Same as Ai Ren

You are a Romantic Realist

Okay, so you fall in the middle. You know that love isn't like a greeting card... Yet you can always find a greeting card to describe your feelings. You are the best of both worlds Girly yet independent, dreamy yet serious. Almost any guy can find balance with you.

Are You a Romantic or Realistic Girl?

Seriously, I am sucker for these kind of online tests... But then again, some of the questions are not good at all... as in according to what "Psychological Testing" has taught me, some of the questions are double-barreled and all... Not very good test questions... But I still like to do them! hahahahahaha!!!

Very very FREE

This is the first Monday that I do not have to teach tuition... A bit lost and don't know what to do with the extra time that I have on hand... Haiz... And the weather is cooling, very tempting for a nap but i am not really a nap-person...

Just now Davina say coming back to accompany me. Then she breezed into the room only to break my heart by saying she gg out to eat at ICHIBAN SUSHI and so will not be in hall.. *boohoo* Nobody around to celebrate the end of HG101 Project with me... So sad.

Finally feel that maybe I have been so preoccupied with the other things I had in life that now, alone in my room, I can feel this loneliness sort of threatening to wash over me... I think tuition really filled up a lot of my free time so now tt exams are over and there's no more kids to teach, I feel lost... I rem I used to pack my tuition to the point tt, weekdays, I really had no time for anything else... It's like the empty nest syndrome... haha.

Not like I really have nothing to do. Just no motivation to do them on this particular Monday...

I did a Psychological test today where I was supposed to fill in the blanks to complete several statements. I think I fear being forgotten. I fear being left behind. I fear being kept in the dark. I fear having to face a situation whereby I have to put up walls and fight back. All these flashed through my mind while I was completing that test.

What do I want? I want to fly.

Oo-Oku

I just finished watching Oo-Oku ＜大奥＞ on crunchyroll... Wah! I really like this movie leh... I think if u all free should go and watch also. 4 parts to it and about 2 hours long lah... VERY GOOD!! And there is subtitles so u all can understand. The translation is not full though, as in, does not reflect the nuances of the language very well...



Main character is Nakayama Yukie who acts as Ejima, the Mistress of the Palace. She is the highest ranking maid beside Gekkoin, the mother of the current Shogun (who is also very cute, 5 years old only!). Then got all the POISONOUS ppl who are jealous of her and try to harm her. But Ejima is the loyal and smart maid beside her who will risk her life to protect her mistress if need be...



The kimono collection inside is like WAH!!! But i tell u, they must have suffered while filming... Coz the full set of kimono is laready so heavy PLUS they had to put on tt wig...



I took a picture at the Corridor of Bells when i went to visit Kyoto with Aya but seeing it again in the movie was still overwhelming.

The knot has been untied

I feel so much better.

The knot that has been stuck in me has been untied. I know I was told to wait and see but I think I really like being carefree and don't like living with uncertainty and ambiguity so I did what my best friend adviced and also what she said I will normally do: ask upfront.

So I finally did. And I didn't want to play tt "see who msg who first" game coz I don't like playing games and I want it to be known tt I am sincere and true about my thoughts and feelings. So yes, I msged first and yes, I finally said everything tt needed to be said and asked everything tt needed to be answered.

And I have received satisfaction in tt I no longer live with tt uncertain grey cloud above my head and I think I can live with tt...

Ambivalence wasn't from him but from life itself I guess... Last week was good and this week wasn't. It's life. But I guess I know for certain now tt yes, I still like being upfront and carefree. I am a free-spirit and I want to stay tt way. I don't want to be trapped by uncertainty and I like doing things as I like.

I own myself and I will never allow anyone to bind my emotions and moods! =)

hot Hot HOT

OMG, doing project now in school but totally enjoyed myself, why?

Because, there was this really HOT angmoh guy sitting at the table beside ours!!! He is so HOT!! Like Peiling said, he looks like Chris Evans, the guy who acted as the HUMAN TORCH in FANTASTIC FOUR!!! Yes, he is so hot, he is really like a human torch. *sizzle*

He was so nice, came over to ask if we need to use the power point coz he and his friends were using both the power points that are between the tables. We said we were fine for now. Then, when we really needed the power points, I went over to ask the guy if we could use one of the power points. He was so nice about it and WAH!!! Look into his eyes will DROWN leh!!! He so CUTE!!!

Tall and lanky, like Adam from Maroon 5... Confirm plus guarantee he will look good in a suit! PLUS, he's fit but not too bulky kind... lean and mean... hahaha!! But he had a goatie and usually I am anti-goatie but he can carry it off so WAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! And he had those fuzzy hair-cuts that usually those NS-guys have but he looked DAMN MAN lah!!!

But now, he has left and he has left his friend behind... Aiyoh, brief encounter with a hot guy today has brightened my spirits!!! *grinz*

Dinner at Stadium

We had dinner at the stadium today!!! In honour of Limei staying over, we had our SISTER gathering and ate sushi... Super duper full...



Looking at us like this, I wonder how we will age and how our lives will unravel themselves... The future is right ahead!!!

Ambivalence or miscommunication

How does a person distinguish between Ambivalence and just pure miscommunication?? HP313A would probably say a person would try to ask questions and get feedback until the "mutual knowledge" is gained and share by both but what if that person don't know whether that is the right thing to do?? Not everything is as straightforward and simple as in the lecture notes eh??

An over 12-hour lag is a bit too extreme don't you think?? Which service provider has such a slow system? The longest I had a lag was about 5 hours?? I rem tt time when no one could call through my phone when my phone was switched on through out and reception was full. And no sms-es could come through that 5 hour period... But 12 hours seem a bit too extreme doesn't it??

There are now 2 camps.

First, just don't say anything and don't do anything and wait and see what happend. BUt now, he has already apologised so why am I still behaving like tt? Should just let it go and take his word right?? I think a seed of poison has already been planted in my brain and I can't think objectively... tt feeling of being snubbed last nights is still etched in my mind and I am in a really mean mood. haha! Now I am the ambivalent one!!

Second, just ask him upfront what the hell is wrong and ask him to spit it out... Tt was exactly what I would do but then, the first camp's voice quite strong lah! hahaha!! Be straightforward about it and well, the ends should justify the means so who cares if it might become a bit embarassing...?

Well, my own thoughts are a bit jumbled at the moment but not in a distracted state... Still can function thank you very much!

Well, like what ai ren told me over breakfast today... I should maybe just have my own "Friendship Day" after exams... No obligations and commitments what! =) Ai ren, you are so cute... Your eyes were twinkling and you get excited about it for me for what?! haha!!

New pet

Today I adopted a new pet... A hedgehog named CHOYA!!! After my favourite drink!!! And I chose the hedgehog coz in times of danger or when it feels threatened, it can just roll up and stick out the spiky pins!!! Poke whoever dares to play punk with me!!! But CHOYA a bit cute, happy also will roll up into a ball and bounce around...

If u are free, click on Choya to play with her and feed her strawberries ok?? I like strawberries too but prefer them with condensed milk or chocolate!!!

Jiaying says...

that I must "ren"!!! Yah, my resolve is also tough so i can "ren", no problem at all... See who cracks first. But so, tt is why today i feel cranky and feel tt my mood a bit unpredictable...

Was bored at home yesterday so I took some pictures of random things at home... This was the specimen tt I found on my sofa when i wanted to vacuum the floor... I had no sympathy for this THING so i started to vacuum anyway... hahaha!! She looks like a piglet in her own piglet world... SO CUTE!!!



In the master-bedroom, I found these on my mum's dresser... It was a wedding anniversary gift from the 3 of us to our parents a few years back... They are permanently sleeping like tt on tt dressing table... So poor thing, cannot lie down. But they look so sweet!



Then I found my heels where I had kicked them off... By the shoe rack... In their most natural state, not purposely pose one OK?! And when I looked at them, it dawned on me tt I have more of these in the storeroom... The SISTERS know what my storeroom look like right? rem?? All the carefully labelled shoe boxes... I guess tt is what happens when u have 3 girls living together under 1 roof.



One last shot of Mushroom sun-tanning... So cute right?? He look very happy in the sun lor! But apparently now Mushroom is called Gao(1) Yao(4) Bu(4)... Thanks to some drunkards tt were wrecking havoc in my room last week and treating Mushroom as a rugby ball and spinning him... And his new English name is what, Ko-yok? Dumb ppl, all of u...

Difference

Chopped my nail last night all thanks to bowling... bowled really badly some more... Sheesh... Now i look at my right thumb and i think it looks quite botak... it split until i had no choice but to cut it round and close to the flesh itself... Super duper botak-looking nail...

THEN,

i wonder if there can be too much of a good thing... Like today, can feel a little difference compared to last night... Like, actually, totally different. A bit distant... maybe it's fatigue lah, i also a bit tired coz didn't sleep enough but then still... haiz... dunno is it he feeling a bit sian...

anyway, as i have decided that this is gg to be the last weekend tt i am gg to go out and play, we will be seeing each other less i guess. unless he wants to do coffee near my place... and of course, u know guys lah... after a while they will start to slack so maybe he won't be so hardworking to come over and look for me le in which case we might not meet at all until my exams are over but his course will not have ended yet so we will still not be able to meet then HOW!?

Too bad lor, i guess...

Unglam moment:
Ate at Pizza Hut and we really zhua the pizza and Hut's Platter... Use hands lor! But really leh, if never use hands i think i use fork and knife until i will be so tired i won't be able to enjoy the food properly. The drumlets were SHIOK!! Very long never eat so i felt like i was in heaven...

HIS Unglam moment:
Playing games at the arcade - he has a lot of LOUD sound effects... Ok, just loud enough for me to hear but yah, a lot of sound effects! hahaha!! first time see this really BOYISH side of him so it was an EYE-OPENING EXPERIENCE.

Prototype Theory

During HG101 Lecture just now, Ng was talking about the Prototype Theory... Covered tt before in Cognitive Psych so it was a breeze...

Crystal asked me, what's the first thing you think of when i say "Aki"?
I replied: "pretty"
haha!

Then i thought to myself, what's the first thing i think of when i think of him.
Safe.

Yah, that's the feeling i get when i think of him. That i will be safe and that he is dependable.

Last night again, i was able to see him and that really lifted my spirits. Always feel good around him but sadly, this weekend we probably won't be able to meet... SO SAD! But nvm, it's just 1 weekend... I have survived 22years w/o him so what is 1 weekend man?! haha!

Me Time!!

I have tuition later on and tml night again. Then once more on monday afternoon and then no more tuition for this year!!! Woohoo!!! Finally I can have some time to myself and do everything tt I need to do w/o exams anxiety for myself and my students!!

But I will miss them lah, and Tracy, I will get to see her again when i bring her out as promised to the Discovery Centre...

Oh yah, Aya told me last night to enjoy the perks of bachelorette-dom... So I asked her what are the perks.
(1) LOADS of guys chasing you
(2) LOADS of dates w/o commitment
(3) LOADS of presents coz they will be trying to impress you
(4) LOADS of pampering

Sadly, so far don't have... Maybe coz she is so tall and thin, she is more attractive and thus is able to enjoy those perks which are non-existent to me... haha!

But after so long, I kinda sometimes feel that I am lost... Like in the mornings when I wake up, I will have this urge to make the phone call as always to say GOOD MORNING but of course I can't do that anymore... Remember those times when you can just call him for no reason and talk cock? There is no such person to do that to anymore...

On the other hand, I can just arrange my time as I want to... Don't care about soccer matches schedules and his gym sessions clashing and having to shuffle my tuition timings to fit his free time... Argh!!! Thank god that is over!!!

But I think I miss his elder sister... She is so nice to talk to and so understanding... Even when we were alone at home we can talk and joke and I felt really comfortable with her... Like a real elder sister that I never had.

I also miss Michi and Miko. Especially Miko coz her temperament is so like me and I have always felt she is my special baby... Everyone says she looks and behaves like me, especially when I had my wavy hair... And, well, when he reminded me that Miko only allows me, his sister and his mum to carry her and no one else, it did tug at my heart strings but that's so wrong lah! How can I stay on just because of the dog?? And tt time when he threatened to throw her onto the streets coz he can't bear to look at Miko, I was super duper angry and I was screaming that was BLACKMAIL... BUt I know he won't... At least, his sister won't allow him to do that.

BUT, life must go on.

During the free time I will have after exams, I am going to do all these:
(1) Book my BTT
(2) Look for potential attachment companies
(3) Earn a bit more pocket money

All these are important and should keep me very occupied. Haha!!

A sudden feeling of discontentment

I have a sudden feeling of discontentment... Just not satisfied with my life and what i have now... Why?? It just sort of shook me.

What is missing?? Material possessions?? Everyone wants to be able to have anything they want but i have long ago learnt tt i am not one of those lucky persons...

Is it companionship?? I have friends all around me so tt shouldn't be the case...

Is it the rain tt makes me feel cold and miserable?? I think i need a hug... I want a hug...

Is it coz time is running out?? Can feel it slipping through my fingers...

I don't like this feeling... I don't like not knowing the root cause even more.

Monday Surprise

Hehehe! KPO Jiaying came over and Big-Mouthed me couldn't help but tell Yuwen about it too... *eyes twinkling*

BUT WAIT!

I will always bear in mind Yuwen's advice and of course I won't jump into the sea with hands tied and blind-folds on...

Good things that made me happy today:
(1) He solved Mr C for me so Mr C is complete again.
(2) I have a Subway cookie to eat.
(3) SURPRISE
(4) Made him laugh when I showed him Tracy's birthday card to me.
(5) Saw him laugh like a little boy.
(6) He admitted a bit sheepishly that he dared not stand up coz JY is so tall and he was still fiddling with Mr C when he said tt.
(7) He made me laugh with every other thing he said.

I think it was a great way to end my monday. =)

KBOX

Last night I sang with "Wang Lee Hom"... Wah!!! Voice so nice can??? *droolz*

Didn't realise how much I missed KBOX until I had my hands around that remote control and after tt I was all out... Sorry, all image went out of the window! Took off my heels, stood up on the sofa to sing, etc... Now I am croaking... Voice gone but I really enjoyed the singing last night!!!Sang until 3a.m. lah before gg home.

Ate at Corduroy Cafe yesterday at Vivo, really cozy place... Were having dinner so we sat at the tables but there were also sofa seats... I think I saw a lot of arm chairs but not really those couches where 2 or more ppl can sit together... Like at PCC the sofas are comfy and you can snuggle up coz it's so huge... Miss gg to PCC with Diane, used to do tt quite often when we were still in Poly...

Watched THE BRAVE ONE yesterday too... Love the ending, a bit funny but touching... I know I will def do tt for Diane and my sisters but will there be someone who will do that for me??

And i realise he's got me hooked on the Rubik's Cube... haha!! Funny... I used to not like this kind of brain-teasers kind of stuffs? Even when my mum and Ami was so hooked on Sudoku and all... But he has really got me hooked on tt thing... haha!! Like I said, he's the first person to give me a present that causes me to have a headache. =)

Wonder when we'll meet again.

Rubik's Cube

I have a new toy. It's the Rubik's Cube, and it is not easy to play with tt thing at all... And it's a present *winks*.

I think I am not as patient as I thought I have become... I guess I am still the same as in, when i want something, i really really really want it, if possible NOW kind of thing... haha!! I know it's not good and I think I have a control over tt feeling, am able to delay gratification so tt means psychologically I have matured a bit... haha!!

Sometimes I feel like I don't know what the hell am i thinking or what the hell i am doing but then again, everything happens for a reason right?? And I like to think tt everything happens so tt I can learn from it, it doesn't just happen so I get hurt or something... it happens so i can learn and be stronger and more resilient. The girls believe I am strong, so does my mum, my sisters, my bestfriend and i think i do too.

But being strong doesn't quite equate to intelligence... generally my IQ is above average, nothing to worry about. But i think i tend to leave my brain at home sometimes when it comes to a certain L-aspect in life...

Sorry, tt was really random, actually i am rambling... can't quite rem what i wanted to blog about already... I think coz I already used up the remaining sober brain cells to teach tuition just now... Running on drunk brain cells...

But I guess my adage from the past still prevails... There aren't fairy tales in real life... I can only depend on myself and walls are good. Tt's the only way to keep my head above the water.

Too fast or too slow?

Who is to say that things are progressing too fast or too slow?? What is too fast?? What is too slow?? Can time really be a reliable measure as to how fast or slow things should progress?? Or is it based on the judgement of those around you??

Today Crystal and I were just talking in school... Slack mood and all... We got talking about, well, the usual stuffs... Which, well, as usual, led to the topic of RELATIONSHIPS.

So.

How fast is too fast between a couple?? Is there really a just nice pace that a couple should progress?? I don't know leh. I seriously don't think so. Coz if time was a good gauge, then why couples who were friends for a long time still break up (not all lah, some)? And some couples only got to know each other for 6 months then GET MARRIED but are still happy together?? There is no exact benchmark to say for e.g. 3 months-hold hands, 6 months-first kiss, 9months-meet parents etc...

Oooh, but I read in HER WORLD tt if he doesn't bring you to meet his parents after being together with you for more than 6 months then WARNING BELLS should go off... Supposedly the guy either has no respect for u, intends to ditch u in the long run and is commitment-phobic... tt's what they say.

But, I digress.

Yah, so there is no tried-and-tested route for couples to progress in a relationship, or like guidelines for becoming from friends to a couple... I think, it's between the 2 parties. What they think they are comfortable with and how intense their feelings are...

And Crystal is, as I have said this afternoon, is my epitome of a success story... Please lah, Derrick is nice, I think she made a right choice back then and I hope I can be like you too... =)

November

Updated my calendar last night...

It is so bloody scary how full the November page looks!! Every other day I have something to hand in or a paper to sit for all the way until 21st of the month... So scary can??

I just want tml to come quickly and enjoy this last weekend before the hell starts again next week... Can't believe 1 semester is ending already so fast... Lamenting tt time pass too fast for me to finish the work but at the same time, there was a point in time when I felt the sem won't end... Sigh!

Blanket

I see myself under a blanket, warm and seperated from the rest of the world, with nothing in my mind except the thought that the sound of the rain is so peaceful...

I hide under the blanket, hoping tt it will protect me from the feelings of loss and guilt and curiosity... Loss of what was once familiar, guilt of letting go and curious about what lies ahead...

I want time to stop. I want to stay here.

Jeans or Shoes?

Should I buy a pair of new Levi's jeans or a new pair of flat shoes?? At the moment I only have heels but no flats so thought of buying one but due to my inferiority complex about my height, I dunnoe whether I will wear the flats often... BUT I feel like buying the Copper Jeans coz PL has a pair and I think it looks really nice but I dunnoe whether I will wear it often too coz now a days weather a bit hot.. Haiz...

Tired from donating blood yesterday and coz my period is coming... Sian... MOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thumping headache!!! Bleh!!!

Ruz Bear

Talking to Ruz now and he must be really bored... Well, let me blog about him so he might feel more cheered when he reads my blog.

Was saying we should ALL meet up maybe on a weekend coz he and James working what. But I reminded him tt have to check with the girls coz see whether they willing to give up a weekend evening for them mah... Maybe Ruz and James not worth the weekend evening right??

This it what he said.

|RuZ| I'm not ill anymore, I'm now Kim Jong 2 の発言:
im tellin u we are
|RuZ| I'm not ill anymore, I'm now Kim Jong 2 の発言:
we're like naked flame to sparkles, water in a tank, darkness in a darkroom
|RuZ| I'm not ill anymore, I'm now Kim Jong 2 の発言:
we're the ESSENTIALS!!!!


Really bloody thick-skin, this one... Never changes... Still my good ol' bro. =)

Thoughts for the day

Skipped out of school today and went to Marina Square...

Bought myself a Strawberry Body Polish from BodyShop.. Was on offer and now I smell really fruity and sweet!!! Feel like biting my own arm see will be as sweet and juicy as a real strawberry or not. Hurhur... Sorry, lame.

Had Burger King for lunch, the free Oreo wafersticks still here with me, C's one also... I realised it had been a while since I last ate onion rings... But as always, I couldn't finish my food... Must try to expand my stomach space a bit...

Had Haagen Daaz ice cream for dessert... COOKIE CRUNCH!!! Drank a lot of water also then in the end I kept visiting the toilet... Haiz... Maybe my stomach is big so squeezed my bladder to just small corner so it cannot store as much... Haiz, dunno whether will have incontinence problem when I'm old...

Bought tix to I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY but had an hour to kill so C and I went to play pool... I think, considering I have not played pool for donkey years, not too bad lah...

And the movie was really funny!!! Laugh from start to end... BUt got touching parts also... When Larry decided to clear the wardrobe of his late wife's belongings, it was like "Waaaaa........" But then it was only for like 10sec then the funny things started again... I think watch on weekday ok lah, but not worth it if watch as Midnight... Ratings: 3.5/5.0

Then came back to JP in time to take Dav's car back to hall!!! Woohoo!!! Then just now OMC meeting also chop-chop finish... Just a matter of time before I decide to turn my attention to Venus' lect notes and readings... I HATE READINGS!!!! I USED TO LOVE TO READ BUT I THINK I HATE IT NOW!!! GIVE ME SOME BRAINLESS STUFF TO READ MAN!!!

Oh yah... today C and I were talking on the train and I said I feel like eating ice cream... Then C asked what kind of ice cream I want to eat... I pondered over the question a while and said," uhm... cold ones?" C just kept laughing and shaking, like trying to control and I realised it was a bit dumb of me but hey, I made C laugh so not too bad right? C's birthday present lor!!

I think I really must get the PINK GRAPEFRUIT body lotion from BodyShop next time I go, coz I realise my bottle finishing le... Had to hit it on the table just now to get the lotion to come out...

Ok, back to Studying!!!

Does He Love You?

Song by Rilo Kiley, damn great vocals... I wish I could sound as sappy as her w/o coming across as poser... haha!

A little too drama for some but the presentation was like, "Wow!" And it really blew my mind when the whole story unravelled itself through those simple verses. It hit me right in the middle of my chest.


Does He Love You? Rilo Kiley

Get a real job
Keep the wind to your back and the sun on your face
All the immediate unknowns are better than knowing this tired and lonely fate.

Does he love you?
Does he love you?
Will he hold your tiny face in his hands?

I guess it's spring; I didn't know
It's always seventy-five with no meltin' snow
A married man, he visits me
I recieved his letters in the mail twice a week

And I think he loves me
and when he leaves her
he's coming out to California

I guess it all worked out
There's a ring on your finger and the baby's due out

You share a place by the park and run a shop for antiques downtown
And he loves you, yeah he loves you, and the two of you will soon become three
And he loves you, even though you used to say you were flawed if you weren't free

Let's not forget ourselves good friend
You and I were almost dead
And you're better off for leavin'
Yeah you're better off for leavin'

Late at night, I get the phone
You're at the shop sobbin' all alone
Your confession is coming out
You only married him, you felt your time was running out

But now you love him, and your baby
At last you are complete
But he's distant and you found him on the phone pleading saying
'baby I love you and I'll leave her and I'm comin' out to California'

Let's not forget ourselves good friend
I am flawed if I'm not free
and your husband will never leave you, he will never leave you for me

Good Day

Good afternoon Aki!!

You have many things to do:
Finish Venus' proofreading and then you have a quiz on Friday tt you haven't studied for yet.

Too many things to do babe!!

Please give me strength

I pray to be given the strength, the courage and assurance that what I am doing is right. I pray tt my walls don't crumble under his kind words, I pray tt I will not be led into a potential mess.

I pray tt my decision is right and tt I will not live to regret it. Life is too short for regrets, and also too short to miss out on true love. I pray tt I didn't just miss it.

I pray tt I am made of steel and heartless. I don't want to feel anymore.

I just can't

I'm sorry I just can't...

And I won't think about it coz it won't do me any good. I am a strong girl, have always been and will always be... Sometimes the heart needs walls. I think I need them now.

I will have better days, but just not today. I pray for tomorrow to come and take today away.

Please make things ok.