls are strong man... What a way to end training before Christmas...

Went through some new things also with Jesse today... Glad to see ppl's morale picking up again... I guess it's really different when we have Jesse around to guide us... The feeling is different really when someone with a direction gives us instructions...

New dance steps too...

Went to MOS last night to celebrate Kaleong's birthday... Opened bottle and all... But popeed over to Momo to say hi to Aaron... But I think he is bad news... Think it's better to make it really damn clear tt we can only be friends... Enjoy the free drinks though...

MOS is the ultimate place to be man... I was sooooooo impressed... Tt shall be my fave haunt from now on... such a big area to explore... So many different rooms to enjoy different types of music... Have to study every nook and cranny of tt place...

Forgot how fun it is to just club with hall ppl... A crazy bunch we are!! Was really surprised to see ZY, JQ and Brian there also... But the greatest surprise was still to learn tt Meiyuet had come with them... And Brian did say tt something might be gg on...

Thought my shoes had stopped biting me but I was WRONG!!! But luckily my toes were not cramped until my pedicure was ruined... Still in perfect condition... Just nice for Christmas!!! Haha!!!

And then Alan came to fetch me... Felt bad tt once again I have deprived him of precious sleep and although I can be quite unfeeling and cold to other ppl sometimes, I still felt tt lil pang of guilt... Selfish lil me is good at thinking for herself only...

Now I realise I might not have time for Alan afterall this Christmas weekend... Uhm... How do I put it, some of the plans were already made before I met him so I definitely can't cancel, and I will NOT cancel on Diane coz I have not seen her in eons...

Tml, Friday 23rd Dec:
(1) Last minute shopping for Christmas
(2) Meet Diane at 4pm
(3) KBox with Garfios at 8pm
(4) Rouge to celebrate Fiona's bday at 11pm

Saturday 24th Dec, Xmas Eve:
(1) Wake up at own time own target but preferably before the sun goes down
(2) Go home for Xmas dinner
(3) Run out to Mandarin for countdown party with Front Office

Sunday 25th Dec, Xmas Day:
(1) Wake up at own time own target but again, preferably before sundown
(2) Xmas dinner with SL... Don't ask me where we are gg coz I have no idea
(3) Might have a slot here to go somewhere with Alan

Monda 26th Dec, Boxing Day:
(1) Meet Diane, time unknown
(2) Can meet Alan for dinner if he is up to it
(3) Can stay over at his place also then Tuesday go back to hall for cheer training

Man... I think I have too many friends!! Hahaha!! just kidding... the more the merrier, com'on!! And really looking forward to this Xmas weekend... Super duper long break for me to party... Have to be careful of alcohol poisoning though... Very long never drink so much, I thought I was gg to die yesterday when Brian toast me the whiskey neat... And he go very low when he dance lah!! Make my legs so suan, worse than cheerleading when we have to zhan ma bu...

And he another one!! When clubbing, he is single!! What the shit!! Sounds like a certain girl tt I know... haha!!! " We are all single when we are clubbing....!!!" Doesn't mean it is safe to flirt with ppl tt knows ur gf lah!!! Please!! Take it elsewhere!! Still tell me not to tell... Shhh... Puhleeze... I know the rules of the game also lah!!

The best part, he thinks tt if he gets in a fight with Alan, he will win... Like, please, u haven't seen Alan before so think twice man... Brian, when will u learn...? And Adam said tt u dun turn into the caring bf when u are high... On the contrary, u become a bastard... Why am I talking so much, only coz I know u will not see this!!! *hehe*

And thanks for the piggy back when my feet were hurting like hell... U know who u are, thanks!!

Exam Results

I got my results today...

1 A-
1 B+
3 C-

I think mama a bit disappointed but she told me to try harder next Sem... Yay!!!

My blog address

Today, he asked to know my blog address... Somehow don't feel quite certain tt I want to give him my address... afterall, this is where I air all of my frustrations and complain and complain and complain...

If I want to complain about him next time then how?? Leave comments in ZY's blog or email him all my complains meh?!?!?! But then, most of the time I talk crap on my blog so I guess it's ok...

Just tt past few posts have been about him so maybe I will give him the address only a few days later when the main page doesn't flash all those posts anymore... This is because:
(1) I don't want him to think tt my world and blog revolves around him *pui*
(2) I have posts where I spoke of my uncertainty and I don't think he will be happy to see them...
(3) I am shy... *haha!!*

Now I have a pain in my left eye, don't know if I can put on my contact lenses tml when I go to work... Maybe something went in and it's causing the pain... And I have had too much to eat today... Feel damn fat... Don't think I can fit into my cheongsam easily tml... Bleh~~!!!

Joints still aching from the dance session on Friday and I feel good about my limbs... And I am thinking of doing something to my hair... SL today said tt I should do something different with my hair coz I have been having the same style for a while now...

I definitely don't want to cut it too short... I look stupid with short hair anyway... Maybe I will dye it and put in hi-lights... But I'm afraid I will look too Ah-Lian with the hi-lights then a bit weird if I go back to Mandarin work part time and I have to wear cheongsam again... Even now, Ms Chia said my hair a bit too red... Bleh!!!

How do I push all the past entries into oblivion so tt he doesn't have to see them? Or just leave them there and deny tt those posts refer to him?? Damn weird now...

Anyway, my skin feels prickly... I think it's due to the sun... Bleh!!! Redhead with red skin... Plus red cehongsam... OMG!!! Will look like a giant Ang-Pow... Haha!! At least I am still a slim one and Hadi still winks at me and give me air-kisses when he sees me... And I L-I-K-E Rocky!!!

Last week he bought me a drink and I hid at the Concierge counter to drink... He said I very xing ku have to wear so little and stand there at the lobby, no where to hide to take a break so he bought me a drink and covered for me while I gulped the drink down while watched by Matthew... Haha!! Hmmm.... He haven't show me his daughter's photos... xinghui... such a cute name!!!

Ok, I hope Bao comes online soon and I shall watch LOTR while I wait... Muackz! =)

Dance and Routine

Wooohooo!!!

Today manpower down by 10 and only left with 11 but we were still ok... Went thru the liberty and hitch with meiyuet but sub some ppl coz not everyone here... Then we went through an hour and half of dance... Was really fun...

Jem couldn't do much coz her arm injured, I hope she gets well soon... But she did a lot for us really... Was our acting coach for the day and she went through the dance routine with us until we got it good... But can see a lot of ppl tired already then movement not as sharp...

But I guess by going through the moves together, we sort of got more familiarise with the dance moves and I was really happy tt they were having fun as we trained... Lots of laughs and encouragement... Discussing of what was wrong and the key things to look out for...

Was at first quite pissed tt manpower down by so much tonight but those tt turned up did really well and I guess I was sort of motivated by them... Really glad I have such good ppl on my team... Thanks boys and girls...!!!

Choosing Places

Oh manz... They went to watch Perhaps Love liao... After reading yw's blog, really sianz, why never go with them... Actually wanted to watch last night but Alan don't want to watch chinese movies then we watched King Kong instead... Wished I had stayed in hall instead and gone to watch Perhaps Love with the rest...

Kinda fun to go out in a big group and just rara together... Bet, they walked back to hall together... Reminds me of the time when we went to watch The Maid for the Garfios outing... Then we all just rara together in JQ's room.... Haha!!

Didn't join Fiona they all at Mambo last night too... Felt a bit sad to wake up in the morning to see all the SMSes they had sent, asking where i was and how come they cannot find me at Mambo... Like suddenly, I am not spending enough time with my big groups anymore... Cannot HaLa together and just have fun... Manz, totally forgot how time-consuming a bf can be... I mean, he's nice and I enjoy the time tt we spend together but still, hanging out with friends is different also...

Kinda hard, coz Alan and I don't run in the same social circles so it's like, if we sepnd time together, I can't spend time with my sistas and buds and other friends... Manz... I guess, everything comes at a price...

Then there's tt thing about uncertainty tt I just can't get over... I find it strange tt if he were to leave now, I won't be heartbroken or find it hard although I think I am falling harder for him every minute... Why is this so?? My goodness...

I have not seen Diane in like what, 2 weeks?? I miss her and I wish I could bitch to her about everything and nowI sort of have a 4.0 megapixel picture of why they keep refering to it as 18AUs.... Bleh!!! So many things to do also...

Maybe it's not too late yet to pull the brakes on this whole affair... I don't know... Maybe it really is too complicated when a guy and girl comes together... What ever happened to my skepticism and caution??

Diane knows me too well...

I really don't know what I am doing... It's always image 100% but no matter how cool and collected I look, I can be a total wreck inside... I like to believe I am in control of what I am doing and what goes on in my life but half the time, I don't even understand why I am doing some stuffs... Oh god, help me... What am I doing???

Tell me, am I lost or am I lost??

I am Blue & Black

I try to count the number of bruises on my body but they are like... everywhere... Haha! A bit hard to keep track even with the help of a mirror... On my legs, my arms, on my waist... Bleh!! Blue and black all over... Looked like serious abuse case...

Well, thing is, those bruises don't really hurt anymore, but they are still there... I know tt the discolouration won't be there if I had rubbed them when they had first turned up, although it would have hurt...

I guess, letting go and getting over someone is just about the same thing... Not wanting to get over someone and can't get over someone is different... It's like a bruise, if u don't want to rub it then the discolouration will still be there and always will be... U don't rub it coz u know it will hurt and u are afraid of tt pain... But if u can't get over someone, maybe it's coz the bruise happened to be out of ur reach and although u want to rub it away, u can't...

If u really had the determination to get over her, u would have... Maybe u are still holding on to a thread of hope which is tied to nothing, but just floating in the air...? Are u going to give up on love? U are not allowing urself to let go, why? Did something happen between the 2 of u tt makes u feel tt u can't give her up, or tt u owe her something? For all we know, she might be leading a better life and is very happy now... Be happy for her tt she is doing well and learn to embrace the beautiful things in life tt were once presented to u by her... Don't ever let her know what u are doing to urself now or she will find u an emotional burden, tt she has turned u into such a sad person...

I almost turned into a second u when u went away... But I didn't want to let u think tt I couldn't do without u... Loving someone and needing someone is different... If u love someone, u will be happy as long as he or she is... Needing someone is like dragging the person down beside u wherever u go, regardless of the person's wishes... I want u to be happy, to be loved and cared for by another... I don't want to see u alone...

It's all within u... U have given me ur blessings, I want to be able to do the same for u... I told u before, it never had to be me, but please step out and see all the things tt u are missing out on, all the promises and dreams tt u can share with another tt u love... I pray for the day when I can try to wheedle a pint of B&J from u also coz there is reason to celebrate...

My dear friend and confidante, let her go so tt I can let my thoughts off u also once and for all... Find tt special someone so tt I can smile and know tt u will be happy... It never had to be me, but let someone into ur heart again please... Don't let me see u alone...

And spill it, what flavour B&J u want?

New Beginning

Saying hello to something new spells the end of something old... Looking forward, I can smile and dream of all the nice things that hope might bring... But looking back, I am saddened tt I will never be missed as much as he still misses her... I could never live up to what she left behind, and I never can replace tt...

I feel better already but still the dull ache is there whenever these thoughts cross my mind... And Alan did say the corniest thing ever to make light of the past... He's really nice and I really like him... I never thought tt someone could bowl sceptical me over so fast and hard... Trust me, questions still ring in my head everytime he does something nice or says something to make me smile... But somehow, I am relishing every bit tt he offers just coz I think I deserve it... Somehow, I don't trust myself... Am I with Alan just coz I am pampered and can take my time to lick my wounds? Or is there really something for the both of us?

I throw all caution to the wind when I am with him... Is tt only coz I feel tt I have a huge need for some tenderness tt I couldn't have before? Am I lapping up all the attention tt he showers only coz I couldn't find tt at the place where I wanted it to come from the most? I mean, I have put it all behind me (i hope) but somehow, I am cautious about how I am responding to all this hooha... Am I for real??

Am I only seeking the care and concern from him coz I couldn't find those in the person tt I wanted to see the most? If it is true, I have a huge mess of substitution on my hands... But then again, the 2 of them are no way alike...

Alan's not too tall but really fit (a little more bulk than James) and he plays football, watches football and even plays tt on his PS... Tt's almost his life... He drives, got me to stop smoking when I club but got caught by him at Mambo the other day anyway... Says tt I like to ask questions tt sometimes he can't find appropriate answers to... Finds me interesting coz I seem to be both mature and girlish, can switch modes in split seconds... He can hold his liquor well (Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.................) and he watches out for me when we club together...

He has his reservations about me too coz, well, we met at a club... We have no mutual friends nor share a circle of friends... And the fact tt I am still studying and have not started working... He keeps having this thought tt I can always find someone better than him "with my qualities"... And of course, he is really sweet and tries to make opportunities for me to interact with his family... Like there was once, he had gone to work already, leaving me at home with his mum... I woke up and showered, played with his dog... His mum and I were chatting on the sofa when he came home and found us sitting together... He was kinda curious, asking what we talked about and things like tt...

And he is an impatient person... But I was impressed when he waited for me to finish KBox with my poly friend the other time when he had already reached the meeting place so early... Dun noe why, but I just find him very endearing... And the few times I went out with him, really felt tt he could take care of me... Ordering, getting stuffs for me... Looked after and taken cared for... And we banter a lot... Just talking... I like tt...

Even the first dinner date was not awkward at all... Very satisfying and fun... Easy time, just eating and laughing and talking... Really happy just being with him. =)