Last Hall Event

Cultural Night is over... That was the last hall event for this academic year...

One Year passes so fast... Too fast... What I held so dear in the past, I look back and see them diminishing into the horizon... Maybe I didn't realise that everytime I looked back, the memories had become smaller and blurry... Moving on seems so scary... Leaving familiarity behind...

I used to want the freedom to walk new paths without baggage and flit around to try things that I never experienced... But there are times when I am so scared of the unknown and I really wished that my past was around to provide the kind of comfort that only familiarity can give... I guess I never was that adventurous... Why try to be strong when I am not? Why resist the familiar warmth when I cannot tolerate the cool of strange surrondings?

Exams are coming and suddenly I think, it never was his fault that I thought Uni was the last stop station of youth and ignorance... It really is, with or without him... Time still will pass as fast and at the end I would end up being swept by the responsibilities of adulthood, with or without him... I projected him to be all that I didn't want when I must have known all along that it was going to be this way...

Do I still love him? Well, I do miss him but at the same time, I am afraid... The familiarity is gone and I don't know what will we share if we ever get back together again... Will we be able to pick up the pieces and really start over? Or will there always be this safety distance between us, just coz we don't want to hurt and get hurt again...?

Then again, will that be love? Or just familiar companionship? But then, passion will fizzle out, infatuation fades, our bodies will lose the beauty of youth... In the end, isn't it about the commitment and companionship? Even if our skin wrinkles and browns with age, we will still smile and hold hands as we take a stroll...

Shit, I can't go on... I am tearing...