Today's training resulted in pretty high casualty rates... Head banging, scratched arms and pulled muscles... Also bent spectacles and a lot of guys got facial rearrangements also... Look at all the sacrifices tt u all made...
Oh, and thanks to Diane for the ecard... Really brightened my day...
I hope everything turns out fine for cheer... Still got uniforms... Sigh... Cross my fingers and better pray hard... Bleh Bleh Bleh!!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Monday, December 26, 2005
Boxing Day
Met Diane today for a little breather after the long Xmas weekend... I really think we are growing old... We just don't have tt kind of stamina anymore for shopping like we used to in TP... After the purchase of 2 pairs of shorts from Fox, we were ready to call it a day, hang up our shopping bags and just sit down for a cuppa...
Can u imagine? We had just had a small meal at Mos Burger and Fox is practically next door... Apparently, we only had enough energy to walk tt few steps there and try on a couple of shorts and making payment before we were ready to find a chair to rest our butts... Haha!! What happened to those days when we could shop for hours in high heels and maybe even go clubbing after tt??? Disappointed in myself, really...
Today, a new adjective was used by Diane to describe me... Free-spirited...
What is exactly "free-spirited"...? The first thing tt came to mind was Native Indians, and then followed in a split second by Pocahontas... Tt word conjured an image of the wild plains, hills and rivers, very Pocahontas kind really... Haha!!
Well, I guess if to be "free-spirited" means being carefree and bounded by no restrictions, I sure hope I can live up to tt... Afterall, tt was what I had always envisioned my life to be... To do whatever I wanted and to have a lifestyle tt I could call uniquely mine... To be bounded by no one and to heed only my voice... To listen only to my heart and do everything to make myself happy...
Nothing matters more than to be happy right?? I mean, why live life if it will only be filled with dull and insignificant moments... And we only have one life to live... Shouldn't we do everything tt we want to do before time and age denies us of those opportunities and the energy to try new adventures??
It was a rather quiet yet meaningful Boxing Day... Just 2 old girlfriends exchanging little anecdotes about what we have been up to and to share what we really feel about each other's experiences and choices in life... Sometimes I feel tt Diane voices out all the practicalities tt I need to hear to keep me grounded... Emotions and might pull some clouds over my eyes but her voice has the clarity needed to get me to see things for what they are... She puts some perspective back into my life i guess...
What would I do w/o her, I wonder... It is really strange how I, a person who doesn't like to take instructions and likes to have control over her own life, will actually pay attention to what her bestie has to say about every little detail in my life from family ties to boyfriend troubles... And of course, we exchange information on other aspects of life tt no one, and I do mean NO ONE will ever hear us disclose...
I am glad tt I found you bestie, coz the promise we made 3 years ago, to never judge and never blab, still stands strong... I even feel tt sometimes, we take pleasure in knowing tt the other is leading a life of sin... *winkz*
We share each other's adventures and boy, do we lead parallel lives... Something happens to one, the other is bound to experience it sonner or later... And we are like each other's prophets... What we "predict" about each other usually comes true in a short period of time... It's scary...
Dear girlfriend, U are the best Xmas present... Love u to bits and please not let our next meeting be 6 months later again... Haha!! And thanks for the necklace... Will hit the clubs and dazzle the boys with some bohemian flower power on the dancefloor... Muackz!! =)
Can u imagine? We had just had a small meal at Mos Burger and Fox is practically next door... Apparently, we only had enough energy to walk tt few steps there and try on a couple of shorts and making payment before we were ready to find a chair to rest our butts... Haha!! What happened to those days when we could shop for hours in high heels and maybe even go clubbing after tt??? Disappointed in myself, really...
Today, a new adjective was used by Diane to describe me... Free-spirited...
What is exactly "free-spirited"...? The first thing tt came to mind was Native Indians, and then followed in a split second by Pocahontas... Tt word conjured an image of the wild plains, hills and rivers, very Pocahontas kind really... Haha!!
Well, I guess if to be "free-spirited" means being carefree and bounded by no restrictions, I sure hope I can live up to tt... Afterall, tt was what I had always envisioned my life to be... To do whatever I wanted and to have a lifestyle tt I could call uniquely mine... To be bounded by no one and to heed only my voice... To listen only to my heart and do everything to make myself happy...
Nothing matters more than to be happy right?? I mean, why live life if it will only be filled with dull and insignificant moments... And we only have one life to live... Shouldn't we do everything tt we want to do before time and age denies us of those opportunities and the energy to try new adventures??
It was a rather quiet yet meaningful Boxing Day... Just 2 old girlfriends exchanging little anecdotes about what we have been up to and to share what we really feel about each other's experiences and choices in life... Sometimes I feel tt Diane voices out all the practicalities tt I need to hear to keep me grounded... Emotions and might pull some clouds over my eyes but her voice has the clarity needed to get me to see things for what they are... She puts some perspective back into my life i guess...
What would I do w/o her, I wonder... It is really strange how I, a person who doesn't like to take instructions and likes to have control over her own life, will actually pay attention to what her bestie has to say about every little detail in my life from family ties to boyfriend troubles... And of course, we exchange information on other aspects of life tt no one, and I do mean NO ONE will ever hear us disclose...
I am glad tt I found you bestie, coz the promise we made 3 years ago, to never judge and never blab, still stands strong... I even feel tt sometimes, we take pleasure in knowing tt the other is leading a life of sin... *winkz*
We share each other's adventures and boy, do we lead parallel lives... Something happens to one, the other is bound to experience it sonner or later... And we are like each other's prophets... What we "predict" about each other usually comes true in a short period of time... It's scary...
Dear girlfriend, U are the best Xmas present... Love u to bits and please not let our next meeting be 6 months later again... Haha!! And thanks for the necklace... Will hit the clubs and dazzle the boys with some bohemian flower power on the dancefloor... Muackz!! =)
Friday, December 23, 2005
Christmas Wish List
All I want for Christmas are these:
(1) Opened-toe strap heels to flash my toes while clubbing in my long jeans
(2) A new pair of jeans, preferably Levi's 593
(3) A new handphone, preferably Samsung E-760
(4) A personal assistant to cover all my life details
(5) A full body massage and a facial session
(6) For Limei to pass her driving
(7) For Yuwen to get over her financial crisis soon
(8) For Raye to keep smiling coz she seems so stressed and tired out by IHG
(9) For Davina to be around more often so we can crack more big-head jokes
(10)For Ah-gong to have more time for me
(11)More pocket money
(12)More time for mama coz she will REALLY be moving back to Tokyo at the end of 2006
(13)Less JCRC work
(14)Oh yes, for Diane to stay pretty always and tt she will always be missing me
(15)For Winnie to win the pageant so tt I can scream her name
(16)For Lynn to find a rich husband in 2006
(17)A new hairstyle, preferably an all-expenses paid one
(18)A full mani & pedicure session complete with nail art
(19)A white bag, big enough to put all my barang but still look chic
(20)A Lexus RX300
Am I asking for too much?? I hope Santa understands, tt I have been a really good girl this year and tt if I were given all 20 things, well, what can i say....? I couldn't ask for more....
(1) Opened-toe strap heels to flash my toes while clubbing in my long jeans
(2) A new pair of jeans, preferably Levi's 593
(3) A new handphone, preferably Samsung E-760
(4) A personal assistant to cover all my life details
(5) A full body massage and a facial session
(6) For Limei to pass her driving
(7) For Yuwen to get over her financial crisis soon
(8) For Raye to keep smiling coz she seems so stressed and tired out by IHG
(9) For Davina to be around more often so we can crack more big-head jokes
(10)For Ah-gong to have more time for me
(11)More pocket money
(12)More time for mama coz she will REALLY be moving back to Tokyo at the end of 2006
(13)Less JCRC work
(14)Oh yes, for Diane to stay pretty always and tt she will always be missing me
(15)For Winnie to win the pageant so tt I can scream her name
(16)For Lynn to find a rich husband in 2006
(17)A new hairstyle, preferably an all-expenses paid one
(18)A full mani & pedicure session complete with nail art
(19)A white bag, big enough to put all my barang but still look chic
(20)A Lexus RX300
Am I asking for too much?? I hope Santa understands, tt I have been a really good girl this year and tt if I were given all 20 things, well, what can i say....? I couldn't ask for more....
MOS & First Official Cheer Ponding
We just had our first official cheer ponding session to commemorate Zihui and Meiyuet's birthdays... Happy Birthday to the 2 Girls man!!! And I have to say tt well, we girls are strong man... What a way to end training before Christmas...
Went through some new things also with Jesse today... Glad to see ppl's morale picking up again... I guess it's really different when we have Jesse around to guide us... The feeling is different really when someone with a direction gives us instructions...
New dance steps too...
Went to MOS last night to celebrate Kaleong's birthday... Opened bottle and all... But popeed over to Momo to say hi to Aaron... But I think he is bad news... Think it's better to make it really damn clear tt we can only be friends... Enjoy the free drinks though...
MOS is the ultimate place to be man... I was sooooooo impressed... Tt shall be my fave haunt from now on... such a big area to explore... So many different rooms to enjoy different types of music... Have to study every nook and cranny of tt place...
Forgot how fun it is to just club with hall ppl... A crazy bunch we are!! Was really surprised to see ZY, JQ and Brian there also... But the greatest surprise was still to learn tt Meiyuet had come with them... And Brian did say tt something might be gg on...
Thought my shoes had stopped biting me but I was WRONG!!! But luckily my toes were not cramped until my pedicure was ruined... Still in perfect condition... Just nice for Christmas!!! Haha!!!
And then Alan came to fetch me... Felt bad tt once again I have deprived him of precious sleep and although I can be quite unfeeling and cold to other ppl sometimes, I still felt tt lil pang of guilt... Selfish lil me is good at thinking for herself only...
Now I realise I might not have time for Alan afterall this Christmas weekend... Uhm... How do I put it, some of the plans were already made before I met him so I definitely can't cancel, and I will NOT cancel on Diane coz I have not seen her in eons...
Tml, Friday 23rd Dec:
(1) Last minute shopping for Christmas
(2) Meet Diane at 4pm
(3) KBox with Garfios at 8pm
(4) Rouge to celebrate Fiona's bday at 11pm
Saturday 24th Dec, Xmas Eve:
(1) Wake up at own time own target but preferably before the sun goes down
(2) Go home for Xmas dinner
(3) Run out to Mandarin for countdown party with Front Office
Sunday 25th Dec, Xmas Day:
(1) Wake up at own time own target but again, preferably before sundown
(2) Xmas dinner with SL... Don't ask me where we are gg coz I have no idea
(3) Might have a slot here to go somewhere with Alan
Monda 26th Dec, Boxing Day:
(1) Meet Diane, time unknown
(2) Can meet Alan for dinner if he is up to it
(3) Can stay over at his place also then Tuesday go back to hall for cheer training
Man... I think I have too many friends!! Hahaha!! just kidding... the more the merrier, com'on!! And really looking forward to this Xmas weekend... Super duper long break for me to party... Have to be careful of alcohol poisoning though... Very long never drink so much, I thought I was gg to die yesterday when Brian toast me the whiskey neat... And he go very low when he dance lah!! Make my legs so suan, worse than cheerleading when we have to zhan ma bu...
And he another one!! When clubbing, he is single!! What the shit!! Sounds like a certain girl tt I know... haha!!! " We are all single when we are clubbing....!!!" Doesn't mean it is safe to flirt with ppl tt knows ur gf lah!!! Please!! Take it elsewhere!! Still tell me not to tell... Shhh... Puhleeze... I know the rules of the game also lah!!
The best part, he thinks tt if he gets in a fight with Alan, he will win... Like, please, u haven't seen Alan before so think twice man... Brian, when will u learn...? And Adam said tt u dun turn into the caring bf when u are high... On the contrary, u become a bastard... Why am I talking so much, only coz I know u will not see this!!! *hehe*
And thanks for the piggy back when my feet were hurting like hell... U know who u are, thanks!!
Went through some new things also with Jesse today... Glad to see ppl's morale picking up again... I guess it's really different when we have Jesse around to guide us... The feeling is different really when someone with a direction gives us instructions...
New dance steps too...
Went to MOS last night to celebrate Kaleong's birthday... Opened bottle and all... But popeed over to Momo to say hi to Aaron... But I think he is bad news... Think it's better to make it really damn clear tt we can only be friends... Enjoy the free drinks though...
MOS is the ultimate place to be man... I was sooooooo impressed... Tt shall be my fave haunt from now on... such a big area to explore... So many different rooms to enjoy different types of music... Have to study every nook and cranny of tt place...
Forgot how fun it is to just club with hall ppl... A crazy bunch we are!! Was really surprised to see ZY, JQ and Brian there also... But the greatest surprise was still to learn tt Meiyuet had come with them... And Brian did say tt something might be gg on...
Thought my shoes had stopped biting me but I was WRONG!!! But luckily my toes were not cramped until my pedicure was ruined... Still in perfect condition... Just nice for Christmas!!! Haha!!!
And then Alan came to fetch me... Felt bad tt once again I have deprived him of precious sleep and although I can be quite unfeeling and cold to other ppl sometimes, I still felt tt lil pang of guilt... Selfish lil me is good at thinking for herself only...
Now I realise I might not have time for Alan afterall this Christmas weekend... Uhm... How do I put it, some of the plans were already made before I met him so I definitely can't cancel, and I will NOT cancel on Diane coz I have not seen her in eons...
Tml, Friday 23rd Dec:
(1) Last minute shopping for Christmas
(2) Meet Diane at 4pm
(3) KBox with Garfios at 8pm
(4) Rouge to celebrate Fiona's bday at 11pm
Saturday 24th Dec, Xmas Eve:
(1) Wake up at own time own target but preferably before the sun goes down
(2) Go home for Xmas dinner
(3) Run out to Mandarin for countdown party with Front Office
Sunday 25th Dec, Xmas Day:
(1) Wake up at own time own target but again, preferably before sundown
(2) Xmas dinner with SL... Don't ask me where we are gg coz I have no idea
(3) Might have a slot here to go somewhere with Alan
Monda 26th Dec, Boxing Day:
(1) Meet Diane, time unknown
(2) Can meet Alan for dinner if he is up to it
(3) Can stay over at his place also then Tuesday go back to hall for cheer training
Man... I think I have too many friends!! Hahaha!! just kidding... the more the merrier, com'on!! And really looking forward to this Xmas weekend... Super duper long break for me to party... Have to be careful of alcohol poisoning though... Very long never drink so much, I thought I was gg to die yesterday when Brian toast me the whiskey neat... And he go very low when he dance lah!! Make my legs so suan, worse than cheerleading when we have to zhan ma bu...
And he another one!! When clubbing, he is single!! What the shit!! Sounds like a certain girl tt I know... haha!!! " We are all single when we are clubbing....!!!" Doesn't mean it is safe to flirt with ppl tt knows ur gf lah!!! Please!! Take it elsewhere!! Still tell me not to tell... Shhh... Puhleeze... I know the rules of the game also lah!!
The best part, he thinks tt if he gets in a fight with Alan, he will win... Like, please, u haven't seen Alan before so think twice man... Brian, when will u learn...? And Adam said tt u dun turn into the caring bf when u are high... On the contrary, u become a bastard... Why am I talking so much, only coz I know u will not see this!!! *hehe*
And thanks for the piggy back when my feet were hurting like hell... U know who u are, thanks!!
Monday, December 19, 2005
Exam Results
I got my results today...
1 A-
1 B+
3 C-
I think mama a bit disappointed but she told me to try harder next Sem... Yay!!!
1 A-
1 B+
3 C-
I think mama a bit disappointed but she told me to try harder next Sem... Yay!!!
Sunday, December 18, 2005
My blog address
Today, he asked to know my blog address... Somehow don't feel quite certain tt I want to give him my address... afterall, this is where I air all of my frustrations and complain and complain and complain...
If I want to complain about him next time then how?? Leave comments in ZY's blog or email him all my complains meh?!?!?! But then, most of the time I talk crap on my blog so I guess it's ok...
Just tt past few posts have been about him so maybe I will give him the address only a few days later when the main page doesn't flash all those posts anymore... This is because:
(1) I don't want him to think tt my world and blog revolves around him *pui*
(2) I have posts where I spoke of my uncertainty and I don't think he will be happy to see them...
(3) I am shy... *haha!!*
Now I have a pain in my left eye, don't know if I can put on my contact lenses tml when I go to work... Maybe something went in and it's causing the pain... And I have had too much to eat today... Feel damn fat... Don't think I can fit into my cheongsam easily tml... Bleh~~!!!
Joints still aching from the dance session on Friday and I feel good about my limbs... And I am thinking of doing something to my hair... SL today said tt I should do something different with my hair coz I have been having the same style for a while now...
I definitely don't want to cut it too short... I look stupid with short hair anyway... Maybe I will dye it and put in hi-lights... But I'm afraid I will look too Ah-Lian with the hi-lights then a bit weird if I go back to Mandarin work part time and I have to wear cheongsam again... Even now, Ms Chia said my hair a bit too red... Bleh!!!
How do I push all the past entries into oblivion so tt he doesn't have to see them? Or just leave them there and deny tt those posts refer to him?? Damn weird now...
Anyway, my skin feels prickly... I think it's due to the sun... Bleh!!! Redhead with red skin... Plus red cehongsam... OMG!!! Will look like a giant Ang-Pow... Haha!! At least I am still a slim one and Hadi still winks at me and give me air-kisses when he sees me... And I L-I-K-E Rocky!!!
Last week he bought me a drink and I hid at the Concierge counter to drink... He said I very xing ku have to wear so little and stand there at the lobby, no where to hide to take a break so he bought me a drink and covered for me while I gulped the drink down while watched by Matthew... Haha!! Hmmm.... He haven't show me his daughter's photos... xinghui... such a cute name!!!
Ok, I hope Bao comes online soon and I shall watch LOTR while I wait... Muackz! =)
If I want to complain about him next time then how?? Leave comments in ZY's blog or email him all my complains meh?!?!?! But then, most of the time I talk crap on my blog so I guess it's ok...
Just tt past few posts have been about him so maybe I will give him the address only a few days later when the main page doesn't flash all those posts anymore... This is because:
(1) I don't want him to think tt my world and blog revolves around him *pui*
(2) I have posts where I spoke of my uncertainty and I don't think he will be happy to see them...
(3) I am shy... *haha!!*
Now I have a pain in my left eye, don't know if I can put on my contact lenses tml when I go to work... Maybe something went in and it's causing the pain... And I have had too much to eat today... Feel damn fat... Don't think I can fit into my cheongsam easily tml... Bleh~~!!!
Joints still aching from the dance session on Friday and I feel good about my limbs... And I am thinking of doing something to my hair... SL today said tt I should do something different with my hair coz I have been having the same style for a while now...
I definitely don't want to cut it too short... I look stupid with short hair anyway... Maybe I will dye it and put in hi-lights... But I'm afraid I will look too Ah-Lian with the hi-lights then a bit weird if I go back to Mandarin work part time and I have to wear cheongsam again... Even now, Ms Chia said my hair a bit too red... Bleh!!!
How do I push all the past entries into oblivion so tt he doesn't have to see them? Or just leave them there and deny tt those posts refer to him?? Damn weird now...
Anyway, my skin feels prickly... I think it's due to the sun... Bleh!!! Redhead with red skin... Plus red cehongsam... OMG!!! Will look like a giant Ang-Pow... Haha!! At least I am still a slim one and Hadi still winks at me and give me air-kisses when he sees me... And I L-I-K-E Rocky!!!
Last week he bought me a drink and I hid at the Concierge counter to drink... He said I very xing ku have to wear so little and stand there at the lobby, no where to hide to take a break so he bought me a drink and covered for me while I gulped the drink down while watched by Matthew... Haha!! Hmmm.... He haven't show me his daughter's photos... xinghui... such a cute name!!!
Ok, I hope Bao comes online soon and I shall watch LOTR while I wait... Muackz! =)
Friday, December 16, 2005
Dance and Routine
Wooohooo!!!
Today manpower down by 10 and only left with 11 but we were still ok... Went thru the liberty and hitch with meiyuet but sub some ppl coz not everyone here... Then we went through an hour and half of dance... Was really fun...
Jem couldn't do much coz her arm injured, I hope she gets well soon... But she did a lot for us really... Was our acting coach for the day and she went through the dance routine with us until we got it good... But can see a lot of ppl tired already then movement not as sharp...
But I guess by going through the moves together, we sort of got more familiarise with the dance moves and I was really happy tt they were having fun as we trained... Lots of laughs and encouragement... Discussing of what was wrong and the key things to look out for...
Was at first quite pissed tt manpower down by so much tonight but those tt turned up did really well and I guess I was sort of motivated by them... Really glad I have such good ppl on my team... Thanks boys and girls...!!!
Today manpower down by 10 and only left with 11 but we were still ok... Went thru the liberty and hitch with meiyuet but sub some ppl coz not everyone here... Then we went through an hour and half of dance... Was really fun...
Jem couldn't do much coz her arm injured, I hope she gets well soon... But she did a lot for us really... Was our acting coach for the day and she went through the dance routine with us until we got it good... But can see a lot of ppl tired already then movement not as sharp...
But I guess by going through the moves together, we sort of got more familiarise with the dance moves and I was really happy tt they were having fun as we trained... Lots of laughs and encouragement... Discussing of what was wrong and the key things to look out for...
Was at first quite pissed tt manpower down by so much tonight but those tt turned up did really well and I guess I was sort of motivated by them... Really glad I have such good ppl on my team... Thanks boys and girls...!!!
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Choosing Places
Oh manz... They went to watch Perhaps Love liao... After reading yw's blog, really sianz, why never go with them... Actually wanted to watch last night but Alan don't want to watch chinese movies then we watched King Kong instead... Wished I had stayed in hall instead and gone to watch Perhaps Love with the rest...
Kinda fun to go out in a big group and just rara together... Bet, they walked back to hall together... Reminds me of the time when we went to watch The Maid for the Garfios outing... Then we all just rara together in JQ's room.... Haha!!
Didn't join Fiona they all at Mambo last night too... Felt a bit sad to wake up in the morning to see all the SMSes they had sent, asking where i was and how come they cannot find me at Mambo... Like suddenly, I am not spending enough time with my big groups anymore... Cannot HaLa together and just have fun... Manz, totally forgot how time-consuming a bf can be... I mean, he's nice and I enjoy the time tt we spend together but still, hanging out with friends is different also...
Kinda hard, coz Alan and I don't run in the same social circles so it's like, if we sepnd time together, I can't spend time with my sistas and buds and other friends... Manz... I guess, everything comes at a price...
Then there's tt thing about uncertainty tt I just can't get over... I find it strange tt if he were to leave now, I won't be heartbroken or find it hard although I think I am falling harder for him every minute... Why is this so?? My goodness...
I have not seen Diane in like what, 2 weeks?? I miss her and I wish I could bitch to her about everything and nowI sort of have a 4.0 megapixel picture of why they keep refering to it as 18AUs.... Bleh!!! So many things to do also...
Maybe it's not too late yet to pull the brakes on this whole affair... I don't know... Maybe it really is too complicated when a guy and girl comes together... What ever happened to my skepticism and caution??
Diane knows me too well...
I really don't know what I am doing... It's always image 100% but no matter how cool and collected I look, I can be a total wreck inside... I like to believe I am in control of what I am doing and what goes on in my life but half the time, I don't even understand why I am doing some stuffs... Oh god, help me... What am I doing???
Tell me, am I lost or am I lost??
Kinda fun to go out in a big group and just rara together... Bet, they walked back to hall together... Reminds me of the time when we went to watch The Maid for the Garfios outing... Then we all just rara together in JQ's room.... Haha!!
Didn't join Fiona they all at Mambo last night too... Felt a bit sad to wake up in the morning to see all the SMSes they had sent, asking where i was and how come they cannot find me at Mambo... Like suddenly, I am not spending enough time with my big groups anymore... Cannot HaLa together and just have fun... Manz, totally forgot how time-consuming a bf can be... I mean, he's nice and I enjoy the time tt we spend together but still, hanging out with friends is different also...
Kinda hard, coz Alan and I don't run in the same social circles so it's like, if we sepnd time together, I can't spend time with my sistas and buds and other friends... Manz... I guess, everything comes at a price...
Then there's tt thing about uncertainty tt I just can't get over... I find it strange tt if he were to leave now, I won't be heartbroken or find it hard although I think I am falling harder for him every minute... Why is this so?? My goodness...
I have not seen Diane in like what, 2 weeks?? I miss her and I wish I could bitch to her about everything and nowI sort of have a 4.0 megapixel picture of why they keep refering to it as 18AUs.... Bleh!!! So many things to do also...
Maybe it's not too late yet to pull the brakes on this whole affair... I don't know... Maybe it really is too complicated when a guy and girl comes together... What ever happened to my skepticism and caution??
Diane knows me too well...
I really don't know what I am doing... It's always image 100% but no matter how cool and collected I look, I can be a total wreck inside... I like to believe I am in control of what I am doing and what goes on in my life but half the time, I don't even understand why I am doing some stuffs... Oh god, help me... What am I doing???
Tell me, am I lost or am I lost??
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
I am Blue & Black
I try to count the number of bruises on my body but they are like... everywhere... Haha! A bit hard to keep track even with the help of a mirror... On my legs, my arms, on my waist... Bleh!! Blue and black all over... Looked like serious abuse case...
Well, thing is, those bruises don't really hurt anymore, but they are still there... I know tt the discolouration won't be there if I had rubbed them when they had first turned up, although it would have hurt...
I guess, letting go and getting over someone is just about the same thing... Not wanting to get over someone and can't get over someone is different... It's like a bruise, if u don't want to rub it then the discolouration will still be there and always will be... U don't rub it coz u know it will hurt and u are afraid of tt pain... But if u can't get over someone, maybe it's coz the bruise happened to be out of ur reach and although u want to rub it away, u can't...
If u really had the determination to get over her, u would have... Maybe u are still holding on to a thread of hope which is tied to nothing, but just floating in the air...? Are u going to give up on love? U are not allowing urself to let go, why? Did something happen between the 2 of u tt makes u feel tt u can't give her up, or tt u owe her something? For all we know, she might be leading a better life and is very happy now... Be happy for her tt she is doing well and learn to embrace the beautiful things in life tt were once presented to u by her... Don't ever let her know what u are doing to urself now or she will find u an emotional burden, tt she has turned u into such a sad person...
I almost turned into a second u when u went away... But I didn't want to let u think tt I couldn't do without u... Loving someone and needing someone is different... If u love someone, u will be happy as long as he or she is... Needing someone is like dragging the person down beside u wherever u go, regardless of the person's wishes... I want u to be happy, to be loved and cared for by another... I don't want to see u alone...
It's all within u... U have given me ur blessings, I want to be able to do the same for u... I told u before, it never had to be me, but please step out and see all the things tt u are missing out on, all the promises and dreams tt u can share with another tt u love... I pray for the day when I can try to wheedle a pint of B&J from u also coz there is reason to celebrate...
My dear friend and confidante, let her go so tt I can let my thoughts off u also once and for all... Find tt special someone so tt I can smile and know tt u will be happy... It never had to be me, but let someone into ur heart again please... Don't let me see u alone...
And spill it, what flavour B&J u want?
Well, thing is, those bruises don't really hurt anymore, but they are still there... I know tt the discolouration won't be there if I had rubbed them when they had first turned up, although it would have hurt...
I guess, letting go and getting over someone is just about the same thing... Not wanting to get over someone and can't get over someone is different... It's like a bruise, if u don't want to rub it then the discolouration will still be there and always will be... U don't rub it coz u know it will hurt and u are afraid of tt pain... But if u can't get over someone, maybe it's coz the bruise happened to be out of ur reach and although u want to rub it away, u can't...
If u really had the determination to get over her, u would have... Maybe u are still holding on to a thread of hope which is tied to nothing, but just floating in the air...? Are u going to give up on love? U are not allowing urself to let go, why? Did something happen between the 2 of u tt makes u feel tt u can't give her up, or tt u owe her something? For all we know, she might be leading a better life and is very happy now... Be happy for her tt she is doing well and learn to embrace the beautiful things in life tt were once presented to u by her... Don't ever let her know what u are doing to urself now or she will find u an emotional burden, tt she has turned u into such a sad person...
I almost turned into a second u when u went away... But I didn't want to let u think tt I couldn't do without u... Loving someone and needing someone is different... If u love someone, u will be happy as long as he or she is... Needing someone is like dragging the person down beside u wherever u go, regardless of the person's wishes... I want u to be happy, to be loved and cared for by another... I don't want to see u alone...
It's all within u... U have given me ur blessings, I want to be able to do the same for u... I told u before, it never had to be me, but please step out and see all the things tt u are missing out on, all the promises and dreams tt u can share with another tt u love... I pray for the day when I can try to wheedle a pint of B&J from u also coz there is reason to celebrate...
My dear friend and confidante, let her go so tt I can let my thoughts off u also once and for all... Find tt special someone so tt I can smile and know tt u will be happy... It never had to be me, but let someone into ur heart again please... Don't let me see u alone...
And spill it, what flavour B&J u want?
Monday, December 12, 2005
New Beginning
Saying hello to something new spells the end of something old... Looking forward, I can smile and dream of all the nice things that hope might bring... But looking back, I am saddened tt I will never be missed as much as he still misses her... I could never live up to what she left behind, and I never can replace tt...
I feel better already but still the dull ache is there whenever these thoughts cross my mind... And Alan did say the corniest thing ever to make light of the past... He's really nice and I really like him... I never thought tt someone could bowl sceptical me over so fast and hard... Trust me, questions still ring in my head everytime he does something nice or says something to make me smile... But somehow, I am relishing every bit tt he offers just coz I think I deserve it... Somehow, I don't trust myself... Am I with Alan just coz I am pampered and can take my time to lick my wounds? Or is there really something for the both of us?
I throw all caution to the wind when I am with him... Is tt only coz I feel tt I have a huge need for some tenderness tt I couldn't have before? Am I lapping up all the attention tt he showers only coz I couldn't find tt at the place where I wanted it to come from the most? I mean, I have put it all behind me (i hope) but somehow, I am cautious about how I am responding to all this hooha... Am I for real??
Am I only seeking the care and concern from him coz I couldn't find those in the person tt I wanted to see the most? If it is true, I have a huge mess of substitution on my hands... But then again, the 2 of them are no way alike...
Alan's not too tall but really fit (a little more bulk than James) and he plays football, watches football and even plays tt on his PS... Tt's almost his life... He drives, got me to stop smoking when I club but got caught by him at Mambo the other day anyway... Says tt I like to ask questions tt sometimes he can't find appropriate answers to... Finds me interesting coz I seem to be both mature and girlish, can switch modes in split seconds... He can hold his liquor well (Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.................) and he watches out for me when we club together...
He has his reservations about me too coz, well, we met at a club... We have no mutual friends nor share a circle of friends... And the fact tt I am still studying and have not started working... He keeps having this thought tt I can always find someone better than him "with my qualities"... And of course, he is really sweet and tries to make opportunities for me to interact with his family... Like there was once, he had gone to work already, leaving me at home with his mum... I woke up and showered, played with his dog... His mum and I were chatting on the sofa when he came home and found us sitting together... He was kinda curious, asking what we talked about and things like tt...
And he is an impatient person... But I was impressed when he waited for me to finish KBox with my poly friend the other time when he had already reached the meeting place so early... Dun noe why, but I just find him very endearing... And the few times I went out with him, really felt tt he could take care of me... Ordering, getting stuffs for me... Looked after and taken cared for... And we banter a lot... Just talking... I like tt...
Even the first dinner date was not awkward at all... Very satisfying and fun... Easy time, just eating and laughing and talking... Really happy just being with him. =)
I feel better already but still the dull ache is there whenever these thoughts cross my mind... And Alan did say the corniest thing ever to make light of the past... He's really nice and I really like him... I never thought tt someone could bowl sceptical me over so fast and hard... Trust me, questions still ring in my head everytime he does something nice or says something to make me smile... But somehow, I am relishing every bit tt he offers just coz I think I deserve it... Somehow, I don't trust myself... Am I with Alan just coz I am pampered and can take my time to lick my wounds? Or is there really something for the both of us?
I throw all caution to the wind when I am with him... Is tt only coz I feel tt I have a huge need for some tenderness tt I couldn't have before? Am I lapping up all the attention tt he showers only coz I couldn't find tt at the place where I wanted it to come from the most? I mean, I have put it all behind me (i hope) but somehow, I am cautious about how I am responding to all this hooha... Am I for real??
Am I only seeking the care and concern from him coz I couldn't find those in the person tt I wanted to see the most? If it is true, I have a huge mess of substitution on my hands... But then again, the 2 of them are no way alike...
Alan's not too tall but really fit (a little more bulk than James) and he plays football, watches football and even plays tt on his PS... Tt's almost his life... He drives, got me to stop smoking when I club but got caught by him at Mambo the other day anyway... Says tt I like to ask questions tt sometimes he can't find appropriate answers to... Finds me interesting coz I seem to be both mature and girlish, can switch modes in split seconds... He can hold his liquor well (Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.................) and he watches out for me when we club together...
He has his reservations about me too coz, well, we met at a club... We have no mutual friends nor share a circle of friends... And the fact tt I am still studying and have not started working... He keeps having this thought tt I can always find someone better than him "with my qualities"... And of course, he is really sweet and tries to make opportunities for me to interact with his family... Like there was once, he had gone to work already, leaving me at home with his mum... I woke up and showered, played with his dog... His mum and I were chatting on the sofa when he came home and found us sitting together... He was kinda curious, asking what we talked about and things like tt...
And he is an impatient person... But I was impressed when he waited for me to finish KBox with my poly friend the other time when he had already reached the meeting place so early... Dun noe why, but I just find him very endearing... And the few times I went out with him, really felt tt he could take care of me... Ordering, getting stuffs for me... Looked after and taken cared for... And we banter a lot... Just talking... I like tt...
Even the first dinner date was not awkward at all... Very satisfying and fun... Easy time, just eating and laughing and talking... Really happy just being with him. =)
Friday, December 09, 2005
On Two Feet
Pulled back to reality and firm ground again... Shall not lose my head so fast... My god, suddenly feel sane and in control again... Was about to turn into a giddy schoolgirl so bowled over... Dun noe why I suddenly feel like this but, yah... Thank god!
I suddenly wonder, what do I really want? Is there anything to all this and where is all this going to lead to... Some will tell me not to think too much and see how it goes but I am really wondering and questioning what all this means to me...
I have not known him for long but I feel like we have been seeing each other ever since god knows when... I dun know him but I feel like I understand him... I don't think he knows me but he makes me feel like he does... It's all about feelings, go with ur feelings, some may say...
But it's just tt... Feelings...
Why do we feel? And what exactly does it mean to feel? Afterall, if feelings are motivations, then I am reminded tt all human motivation stems from the basic physiological needs of food, water, air and sexual satisfaction... Is tt all there is to feelings?
Man... I am really clueless, I have no idea what I'm doing and what I want... Damned!! Too much clutter in my brain to think... Maybe it's too complicated when a guy and girl comes together...
I suddenly wonder, what do I really want? Is there anything to all this and where is all this going to lead to... Some will tell me not to think too much and see how it goes but I am really wondering and questioning what all this means to me...
I have not known him for long but I feel like we have been seeing each other ever since god knows when... I dun know him but I feel like I understand him... I don't think he knows me but he makes me feel like he does... It's all about feelings, go with ur feelings, some may say...
But it's just tt... Feelings...
Why do we feel? And what exactly does it mean to feel? Afterall, if feelings are motivations, then I am reminded tt all human motivation stems from the basic physiological needs of food, water, air and sexual satisfaction... Is tt all there is to feelings?
Man... I am really clueless, I have no idea what I'm doing and what I want... Damned!! Too much clutter in my brain to think... Maybe it's too complicated when a guy and girl comes together...
Thursday, December 08, 2005
I Cut my Knee
Bleh!! Did something stupid... Cut my knee while I was shaving my legs... Super big cut... The blood was flowing non-stop and it hurt like hell when I tried to wash off the remaining shaving gel... Now I have a plaster on my knee... How ugly is tt?
Reported this stupid incident to Alan and he was like " u cut my heart too, can u please take greater care of urself? Looks like I have to take care of u, it's already 3 so go nap, will wake u up at 7..."
Why is he so sweet?? My aloofness and non-chalance comes down when I drink and this, he has seen for himself already but I am afraid I will lose it too even when I am sober and clear in the head... Damn, what happened to my independence? Reporting a cut knee to him?? What was I thinking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
And to think I almost joined him and his family for his sister's birthday dinner... I have a legitimate reason for not going, cheerleading...
P.S: Actually I felt weird calling him Ah-Gong again... Came out sounding a little forced, not natural... Manz, I can do this...
Reported this stupid incident to Alan and he was like " u cut my heart too, can u please take greater care of urself? Looks like I have to take care of u, it's already 3 so go nap, will wake u up at 7..."
Why is he so sweet?? My aloofness and non-chalance comes down when I drink and this, he has seen for himself already but I am afraid I will lose it too even when I am sober and clear in the head... Damn, what happened to my independence? Reporting a cut knee to him?? What was I thinking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
And to think I almost joined him and his family for his sister's birthday dinner... I have a legitimate reason for not going, cheerleading...
P.S: Actually I felt weird calling him Ah-Gong again... Came out sounding a little forced, not natural... Manz, I can do this...
Garfios and Mambo
Ooh la la!! Dinner at Marche was damn good... Maybe it was just as well tt we couldn't get tables at Rice Table and elsewhere were too crowded... Felt totally satisfied after dinner last night....
Shared stuff with huiyun and we ate quite a lot... But not as much as tt time when I went with Alan I guess... Haha!! ZY had tt apprehensive look on his face...
"Huiyun, eat faster.... Eat more... Aki, slow down, don't eat so much..." Haha! Found it very funny... But not everyday get to eat good food so must satisfy tummy properly... Especially the mango waffle with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce... No one go Marche won't eat tt waffle one lor!!!
Then, last night was also the first time I took a bus to clubbing... No. 16 from Suntec to Zouk... Haha! Really first time... Then it was quite funny coz we were pretty high already on the bus... When we got there, mood went down quite low coz we were hesitant in buying alcohol before 1-for-1 and the music was a cross between cuban and havana... Damn salah!!
After 11, things picked up really fast... Drank and played drinking games and we had an instant high... Was really fun... A lot of Hall ppl there last night...
Rebecca and Weiling, Qing and gf, Thai Hoe, Daniel, Jason and the other ruggers, GMAX, Aloy and group... Haha!! And Mei Yuet's Lian Bang gang also... Very happening... OOh... And HY's Alan and friends were there... Also, Alan (my side of friendship) and his friend...
Music was damn great... Oh my goodness!!! It was so fun last night!!
Then, Alan saw me back to hall... And we were talking and well, he thinks he is falling deeper for me... And I actually felt my cheeks flushed!! My god!! Somebody pull me back onto my feet coz I feel like i'll be bowled over by all the attention tt he is showering me and he always has nice things to say... And the kind of easy conversation we have is like...
I really feel like I'm being swept over but I think I need to chill my head a bit... He's really sweet and I know he's a really good guy... The way he interact with his family and obvious adoration tt his dog has for him... He goes to work w/o fail everyday even if he's freaking lacking in sleep coz he went to momo or mambo, just coz i was there also... Things like tt...
And he thinks I'm too skinny... He keeps insisting tt I MUST eat more... Wait till the cheer guys hear tt!! And he was really concerned when he heard i hurt my head during training and when he saw the bruises on my arms and legs...
Oh god, he's going to bowl me over soon....
Shared stuff with huiyun and we ate quite a lot... But not as much as tt time when I went with Alan I guess... Haha!! ZY had tt apprehensive look on his face...
"Huiyun, eat faster.... Eat more... Aki, slow down, don't eat so much..." Haha! Found it very funny... But not everyday get to eat good food so must satisfy tummy properly... Especially the mango waffle with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce... No one go Marche won't eat tt waffle one lor!!!
Then, last night was also the first time I took a bus to clubbing... No. 16 from Suntec to Zouk... Haha! Really first time... Then it was quite funny coz we were pretty high already on the bus... When we got there, mood went down quite low coz we were hesitant in buying alcohol before 1-for-1 and the music was a cross between cuban and havana... Damn salah!!
After 11, things picked up really fast... Drank and played drinking games and we had an instant high... Was really fun... A lot of Hall ppl there last night...
Rebecca and Weiling, Qing and gf, Thai Hoe, Daniel, Jason and the other ruggers, GMAX, Aloy and group... Haha!! And Mei Yuet's Lian Bang gang also... Very happening... OOh... And HY's Alan and friends were there... Also, Alan (my side of friendship) and his friend...
Music was damn great... Oh my goodness!!! It was so fun last night!!
Then, Alan saw me back to hall... And we were talking and well, he thinks he is falling deeper for me... And I actually felt my cheeks flushed!! My god!! Somebody pull me back onto my feet coz I feel like i'll be bowled over by all the attention tt he is showering me and he always has nice things to say... And the kind of easy conversation we have is like...
I really feel like I'm being swept over but I think I need to chill my head a bit... He's really sweet and I know he's a really good guy... The way he interact with his family and obvious adoration tt his dog has for him... He goes to work w/o fail everyday even if he's freaking lacking in sleep coz he went to momo or mambo, just coz i was there also... Things like tt...
And he thinks I'm too skinny... He keeps insisting tt I MUST eat more... Wait till the cheer guys hear tt!! And he was really concerned when he heard i hurt my head during training and when he saw the bruises on my arms and legs...
Oh god, he's going to bowl me over soon....
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Ah Gong
Uhm... How do I put this into words... Realised I wanted tt friendship back... Tt Ah-gong and Sun-nu thingy tt we had right at the beginning... So i told him... I told him i was ready to see him in a different light again...
Finally, I am moving on... Bleh! Pat on the back man!
And i am in the danger of getting him tt pint of B&J ice cream... Oh my goodness!!!
Finally, I am moving on... Bleh! Pat on the back man!
And i am in the danger of getting him tt pint of B&J ice cream... Oh my goodness!!!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Touched my Knee with my Nose
Oh my god! My nose is flat enough liao loh!!! Still had to kick myself in the face with my knee... I am such an expert... =X
But today was fun lah... Was wondering how training with Jesse will be like but it went quite well... Had Jem and Weimin to call the shots and Gerald came late but still helped to oversee... Actually everyone was very cooperative tt's why it went quite ok...
Really love everyone... They are all being very cooperative and willing to learn... But I still think I need to learn to be less controlling and try to just relax and have fun with them... Have to shake loose the feeling of wanting to be in control all the time...
I shall have to work harder if I want to get some of the stunts right man... Especially the pop... Something wrong now, trying too hard and now I am turning backwards... Scared one day I will land on my head again... haha!!
Luckily no major injury today... All the cartoon kind... The very salah kind... Like ppl landing on bases' chests, bases falling down coz they got crushed by flier, flier reporting injury coz when she came down, her sunburnt body got bua-ed... Haha! Cartoon day leh!
I have a good feeling about this... Just hope I can do all I can to assist the team to Top 3 man.... God, I soooooooooo want it!!!
Tml have to work but at least I am sure I can get my pay tml... So happy!!! Then after tt I can go eat dinner with Garfs!!! So long never gather liao, and still got old birds coming to join us also... I like the Andrew guy who emailed to ask if he can bring his wife... Happening leh!!!
But Nooch.... Nice meh? haha!! Haven't decided if tml still want to to go mambo onot... Just now ask Mei Yuet want to go onot then she was super high lah!! She immediate Yes leh!!
Shall have to think twice before gg.... got cough and then a bit sore throat then some more thurs morn have to wake early for workshop...
Bleh!!! Haha! Confirm tml...
But today was fun lah... Was wondering how training with Jesse will be like but it went quite well... Had Jem and Weimin to call the shots and Gerald came late but still helped to oversee... Actually everyone was very cooperative tt's why it went quite ok...
Really love everyone... They are all being very cooperative and willing to learn... But I still think I need to learn to be less controlling and try to just relax and have fun with them... Have to shake loose the feeling of wanting to be in control all the time...
I shall have to work harder if I want to get some of the stunts right man... Especially the pop... Something wrong now, trying too hard and now I am turning backwards... Scared one day I will land on my head again... haha!!
Luckily no major injury today... All the cartoon kind... The very salah kind... Like ppl landing on bases' chests, bases falling down coz they got crushed by flier, flier reporting injury coz when she came down, her sunburnt body got bua-ed... Haha! Cartoon day leh!
I have a good feeling about this... Just hope I can do all I can to assist the team to Top 3 man.... God, I soooooooooo want it!!!
Tml have to work but at least I am sure I can get my pay tml... So happy!!! Then after tt I can go eat dinner with Garfs!!! So long never gather liao, and still got old birds coming to join us also... I like the Andrew guy who emailed to ask if he can bring his wife... Happening leh!!!
But Nooch.... Nice meh? haha!! Haven't decided if tml still want to to go mambo onot... Just now ask Mei Yuet want to go onot then she was super high lah!! She immediate Yes leh!!
Shall have to think twice before gg.... got cough and then a bit sore throat then some more thurs morn have to wake early for workshop...
Bleh!!! Haha! Confirm tml...
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Sunday Morning
Hmm... A lazy sunday morning... But sore throat... So SAD!!!! Just as well tt I cancelled on today's work schedule... And still considering whether to go tml morning onot... Just realised tt most of my clothes are in hall already and tt I dun really have anything nice to wear at home... haha! Bleh~
Mama want to clean house later... Wished I could just slack around with the TV and my laptop and some good music... Can't believe I am gg through the revival of Backstreet Boys on iTunes... Haha! But they actually sound really good after not listening to them for so long....
Hehe! Mama gg to give me my allowance this month also!! Sweet!! She scared I won't have money when school starts and I need to buy books and stuff... Actually I think if I go back hall tml then I shall like "tuo" the floor and get down on my knees to mop the floor with a rag... Needs some great cleaning to be done in tt room...
And this Wednesday can go mambo again!! Vyn just sent the email saying IH not on Thur morning so Wed night can go hiong again and sleep in on Thursday... Woohoo!!!
Shite, my waist and thighs still hurt... Maybe after Mei Yuet come back it'll become team Mei Yuet but truth to be told, I like doing the stunts... No matter how chicken I become when first told what the stunts are like, I still love them and do them with all my best when I grasp the concept... Manz, i hope Jesse doesn't change me....
And the bruises? ZY told me to tell others tt "It was all worth it" if ppl asked... Haha!! Com'on... U are telling me to let ppl get the wrong idea... And puhleeze!! No one's going to buy tt joke!!
God, I love the holidays... We are young only once man!
Mama want to clean house later... Wished I could just slack around with the TV and my laptop and some good music... Can't believe I am gg through the revival of Backstreet Boys on iTunes... Haha! But they actually sound really good after not listening to them for so long....
Hehe! Mama gg to give me my allowance this month also!! Sweet!! She scared I won't have money when school starts and I need to buy books and stuff... Actually I think if I go back hall tml then I shall like "tuo" the floor and get down on my knees to mop the floor with a rag... Needs some great cleaning to be done in tt room...
And this Wednesday can go mambo again!! Vyn just sent the email saying IH not on Thur morning so Wed night can go hiong again and sleep in on Thursday... Woohoo!!!
Shite, my waist and thighs still hurt... Maybe after Mei Yuet come back it'll become team Mei Yuet but truth to be told, I like doing the stunts... No matter how chicken I become when first told what the stunts are like, I still love them and do them with all my best when I grasp the concept... Manz, i hope Jesse doesn't change me....
And the bruises? ZY told me to tell others tt "It was all worth it" if ppl asked... Haha!! Com'on... U are telling me to let ppl get the wrong idea... And puhleeze!! No one's going to buy tt joke!!
God, I love the holidays... We are young only once man!
Saturday, December 03, 2005
One row of Bruises
My right arm is fantastically decorated... With BRUISES!!! I look like I got abused like tt... The typical maid-abuse cases kind... I guess the hard knock on my head is still champion but yah, I think my arm is like the most outstanding one...
Flashing to the public my battle scars... Haha!! I think ZY grab me very tight when I fell after tt... He was on my right side and the bruises are mostly on the underarm... My goodness!!
And the bump on my head has been causing me to have some difficulty sleeping at night... Either my hair gets caught and I sort of yank myself awake or I turn around too fast and then land on the bump too fast...
I should be having a super chui face now... Very tired and body aching from cheer also... But I love every minute of it... Haha! Like a bit zhi nue... Self-abuse!! =)
Flashing to the public my battle scars... Haha!! I think ZY grab me very tight when I fell after tt... He was on my right side and the bruises are mostly on the underarm... My goodness!!
And the bump on my head has been causing me to have some difficulty sleeping at night... Either my hair gets caught and I sort of yank myself awake or I turn around too fast and then land on the bump too fast...
I should be having a super chui face now... Very tired and body aching from cheer also... But I love every minute of it... Haha! Like a bit zhi nue... Self-abuse!! =)
Friday, December 02, 2005
I fell with a Thud
We were exchanging words of encouragement and they were saying don't think too much, they won't let me fall... But I did and for a moment I thought I had lost everything...
My left arm went numb and I couldn't speak...
I wanted to go off... But I couldn't...
If I wasn't in charge I guessed I could have swore off cheer-leading... My head hurts...
My left arm went numb and I couldn't speak...
I wanted to go off... But I couldn't...
If I wasn't in charge I guessed I could have swore off cheer-leading... My head hurts...
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Sore Feet Part II
My goodness...
I think I have to do something to my green shoes... It's "biting" me like no one's business... And it hurts big time... I feel so shagged out... Can't stand on my feet at all...
Funny thing is, I ran into a lot of people tt i know today at zouk... Diane and Mandarin FO were already on the "will-meet" list, but Bel? Jas? The guy from my 102 tutorial? and Huiyin? Small Ethan? And even Kai Fai at the carpark of Alan's block... My goodness!!!
Alan and I were laughing tt today is friendship day... So many of my friends... And half the time it took some explanation from them for me to remember who they were... Chui!!!
But today was fun... Very fun... Haha! Dance until very tired... I need to sleep...
I think I have to do something to my green shoes... It's "biting" me like no one's business... And it hurts big time... I feel so shagged out... Can't stand on my feet at all...
Funny thing is, I ran into a lot of people tt i know today at zouk... Diane and Mandarin FO were already on the "will-meet" list, but Bel? Jas? The guy from my 102 tutorial? and Huiyin? Small Ethan? And even Kai Fai at the carpark of Alan's block... My goodness!!!
Alan and I were laughing tt today is friendship day... So many of my friends... And half the time it took some explanation from them for me to remember who they were... Chui!!!
But today was fun... Very fun... Haha! Dance until very tired... I need to sleep...
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Sore Feet and Body
I hate my cheongsam... It's super tight tt even if I didn't have a figure, it would have squeezed a magnificent one out of me... Bloody hell, can't even breathe properly after lunch all thanks to the uniform... And blisters appeared on my feet coz of the sandals...
And now I have a sore body coz of Cheer... Especially, a sore shoulder... Very tired... But it was fun... Jesse is SUPER ZHAI... I have never seen so much strength from a tiny body like hers... And tml still go mambo... Shall sleep in tml morning... Bleh!!!
And now I have a sore body coz of Cheer... Especially, a sore shoulder... Very tired... But it was fun... Jesse is SUPER ZHAI... I have never seen so much strength from a tiny body like hers... And tml still go mambo... Shall sleep in tml morning... Bleh!!!
Friday, November 25, 2005
Make Money and Make Merry
Oh my god, finally... Exams are over... My misery is gone...
Time to make money and spend on the vices of a girl... Clothes, Shoes, Manicure, Pedicure, Bags, Coffee, Lunches, Dinners, Pubbing, Clubbing, Movies, the list is endless... Oh my... Haha!! All the possibilities...
Can finally concentrate on what I had no time to do for the past few weeks and during school... I have been Ssssssssoooooooooooooo neglecting my own welfare... Haha! As IF!!!
I think I'll go crazy just planning and plotting what I can do during this holidays... Too bad tt skiing (like what my dad had promised me) in Hokkaido is out of the equation coz of Cheerleading but dang! Wish I could have tried on tt new winter coat tt papa had bought for me... Oh my... Oh my...
Time to make money and spend on the vices of a girl... Clothes, Shoes, Manicure, Pedicure, Bags, Coffee, Lunches, Dinners, Pubbing, Clubbing, Movies, the list is endless... Oh my... Haha!! All the possibilities...
Can finally concentrate on what I had no time to do for the past few weeks and during school... I have been Ssssssssoooooooooooooo neglecting my own welfare... Haha! As IF!!!
I think I'll go crazy just planning and plotting what I can do during this holidays... Too bad tt skiing (like what my dad had promised me) in Hokkaido is out of the equation coz of Cheerleading but dang! Wish I could have tried on tt new winter coat tt papa had bought for me... Oh my... Oh my...
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Thursday Night
Finally, THE NIGHT... The one last night to endure before the FINAL BATTLE... Freedom is less than 24hours away but it will feel like eternity... I just know tt when I see the first paper, time will fly by and I'll find myself and light and carefree... But the wait till the paper starts, man... It's so long...
Let me recap what I did today...
Woke up at a little past 12 and took a shower... Had a cheese sandwich and settled down to study HP802... Crappy subject... Then played a round of mahjong and won $7... Went for dinner with Emma, Hongliang and Kay Jiunn... Gossiped a bit over dinner... Went to JCRC room with them to study a little bit more... Qimou and Kaleong came to talk cock a bit... Wrapped up my econs and came back to room... Washing laundry now... Blogging...
Such a boring day... Motivation level is zilch... Very busy after tonight...
Saturday have to go Mandarin for cheongsam fitting and meet Diane after tt to go shopping... Oh yah, tml must send out the name list of the attendees for the Cheerleading Safety Workshop... Bleh!!!
Let me recap what I did today...
Woke up at a little past 12 and took a shower... Had a cheese sandwich and settled down to study HP802... Crappy subject... Then played a round of mahjong and won $7... Went for dinner with Emma, Hongliang and Kay Jiunn... Gossiped a bit over dinner... Went to JCRC room with them to study a little bit more... Qimou and Kaleong came to talk cock a bit... Wrapped up my econs and came back to room... Washing laundry now... Blogging...
Such a boring day... Motivation level is zilch... Very busy after tonight...
Saturday have to go Mandarin for cheongsam fitting and meet Diane after tt to go shopping... Oh yah, tml must send out the name list of the attendees for the Cheerleading Safety Workshop... Bleh!!!
Red bumps
Oh my goodness!!! I'm having an outbreak... Eeewww... Why outbreak only when I am 1 day away from freedom?? Shite...
And they are BRIGHT RED... Why now?? How do I go clubbing tml like that??? =(
And they are BRIGHT RED... Why now?? How do I go clubbing tml like that??? =(
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
With Every Breath ~Sixpence None the Richer~
Hallelujah from the heavens
Hallelujah in the heights above the earth
Hallelujah all His angels
Hallelujah for the last will be first
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Hallelujah in the morning
Hallelujah for the beauty of His scars
Hallelujah in the twilight
Hallelujah sun and moon and shining stars
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
When the night seems so long (throw your hands to the sky)
You can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eyes)
When you're weak, He is strong
He can heal your wounded soul
And calm the storm inside
For all your times of laughter
In every hopeful prayer
When the world weighs on your shoulders
Through sorrow and your despair
With everything, with every breath, praise the Lord
Let everything, let every breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything, let every breath praise the Lord
When the night is so long (throw your hands to the sky)
You can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eyes)
When you're weak, He is strong
He can heal your wounded soul
And calm the storm inside
Hallelujah in the heights above the earth
Hallelujah all His angels
Hallelujah for the last will be first
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Hallelujah in the morning
Hallelujah for the beauty of His scars
Hallelujah in the twilight
Hallelujah sun and moon and shining stars
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
When the night seems so long (throw your hands to the sky)
You can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eyes)
When you're weak, He is strong
He can heal your wounded soul
And calm the storm inside
For all your times of laughter
In every hopeful prayer
When the world weighs on your shoulders
Through sorrow and your despair
With everything, with every breath, praise the Lord
Let everything, let every breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything, let every breath praise the Lord
When the night is so long (throw your hands to the sky)
You can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eyes)
When you're weak, He is strong
He can heal your wounded soul
And calm the storm inside
San Francisco & California Dreaming
All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey
I've been for a walk, on a winter's day
I'll be safe and warm, if I was in L.A.
California Dreaming on such a winter's day
If you're going to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair
If you're going to San Francisco
You're gonna meet some gentle people there
Haha! Makes me miss Devil's actually... Diane, do you want to look for some trouble there? You never know what kind of surprise will await us there... These 2 songs never fail you know? Never fail to remind me of Devil's and uh-humph and uh-humph and uh-humph... Haha!
And suddenly miss dancing to these 2 songs... The mindless techno-dance, euro-dance, whatever... And maybe even the pole... Haha!! Oh my, I can't concentrate on economics and implications of inflation... What's with Real and Nominal comparisons...?
Nominal GDP is a measure of GDP in which the quantities produced are valued at current-year prices. Real GDP is a measure of GDP in which the quantities produced are valued at the prices in a base year rather than at current prices... Get it? I do, but I'm lost after that part...
Oh my, all the econs I studied in Year 1 back in TP are all gone... I can't even recall my econs' tutor's name although there isn't a point in remembering his or her name... I just hope that the questions that come out during the exams happen to make sense to me and that I can find an answer to them...
And then there's HP802 too... Oh man, what kind of shit have I landed myself in by taking up these 2 GE and PE to have the exam papers on the same day...
I've been for a walk, on a winter's day
I'll be safe and warm, if I was in L.A.
California Dreaming on such a winter's day
If you're going to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair
If you're going to San Francisco
You're gonna meet some gentle people there
Haha! Makes me miss Devil's actually... Diane, do you want to look for some trouble there? You never know what kind of surprise will await us there... These 2 songs never fail you know? Never fail to remind me of Devil's and uh-humph and uh-humph and uh-humph... Haha!
And suddenly miss dancing to these 2 songs... The mindless techno-dance, euro-dance, whatever... And maybe even the pole... Haha!! Oh my, I can't concentrate on economics and implications of inflation... What's with Real and Nominal comparisons...?
Nominal GDP is a measure of GDP in which the quantities produced are valued at current-year prices. Real GDP is a measure of GDP in which the quantities produced are valued at the prices in a base year rather than at current prices... Get it? I do, but I'm lost after that part...
Oh my, all the econs I studied in Year 1 back in TP are all gone... I can't even recall my econs' tutor's name although there isn't a point in remembering his or her name... I just hope that the questions that come out during the exams happen to make sense to me and that I can find an answer to them...
And then there's HP802 too... Oh man, what kind of shit have I landed myself in by taking up these 2 GE and PE to have the exam papers on the same day...
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Charity Work
Yesterday and today combined, I have played 4 rounds of mahjong(so far) and everytime i won some money except just now when we played with weimin... I lost $4.40... I shall treat tt a charity work...
Monday, November 21, 2005
Dear Di...
Dear Di,
we will have a slight crowd control problem on Wednesday, 30th Nov 2005 when we go to Mambo... U see, very much the whole of Mandarin's Front Office will be there too to embrace music from our not too far history... And I have Uni friends who might be going as well as like one said, he hasn't seen zouk since it reopened to the public...
And of course, there will be Bel with her NTU friends... We might have a lil problem trying to find an empty spot on the Ladies' Floor... Haha!! But I guess tt would not be a problem considering u tend to conquer any platform tt u want... And oh yes, if my Uni friends do go, apparently someone is interested in seeing who u are... When he said tt, it didn't quite please me but i just "haha" on MSN... Anyway, i pointedly said u are already attached to an alpha male... Let's keep the knowledge tt u are attached, to ourselves only on Wednesday... Attached girls usually do not have as much fun... Tt's what u told me long long time ago at Devils' remember?
"Aki, stop telling everyone u meet tt u have a bf..."
And dear Di, although i already have my clubbing wardrobe organised and ready for me, I am still open to the idea of going to town to shop some more... A girl can't get enough of clubbing tops and maybe a new belt?? Maybe even a sparkly necklace to up the glam factor of my plain-coloured spag straps...
Yours Truly,
Aki
we will have a slight crowd control problem on Wednesday, 30th Nov 2005 when we go to Mambo... U see, very much the whole of Mandarin's Front Office will be there too to embrace music from our not too far history... And I have Uni friends who might be going as well as like one said, he hasn't seen zouk since it reopened to the public...
And of course, there will be Bel with her NTU friends... We might have a lil problem trying to find an empty spot on the Ladies' Floor... Haha!! But I guess tt would not be a problem considering u tend to conquer any platform tt u want... And oh yes, if my Uni friends do go, apparently someone is interested in seeing who u are... When he said tt, it didn't quite please me but i just "haha" on MSN... Anyway, i pointedly said u are already attached to an alpha male... Let's keep the knowledge tt u are attached, to ourselves only on Wednesday... Attached girls usually do not have as much fun... Tt's what u told me long long time ago at Devils' remember?
"Aki, stop telling everyone u meet tt u have a bf..."
And dear Di, although i already have my clubbing wardrobe organised and ready for me, I am still open to the idea of going to town to shop some more... A girl can't get enough of clubbing tops and maybe a new belt?? Maybe even a sparkly necklace to up the glam factor of my plain-coloured spag straps...
Yours Truly,
Aki
Monday Morning Blues
It's a rainy day... And I had to pull myself off the bed and avoid the advances of my Oh so Charming blanket... It's so ccccooooooolllllllllddddddddddd.........
Bleh! Bored...
Bleh! Bored...
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Cold and Restless
It's cold... And the goosebumps on my legs are like... Shouldn't have worn FBT shorts... Kinda wrapped up under my blanket...
Trying to read my HP802 but nothing concrete is staying in the brain... Sad... Tml shall start on Econs and spend 3 days on it... Thursday shall be my crash course in HP802 again...
Restless, can't seem to find a single spot in the room tt will quieten me down... And also maybe coz music of some kind keeps floating around in my mind... I dun noe what it is but it sounds so familiar yet so strange... Wish i had my piano now so tt i can play it out and see how i feel about it...
My nails are distracting me!!! The candy pink looks so delicious... haha! Makes me want to suck on my own fingers (ok, maybe tt didn't come out right)... They look pretty but sexy...? It's a wonder how nice nails can give me such a big ego boost...
I realised tt some of the keypads on my laptop has been worn out and is sort of fading... Haha! I think i blogged too much... Hehe! Maybe not blogging but doing html work on the skins... I am continuing my search for beautiful skins tt i might use and working on them even now... So tt i can change skin anytime i want... To suit my moods...
My mind is drawing a blank when it comes to academics but it's so full with abstract thoughts tt i just can't settle down... It feels plain, weird... This might just be tt one sleepless night when i can't rest coz something is bothering me but at the same time, i can't rest coz i dun noe what is it tt's bothering me... Bleh!
I wish i could psychoanalyse myself... But i'll probably have personal bias... I think i should ask someone to tell me what kind of person they think i am... And sort of compile everything... Get to know myself from other ppl's perspectives.... haha!!
Ooh... Dark chocolate... Releases endorphines...
Hopefully tt chocolate will soothe my soul... Have never liked milk chocolate ever since i first tasted dark chocolate... Tt bitter-sweet taste reminds me of love... And the u are not supposed to chomp onto dark chocolate... Just let it melt slowly and gently on ur tongue and let tt smooth liquid slide down ur throat... It is heaven to me... Nothing beats chocolate-covered strawberries and a glass of champagne or chardonnay... Haha! Expensive taste, maybe, but these moments are frightfully rare...
Can u just imagine this scene for me?
A bathroom lit gently with warm yellow lights, soft music is playing and there a huge mirror atop the wash basin... Lavendar-scented candles burning and u are sitting comfortably in a warm bubble bath, sipping on champagne and biting luxuriously into the chocolate-covered strawberries...
Soft, fluffy towels are laid within reach and the terry-cloth robe is on the hook... U pad quietly into the adjoining bedroom and the bed has rose petals strewn around on the floor...
The clean white sheets are cool to touch while the blanket has this inviting warmth and softness tt totally wraps u... The curtains are drawn back and lights twinkle amidst the dark night sky... It's the rest of the city, displaying the lights to u in all their splendour...
It's noisy and alive outside in the city but u are safe and warm in ur own lil world, and snuggle in for a relaxing night, luxurious rest...
Maybe the rose petals were a lil too much, but u get my drift...
Trying to read my HP802 but nothing concrete is staying in the brain... Sad... Tml shall start on Econs and spend 3 days on it... Thursday shall be my crash course in HP802 again...
Restless, can't seem to find a single spot in the room tt will quieten me down... And also maybe coz music of some kind keeps floating around in my mind... I dun noe what it is but it sounds so familiar yet so strange... Wish i had my piano now so tt i can play it out and see how i feel about it...
My nails are distracting me!!! The candy pink looks so delicious... haha! Makes me want to suck on my own fingers (ok, maybe tt didn't come out right)... They look pretty but sexy...? It's a wonder how nice nails can give me such a big ego boost...
I realised tt some of the keypads on my laptop has been worn out and is sort of fading... Haha! I think i blogged too much... Hehe! Maybe not blogging but doing html work on the skins... I am continuing my search for beautiful skins tt i might use and working on them even now... So tt i can change skin anytime i want... To suit my moods...
My mind is drawing a blank when it comes to academics but it's so full with abstract thoughts tt i just can't settle down... It feels plain, weird... This might just be tt one sleepless night when i can't rest coz something is bothering me but at the same time, i can't rest coz i dun noe what is it tt's bothering me... Bleh!
I wish i could psychoanalyse myself... But i'll probably have personal bias... I think i should ask someone to tell me what kind of person they think i am... And sort of compile everything... Get to know myself from other ppl's perspectives.... haha!!
Ooh... Dark chocolate... Releases endorphines...
Hopefully tt chocolate will soothe my soul... Have never liked milk chocolate ever since i first tasted dark chocolate... Tt bitter-sweet taste reminds me of love... And the u are not supposed to chomp onto dark chocolate... Just let it melt slowly and gently on ur tongue and let tt smooth liquid slide down ur throat... It is heaven to me... Nothing beats chocolate-covered strawberries and a glass of champagne or chardonnay... Haha! Expensive taste, maybe, but these moments are frightfully rare...
Can u just imagine this scene for me?
A bathroom lit gently with warm yellow lights, soft music is playing and there a huge mirror atop the wash basin... Lavendar-scented candles burning and u are sitting comfortably in a warm bubble bath, sipping on champagne and biting luxuriously into the chocolate-covered strawberries...
Soft, fluffy towels are laid within reach and the terry-cloth robe is on the hook... U pad quietly into the adjoining bedroom and the bed has rose petals strewn around on the floor...
The clean white sheets are cool to touch while the blanket has this inviting warmth and softness tt totally wraps u... The curtains are drawn back and lights twinkle amidst the dark night sky... It's the rest of the city, displaying the lights to u in all their splendour...
It's noisy and alive outside in the city but u are safe and warm in ur own lil world, and snuggle in for a relaxing night, luxurious rest...
Maybe the rose petals were a lil too much, but u get my drift...
Sunday before The Party
Can't wait... Friday is drawing near...
I have already had my manicure and pedicure done on Friday... The girl's name was Nonie and she was good man... Her massage felt great and the colours she picked for me were very suited for me and i'm happy tt i got my nails squared and not rounded... Diane was right... And Raye came to do her brows.. Was surprised when her bf came to say hi...
Went to Zara to buy 2 spag straps in Christmas colours haha! Diane bought this Yogie bear T-shirt... So cute!!!
I just bought this new pair of clubbing heels today on the way back to school... It's faux snakeskin in army green... About 2 inches so it's just nice for dancing... Haha! A bit like my Power-Shoes... And I guess Diane was right again to say tt she told Bel tt heels serve as a fulcrum for both her and I when it comes to dancing... Bel wonders why we can dance on heels but we just can't dance without heels!!
And i bought a new pair of jeans with a longer length to complement the new heels... It's still fitting but it has a rugged texture and finish to it tt i love... It totally looks kick-ass to me... And i just could see how this pair would become my all-time fave jeans to club in... Haha!!!!
There are already 5 ppl on the party-list for Friday and there are more hopping on to party wagon... Just can't wait to just dance insanely... My god! I am soooooo party-deprived... It's like an addiction and no amount of rehab will make me kick tt habit... Maybe when i grow a lil older and lose my endurance and stamina... haha!!
Shall learn to embrace partying again... Don't want to, like yw said, party only coz i'm looking for an escape from reality... I dun want to hide anymore...
I still think of him, and maybe miss him even, but i dun cry anymore.... When moments like these come, i just smile and continue doing what i was doing... yw said, u are like, strong but not strong... Haha! Not here not there kinda?? Well, I feel so much more at peace with myself and life... Have never felt so full of anticipation and excitement...
Diane and I have a date on the 30th to mambo together... When was the last time we partied together? Just the 2 of us? And a bunch of cai-tous? Huh? Haha! We'll have to start from scratch coz the likes of Bran, Alvin and Glenn are not ard anymore...
I am soooo ready.... Bring it on!!!
I have already had my manicure and pedicure done on Friday... The girl's name was Nonie and she was good man... Her massage felt great and the colours she picked for me were very suited for me and i'm happy tt i got my nails squared and not rounded... Diane was right... And Raye came to do her brows.. Was surprised when her bf came to say hi...
Went to Zara to buy 2 spag straps in Christmas colours haha! Diane bought this Yogie bear T-shirt... So cute!!!
I just bought this new pair of clubbing heels today on the way back to school... It's faux snakeskin in army green... About 2 inches so it's just nice for dancing... Haha! A bit like my Power-Shoes... And I guess Diane was right again to say tt she told Bel tt heels serve as a fulcrum for both her and I when it comes to dancing... Bel wonders why we can dance on heels but we just can't dance without heels!!
And i bought a new pair of jeans with a longer length to complement the new heels... It's still fitting but it has a rugged texture and finish to it tt i love... It totally looks kick-ass to me... And i just could see how this pair would become my all-time fave jeans to club in... Haha!!!!
There are already 5 ppl on the party-list for Friday and there are more hopping on to party wagon... Just can't wait to just dance insanely... My god! I am soooooo party-deprived... It's like an addiction and no amount of rehab will make me kick tt habit... Maybe when i grow a lil older and lose my endurance and stamina... haha!!
Shall learn to embrace partying again... Don't want to, like yw said, party only coz i'm looking for an escape from reality... I dun want to hide anymore...
I still think of him, and maybe miss him even, but i dun cry anymore.... When moments like these come, i just smile and continue doing what i was doing... yw said, u are like, strong but not strong... Haha! Not here not there kinda?? Well, I feel so much more at peace with myself and life... Have never felt so full of anticipation and excitement...
Diane and I have a date on the 30th to mambo together... When was the last time we partied together? Just the 2 of us? And a bunch of cai-tous? Huh? Haha! We'll have to start from scratch coz the likes of Bran, Alvin and Glenn are not ard anymore...
I am soooo ready.... Bring it on!!!
Friday, November 18, 2005
WoOoOoHoOoOo
Phew... Finally, HP200 is over and i can take a lil sniff at the freedom tt is beckoning... The most stressful part is over... Left with HP802 and Econs... Cross my fingers tt everything will be ok...
Will be meeting Diane later for coffee... While waiting for my laundry, shall pack my bag, clean the room a bit, slap on some make-up and wind down a bit...
Have to get my watch fixed and get my mani-pedicure... Man, i totally deserve it... Maybe drop by Mandarin to see if the rest are there... To look for Ms Ng also to check with her on tt job... Have to get back to Winnie about it also...
Peckish now... Shall root around in my fridge to see if there is still something in there tt is fit for human consumption...
Will be meeting Diane later for coffee... While waiting for my laundry, shall pack my bag, clean the room a bit, slap on some make-up and wind down a bit...
Have to get my watch fixed and get my mani-pedicure... Man, i totally deserve it... Maybe drop by Mandarin to see if the rest are there... To look for Ms Ng also to check with her on tt job... Have to get back to Winnie about it also...
Peckish now... Shall root around in my fridge to see if there is still something in there tt is fit for human consumption...
Thursday, November 17, 2005
New Skin
Looking at my new skin, i feel refresh and reflective... Refreshed tt i have put my boredom aside and reflective coz i try to imagine what was it i wanted to express with this new skin of mine...
Well, I guess it's tt romantic, sombre mood tt got to me... Decided to do away with toughness and suaveness of the feminine kind for a while... Haha! The Be-A-Bitch campaign has just flown out of the window...
I wish tt tml will come quickly... End my misery and free my soul (or brain?)... My legs are restless after watching "So you think you can dance" but my legs won't be performing the quick step anytime soon... More like trashing it out on the dancefloor at Mambo... I can only stare ruefully at my "dance shoes" and will myself to stay close to my books and notes...
Lord have mercy and free me soon from this monotonous period...
Well, I guess it's tt romantic, sombre mood tt got to me... Decided to do away with toughness and suaveness of the feminine kind for a while... Haha! The Be-A-Bitch campaign has just flown out of the window...
I wish tt tml will come quickly... End my misery and free my soul (or brain?)... My legs are restless after watching "So you think you can dance" but my legs won't be performing the quick step anytime soon... More like trashing it out on the dancefloor at Mambo... I can only stare ruefully at my "dance shoes" and will myself to stay close to my books and notes...
Lord have mercy and free me soon from this monotonous period...
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Things to do on this Friday
(1) Take HP200 exam
(2) Pack HP802 notes to bring home and read
(3) Get a manicure
(4) Get a pedicure done at the same time
(5) Meet Diane for whatever
(6) Go home for dinner
(7) Slack in front of the TV
(8) Read through HP802
How exciting... Bleh! =P
(2) Pack HP802 notes to bring home and read
(3) Get a manicure
(4) Get a pedicure done at the same time
(5) Meet Diane for whatever
(6) Go home for dinner
(7) Slack in front of the TV
(8) Read through HP802
How exciting... Bleh! =P
It's freaking early...
I can't believe i am still awake at this hour... Maybe watching Artem has made my mind go into some sort of overdrive... Too bad he's married, but i'll never be able to put his long elegant legs out of my mind... And of course, tt lean and toned bod of his...
He just has tt smouldering look in his eyes when he is passionate about it and it makes me just want to melt... And when he smiles, god, is he gorgeous... There will be this twinkle in his eye tt makes me want to ruffle up his hair...
Rugged and poised, manly and mature... I just can't get over his Jude Law-ish charm and like Limei said, yah, he has tt Aragorn look... I still think he was the best when doing the Paso Doble and actually, he was good at everything he did... Just took my breath away... He is the kind of man tt u will find as the lead in a splendid romance novel...
To me, Artem oozes sex appeal and coolness... He owns it... With those eyes of his and a body like tt, man... I would kill to have him do the Paso Doble with yours sincerely....
Muackz! =)
He just has tt smouldering look in his eyes when he is passionate about it and it makes me just want to melt... And when he smiles, god, is he gorgeous... There will be this twinkle in his eye tt makes me want to ruffle up his hair...
Rugged and poised, manly and mature... I just can't get over his Jude Law-ish charm and like Limei said, yah, he has tt Aragorn look... I still think he was the best when doing the Paso Doble and actually, he was good at everything he did... Just took my breath away... He is the kind of man tt u will find as the lead in a splendid romance novel...
To me, Artem oozes sex appeal and coolness... He owns it... With those eyes of his and a body like tt, man... I would kill to have him do the Paso Doble with yours sincerely....
Muackz! =)
Monday, November 14, 2005
Hell Week
I hope tml comes and goes quickly, then HP102 will be out of the way... Then friday will bring HP200 and then i'll be able to breathe easy... Somehow, after Friday, I will be able to stretch a little... And looking at James' past year paper for Tourism, i miss tt kind of talk-cock kind of exam... Can use ur innovation and creativity and some glib comments to fake it through... Oh man, i'm so god at it, i should just go back to the tourism industry...
Sunday, November 13, 2005
My bracelet
The bracelet tt my dad gave me for my birthday present has snapped... Realised it only tt day when we were playing mahjong... One of the hearts sort of broke and I really felt blue... U see, tt part wasn't made of chain such tt u can link it back...
My mum had warned me tt it was delicate so i shouldn't wear it so often but i didn't listen and now it is broken... God, i feel so sad... I kinda cried and said sorry to my dad over the phone last night... I think tt was the one thing tt he gave me which i liked a lot... Really a lot...
The dress watch tt my dad gave me, i dropped and broke it... My ex bought me a titus to replace it and i know my dad was kinda disappointed when he saw i didn't wear the watch he bought me anymore but i didn't have the guts to tell him i dropped his watch...
Now the bracelet he got me is broken too... The only gifts tt are still fine is those tt i rarely use... I feel so bad, but my wrist feels funny too... Kinda got used to having a bracelet on so now my wrist feels too naked without it... I dun know why i miss it so much when i dun even really like gold accessories....
My mum had warned me tt it was delicate so i shouldn't wear it so often but i didn't listen and now it is broken... God, i feel so sad... I kinda cried and said sorry to my dad over the phone last night... I think tt was the one thing tt he gave me which i liked a lot... Really a lot...
The dress watch tt my dad gave me, i dropped and broke it... My ex bought me a titus to replace it and i know my dad was kinda disappointed when he saw i didn't wear the watch he bought me anymore but i didn't have the guts to tell him i dropped his watch...
Now the bracelet he got me is broken too... The only gifts tt are still fine is those tt i rarely use... I feel so bad, but my wrist feels funny too... Kinda got used to having a bracelet on so now my wrist feels too naked without it... I dun know why i miss it so much when i dun even really like gold accessories....
Saturday, November 12, 2005
US
I feel so much inside tt I feel like I'm choking... So many things, so many factors contribute to this feeling tt i have inside...
Last night, someone told me tt if i don't feel like doing what is right, then don't... The analogy tt i gave him was simple enough... But if he knew what was the debate tt was gg on in me, would he have said tt?? The funny thing is, he of all ppl should have most understood... After all, he seems to be forever stuck in tt cycle since ever... The truth would hurt too much...
He, the one person tt for a moment in the past, i used to look at with pitiful scorn... For not being able to step out and "do the right thing"... Who knew i would be in the same predicament one day?? And as to what limei told me, yah, i would definitely hate him if it turned out to be true... After all tt violent denials and aggressive defensiveness, how could i not if it was true...? And yah girl, u had a point there about not being open and being petty if i were to be tt way but what the fuck?! Like what Kherray said, I have put up with enough shit... Why be the gracious one and bestow one with friendliness when all i had was nothing and lies?? False hopes given and only to be crushed by the same person...
Hate to be reliving it now again when i had managed to paste together a nice enough mask to hide behind... Oh man, why did we have tt conversation again in the first place? I am sooooo, no, too easily affected... Damn!
And in life, it's so easy to say and know what is right and wrong but how often do we really do what we preach? I hate smoking but give in to tt mindless relaxation when i'm stressed and man, why did i give in at mambo tt night?! It was easy to curse and swear at tt guy tt let ur friend down, but when it happens to u, can u react with such suaveness and coolness? Things like tt... Oh man, and why do Diane and i always lead parallel lives? We are like the predictors of each other's lives... When something happens to one, it is bound to happen to the other soon enough... It's just plain freaky...
It is just scary tt after not talking for so long, we sit down to talk and realise tt we have been leading almost identical lives... What does tt say?? Oh man, we lead such messed up love lives... Whatever happened to Happily Ever After?? DId our fairy godmothers forget about us??
What was it about tt bet?? About B&J and dinner and movie... What was tt about?? What was with tt "so u want a lot of fun la"... It's gg round in my mind... What is it about tt flirtatious talk online? Ok, maybe not flirtatious, it just happens... But what the fuck!!! All these and more is spinning around in my head... I feel like i'm in the eye of a storm and watching as the things tt the tornado has swept up, goes round and round around me... And see no way out of it...
Last night, someone told me tt if i don't feel like doing what is right, then don't... The analogy tt i gave him was simple enough... But if he knew what was the debate tt was gg on in me, would he have said tt?? The funny thing is, he of all ppl should have most understood... After all, he seems to be forever stuck in tt cycle since ever... The truth would hurt too much...
He, the one person tt for a moment in the past, i used to look at with pitiful scorn... For not being able to step out and "do the right thing"... Who knew i would be in the same predicament one day?? And as to what limei told me, yah, i would definitely hate him if it turned out to be true... After all tt violent denials and aggressive defensiveness, how could i not if it was true...? And yah girl, u had a point there about not being open and being petty if i were to be tt way but what the fuck?! Like what Kherray said, I have put up with enough shit... Why be the gracious one and bestow one with friendliness when all i had was nothing and lies?? False hopes given and only to be crushed by the same person...
Hate to be reliving it now again when i had managed to paste together a nice enough mask to hide behind... Oh man, why did we have tt conversation again in the first place? I am sooooo, no, too easily affected... Damn!
And in life, it's so easy to say and know what is right and wrong but how often do we really do what we preach? I hate smoking but give in to tt mindless relaxation when i'm stressed and man, why did i give in at mambo tt night?! It was easy to curse and swear at tt guy tt let ur friend down, but when it happens to u, can u react with such suaveness and coolness? Things like tt... Oh man, and why do Diane and i always lead parallel lives? We are like the predictors of each other's lives... When something happens to one, it is bound to happen to the other soon enough... It's just plain freaky...
It is just scary tt after not talking for so long, we sit down to talk and realise tt we have been leading almost identical lives... What does tt say?? Oh man, we lead such messed up love lives... Whatever happened to Happily Ever After?? DId our fairy godmothers forget about us??
What was it about tt bet?? About B&J and dinner and movie... What was tt about?? What was with tt "so u want a lot of fun la"... It's gg round in my mind... What is it about tt flirtatious talk online? Ok, maybe not flirtatious, it just happens... But what the fuck!!! All these and more is spinning around in my head... I feel like i'm in the eye of a storm and watching as the things tt the tornado has swept up, goes round and round around me... And see no way out of it...
Yah limei, it's a love-hate thing... How heartwarming tt the world is such a complicated place... And why did i, or since when did i give up on my BE-A-BITCH campaign?? It's so much easier to be cold and hard, not warm and bubbly... Then u just feel the pressure to always smile and feel good about the world...
Oh man, like i said last night, am i gg thru menopause?? Oh man, super no mood for things... What is life and why do we live? How does one see any meaning to life when pain and sorrow seems to be in everything tt we see? What is our ultimate purpose in life when we should all die in the end... What is the main reason behind having emotions and the ability to feel? And what are thoughts for when they can torment... And why do we feel afraid? If we all fail to exist and think after death, what was the whole purpose behind all tt we did before we passed...?
Oh man, feeling crappy... And i just dyed my hair... And i wonder why did i even bother when it's gg to grow out again and i'll need to colour it again... small thing like tt....
I want the beach, where i can just bask in the warmth of the sun and play in the water, and just simply be naive again... Knowing too much has made me wary of the world... It brings pain, yet i embrace it with so much hope for a better future... I can scream " Fuck u world, I hate u" but in the end, i still love being alive so much tt i start to think i'm a borderline case...
I love all the shit tt u can throw to me coz it makes me appreciate the good things in life better... I still love u and i don't know how long i can do tt until it turns to hate, but i still do...
Friday, November 11, 2005
miracle
Praying for a miracle... Dreaming of the seemingly impossible... Hoping for what is always just beyond my reach... Oh man... Now I know what Jem meant by exam period being the season of love... Sigh... How heartwarming to see a honeymoon couple 24/7 when i am aching inside... Trying hard to maintain all tt i have managed to muster in this short period, trying to remain cool and collected about everything... Trying not to have think of all the "what ifs" and all the "it could have beens".... It's so hard to keep hiding behind a facade... How long can i hold up?? And why do I find it so hard to let go...? Coz i'm still dreaming??
HP102
What's with the wordiness?? And somehow i find tt this is a "memorise" kind of subject... Only 2 chapters down, my god... How do i finish the remaining 11...? I am soooooo dead.... Bleh!!! =P
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Why Do You Love Me
I'm no barbie doll
I'm not your baby girl
I've done ugly things and I have made mistakes
And I am not as pretty as those girls in magazines
I am rotten to my core if they're to be believed
So what if I'm no baby bird hanging upon your every word?
Nothing ever smells of roses that rises out of mud
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
You're not some little boy
Why you acting so surprised
You're sick of all the rules
Well I'm sick of all your lies
Now I've held back a wealth of shit, I think I'm gonna choke
I'm standing in the shadows with the words stuck in my throat
Does it really come as a surprise when I tell you I don't feel good?
Nothing ever came from nothing man
Oh man, ain't that the truth
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it, I do it again
I think you're sleeping with a friend of mine
I have no proof but I think that I'm right
And you've still got the most beautiful face
It just makes me sad most of the time
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it, I do it again
Do it again
Do it again
Do it again
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
I'm not your baby girl
I've done ugly things and I have made mistakes
And I am not as pretty as those girls in magazines
I am rotten to my core if they're to be believed
So what if I'm no baby bird hanging upon your every word?
Nothing ever smells of roses that rises out of mud
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
You're not some little boy
Why you acting so surprised
You're sick of all the rules
Well I'm sick of all your lies
Now I've held back a wealth of shit, I think I'm gonna choke
I'm standing in the shadows with the words stuck in my throat
Does it really come as a surprise when I tell you I don't feel good?
Nothing ever came from nothing man
Oh man, ain't that the truth
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it, I do it again
I think you're sleeping with a friend of mine
I have no proof but I think that I'm right
And you've still got the most beautiful face
It just makes me sad most of the time
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it again
I get back up and I do it, I do it again
Do it again
Do it again
Do it again
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me, it's driving me crazy
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Why do you love me
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Fuck It ( I don't Want you back )
Whoa oh oh
Ooh hooh
No No No
[Verse 1:]
See, I dont know why I liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, I loved you, now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain, I wanna let u know how I feel
[Chorus:]
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
[Verse 2:]
You thought, you could
Keep this shit from me, yeah
Ya burnt bitch, I heard the story
Ya played me, ya even gave him head
Now ya askin for me back
Ya just another act, look elsewhere
Cuz ya done with me
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Ya questioned, did I care
You could ask anyone, I even said
Ya were my great one
Now its, over, but I do admit I'm sad.
It hurts real bad, I cant sweat that, cuz I loved a hoe
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
[Until the end]
Ooh hooh
No No No
[Verse 1:]
See, I dont know why I liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, I loved you, now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain, I wanna let u know how I feel
[Chorus:]
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
[Verse 2:]
You thought, you could
Keep this shit from me, yeah
Ya burnt bitch, I heard the story
Ya played me, ya even gave him head
Now ya askin for me back
Ya just another act, look elsewhere
Cuz ya done with me
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Ya questioned, did I care
You could ask anyone, I even said
Ya were my great one
Now its, over, but I do admit I'm sad.
It hurts real bad, I cant sweat that, cuz I loved a hoe
Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses they didn't mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
Oh ohUh huh yeah
[Until the end]
what do i want
He asked me, "what must i do, what do u want...?"
Actually, i don't need anything at all... Not any more... Nothing tt u give and say could mean anything to me anymore... Yes, there was once when a single hurting word would have reduced me to tears and ur one smile would have brightened my day...
We are 2 single entities now, and i am no longer affected by u... I feel only a passive dull ache when i see u sad and feel only a numbness and can only smile with no emotions...
This has to end, soon... Coz this is driving me crazy with guilt for being so unfeeling and it's driving me mad tt u are giving me shit during exams...
For the first time ever, i wish i still loved u, just so all this nonsense could stop... But it's not possible anymore...
Actually, i don't need anything at all... Not any more... Nothing tt u give and say could mean anything to me anymore... Yes, there was once when a single hurting word would have reduced me to tears and ur one smile would have brightened my day...
We are 2 single entities now, and i am no longer affected by u... I feel only a passive dull ache when i see u sad and feel only a numbness and can only smile with no emotions...
This has to end, soon... Coz this is driving me crazy with guilt for being so unfeeling and it's driving me mad tt u are giving me shit during exams...
For the first time ever, i wish i still loved u, just so all this nonsense could stop... But it's not possible anymore...
first paper
First paper over and done with... Felt good about it... For the first time, felt assured tt exams in Uni isn't tt scary... Kinda happy tt the first paper is over and the next is in about 6 days' time... Time will fly and soon i'll be free again... Not exactly "free" kind of "free" but at least can stay away from academics for a month and recharge and brain cells... Have been putting in a lot of over time these few days and more to come in the next 3 weeks....
Tired, sleepy and hungry... Jap curry tonight!!!
Tired, sleepy and hungry... Jap curry tonight!!!
Monday, November 07, 2005
not missing him
Haha!! I'm not missing him... Although some of u have told me tt my previous post seemed to indicate so... No... But he's not forgotten... Coz he was unforgettable...
And what we shared was unforgettable too.
And what we shared was unforgettable too.
the notebook
I have just watched The Notebook... I have not cried watching a film for a long long time... And i wasn't tearing... It was the full on, "i can't breathe" kind of crying... I was touched, beyond words...
For those of u who haven't watched the film and want to, stop here. Ask me for it, i'll send it to u... Watch and see for urself what true love is...
Watching Noah read to Ellie who has dementia was just a profound experience... I thought of my grandparents actually. They have passed away in recent times.
My grandfather was senile and lived at a hospice in the last 4-5years of his life... He basically couldn't remember anyone of us everytime we visited him, just like Ellie... Noah read to Ellie everyday, the story of them, tt Ellie herself had written in her younger years... He read to her, in the hope tt she would remember when everyone around was saying tt dementia was an irreversible illness and tt her memory will never come back.
Ellie couldn't remember the man tt she love so much. And my grandfather too... I know for one thing tt my grandparents were very much in love with each other... But he couldn't remember his wife anymore and she herself, contracted stomach cancer tt weakened her immune system. She couldn't go to the hospice to visit him as it wasn't good for her and travelling caused her pain... Watching the old Noah and Ellie just reminded me of them... And i grew sad, knowing tt i had never really had enough time with them. They were in Tokyo, I was in Singapore... When i finally went back to visit my grandparents after 6 years, my grandfather didn't know who i was and i remembered the tears my grandmother shed when she saw tt we had grown so tall.
Then, seeing young Noah and Ellie made me think of him... He wasn't my first love, but he was one man tt really loved me... Maybe we weren't as crazy as tt pair and we weren't as lucky to have so much time with each other, but we definitely had seen great days... We rarely fought, but tt was only coz he always gave in to my requests... When we did, it was big time with pushing, yelling, tears, screaming... But i know tt back then, he would have done the same thing as Noah, for me... We really loved each other and we were crazy about each other then... It just made me sadder tt it was gone too...
He was the one man tt made me believe tt i could depend on him for the rest of my life... I was sure tt he would love me, take care of me and we would be happy... But i guess i started asking and looking for too much... I wanted something more than a life with him... I thought his requests for me was too much but i was more selfish when i started seeking the freedom of youth tt was taken away in exchange for him... He gave so much to compensate but i was never satisfied...
Am i sorry now tt we have changed? I don't think so and i don't regret what we did... But who isn't sadden by a loss...? Loss of someone who cared deeply for me... And the pain tt i still cause him now... Sometimes i wish u wouldn't treat me so nice...
P.S: Even Limei says u are nice... U can put up with a lot of shit...
P.S.S: U won't get to see this anyway...
For those of u who haven't watched the film and want to, stop here. Ask me for it, i'll send it to u... Watch and see for urself what true love is...
Watching Noah read to Ellie who has dementia was just a profound experience... I thought of my grandparents actually. They have passed away in recent times.
My grandfather was senile and lived at a hospice in the last 4-5years of his life... He basically couldn't remember anyone of us everytime we visited him, just like Ellie... Noah read to Ellie everyday, the story of them, tt Ellie herself had written in her younger years... He read to her, in the hope tt she would remember when everyone around was saying tt dementia was an irreversible illness and tt her memory will never come back.
Ellie couldn't remember the man tt she love so much. And my grandfather too... I know for one thing tt my grandparents were very much in love with each other... But he couldn't remember his wife anymore and she herself, contracted stomach cancer tt weakened her immune system. She couldn't go to the hospice to visit him as it wasn't good for her and travelling caused her pain... Watching the old Noah and Ellie just reminded me of them... And i grew sad, knowing tt i had never really had enough time with them. They were in Tokyo, I was in Singapore... When i finally went back to visit my grandparents after 6 years, my grandfather didn't know who i was and i remembered the tears my grandmother shed when she saw tt we had grown so tall.
Then, seeing young Noah and Ellie made me think of him... He wasn't my first love, but he was one man tt really loved me... Maybe we weren't as crazy as tt pair and we weren't as lucky to have so much time with each other, but we definitely had seen great days... We rarely fought, but tt was only coz he always gave in to my requests... When we did, it was big time with pushing, yelling, tears, screaming... But i know tt back then, he would have done the same thing as Noah, for me... We really loved each other and we were crazy about each other then... It just made me sadder tt it was gone too...
He was the one man tt made me believe tt i could depend on him for the rest of my life... I was sure tt he would love me, take care of me and we would be happy... But i guess i started asking and looking for too much... I wanted something more than a life with him... I thought his requests for me was too much but i was more selfish when i started seeking the freedom of youth tt was taken away in exchange for him... He gave so much to compensate but i was never satisfied...
Am i sorry now tt we have changed? I don't think so and i don't regret what we did... But who isn't sadden by a loss...? Loss of someone who cared deeply for me... And the pain tt i still cause him now... Sometimes i wish u wouldn't treat me so nice...
P.S: Even Limei says u are nice... U can put up with a lot of shit...
P.S.S: U won't get to see this anyway...
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Boring afternoon
Watching the sunlight slowly disappear from my bed, makes me sleepy and tempted to take an afternoon snooze... But schizophrenia is waving its arms at me to continue reading on... Eyelids are drooping...
I wonder what's he doing now...
And why is blogger so slow these few days (i'm not the only one complaining)...
I wonder what soft toy i'll get... Not a hippo ba!! (pls, no...)
I wonder why we ended up like this...
I wonder what will we be like when exams are all over and holiday starts...
I wonder what i can do with all the wires tt are coiling around on my table...
I wonder where is a more secure place to place my webcam (it has toppled twice)...
I wonder why we ended up like this...
I wonder if i still can take this...
I wonder when will night fall to envelope me...
I wonder when i can go tanning again...
I wonder why i still think of him...
I wonder why letting go is so hard...
I wonder why freedom eludes me...
I wonder is it coz i refuse to let freedom take me...
And i wonder why i refuse to let it take me away...
I wonder why it is so difficult...
Why??
I wonder what's he doing now...
And why is blogger so slow these few days (i'm not the only one complaining)...
I wonder what soft toy i'll get... Not a hippo ba!! (pls, no...)
I wonder why we ended up like this...
I wonder what will we be like when exams are all over and holiday starts...
I wonder what i can do with all the wires tt are coiling around on my table...
I wonder where is a more secure place to place my webcam (it has toppled twice)...
I wonder why we ended up like this...
I wonder if i still can take this...
I wonder when will night fall to envelope me...
I wonder when i can go tanning again...
I wonder why i still think of him...
I wonder why letting go is so hard...
I wonder why freedom eludes me...
I wonder is it coz i refuse to let freedom take me...
And i wonder why i refuse to let it take me away...
I wonder why it is so difficult...
Why??
Milk
Limei was right...
Milk does make u want to go...
But it was never the case for me before...
I think it's just HL milk...
OK, I need to go...
Milk does make u want to go...
But it was never the case for me before...
I think it's just HL milk...
OK, I need to go...
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Saturday Night
Limei bought the new Jay Chou CD and it is playing in our room now... All the songs tt i have heard so far are all sad and heavy on the mood... Makes me kinda down and lonely... Not in the bad way... The reflective kind of lonely...
It's a dull feeling inside tt makes me think of him at times like this... What is he doing, where is he...? Who is he with and what is he thinking about...? Not longing and missing him... But just a thought tt comes to mind...
It's just plain weird, tt i'm thinking of someone when it shouldn't be tt way anymore... Our story came to an end already and i have lots on hand, so why?? =P I wish i knew...
Things to do:
(1) Mass mail Cheer schedule
(2) Find tailor for Cheer uniform
(3) HP101
(4) Stop letting thoughts of him pop into my head
(5) Concentrate on HP101
(6) Stop blogging
(7) Stop thinking of him
(8) Can't stop blogging
(9) Concentrate 100% on HP101
(10) Stop wondering what is he up to now
I'm such a busy person, i can't breathe....
It's a dull feeling inside tt makes me think of him at times like this... What is he doing, where is he...? Who is he with and what is he thinking about...? Not longing and missing him... But just a thought tt comes to mind...
It's just plain weird, tt i'm thinking of someone when it shouldn't be tt way anymore... Our story came to an end already and i have lots on hand, so why?? =P I wish i knew...
Things to do:
(1) Mass mail Cheer schedule
(2) Find tailor for Cheer uniform
(3) HP101
(4) Stop letting thoughts of him pop into my head
(5) Concentrate on HP101
(6) Stop blogging
(7) Stop thinking of him
(8) Can't stop blogging
(9) Concentrate 100% on HP101
(10) Stop wondering what is he up to now
I'm such a busy person, i can't breathe....
Friday, November 04, 2005
Dear Blog
Dear Blog,
I really can't concentrate on my HP101 while at home... Nothing is going in!!! I feel stuck... I only came home coz mama tempted me with sashimi and others (i.e. Yakiniku, Sweet&Sour Pork, etc.)... But there is something about home tt has been making me very sleepy eversince i stepped in...
Too many distractions and don't quite like the fact tt I have to walk more than 8 steps to go to the toilet... Don't quite like the fact tt snacks are not around when i need them and tt i actually have to cook REAL FOOD if i was hungry... Where are the chips and cookies tt my trusty shelf holds for me when i am studying??? All tt TV and VCDs are making me restless... And you know what Blog? I was actually so restless tt I switched on my ancient desktop (ok, it's not really ancient, but no one has laid hands on it after we each got our laptops) and played SIMS 2!!!! Like what the hell...
And i was so bored tt i actually surronded my poor sim with bushes so tt he couldn't run around to fulfill his needs... And basically he couldn't eat, had to sleep standing up and had to wet his pants right there... And of course, he just died there... I am turning into a basket case at home... And daytime TV is the WORST!!! Thank god for Channel 16 (Travel & Adventure, I LOVE YOU!!!) and of course, MTV... Just mindless entertainment...
Then, there was tt SMS from Di... What did she mean by "Long story babe, can't tell u on the phone?" Like, the suspense is killing me, my dear friend... And like "Rest ur heart and go study" will inspire me...!!! Bleh!!! The killer was, " Anyhow, what is Alvin's real name...." You mean tt ALVIN is NOT his REAL name?!?!?!?! Then what is he??? Count Dracula the First??? And why do i have to accompany u to Devil's Bar again after my exams??? I thought we already swore off tt place... I totally smell a scandal here... And u are NOT TELLING ME?!?!?!
It's nice and comfy to be at home but definitely need to stay in hall to mug... And all tt good food is spoiling me... I'm not complaining, but i just feel this general feeling of bloatedness (no, i've checked, i'm still 48kg) and it makes me feel fat (but nope, dun SEE any tummy bulge or things like tt, YET!)...
And the cheer thing is driving me nuts...
And a source of entertainment has died coz he has decided not to blog anymore...
And i feel sleepy again...
And i hate the fact tt exams will creep up and them suddenly slam me in the face with time racing by, not giving me a chance to breathe in btw papers...
And dear Blog, I wish for all this nonsense to end, quickly!!!!
I really can't concentrate on my HP101 while at home... Nothing is going in!!! I feel stuck... I only came home coz mama tempted me with sashimi and others (i.e. Yakiniku, Sweet&Sour Pork, etc.)... But there is something about home tt has been making me very sleepy eversince i stepped in...
Too many distractions and don't quite like the fact tt I have to walk more than 8 steps to go to the toilet... Don't quite like the fact tt snacks are not around when i need them and tt i actually have to cook REAL FOOD if i was hungry... Where are the chips and cookies tt my trusty shelf holds for me when i am studying??? All tt TV and VCDs are making me restless... And you know what Blog? I was actually so restless tt I switched on my ancient desktop (ok, it's not really ancient, but no one has laid hands on it after we each got our laptops) and played SIMS 2!!!! Like what the hell...
And i was so bored tt i actually surronded my poor sim with bushes so tt he couldn't run around to fulfill his needs... And basically he couldn't eat, had to sleep standing up and had to wet his pants right there... And of course, he just died there... I am turning into a basket case at home... And daytime TV is the WORST!!! Thank god for Channel 16 (Travel & Adventure, I LOVE YOU!!!) and of course, MTV... Just mindless entertainment...
Then, there was tt SMS from Di... What did she mean by "Long story babe, can't tell u on the phone?" Like, the suspense is killing me, my dear friend... And like "Rest ur heart and go study" will inspire me...!!! Bleh!!! The killer was, " Anyhow, what is Alvin's real name...." You mean tt ALVIN is NOT his REAL name?!?!?!?! Then what is he??? Count Dracula the First??? And why do i have to accompany u to Devil's Bar again after my exams??? I thought we already swore off tt place... I totally smell a scandal here... And u are NOT TELLING ME?!?!?!
It's nice and comfy to be at home but definitely need to stay in hall to mug... And all tt good food is spoiling me... I'm not complaining, but i just feel this general feeling of bloatedness (no, i've checked, i'm still 48kg) and it makes me feel fat (but nope, dun SEE any tummy bulge or things like tt, YET!)...
And the cheer thing is driving me nuts...
And a source of entertainment has died coz he has decided not to blog anymore...
And i feel sleepy again...
And i hate the fact tt exams will creep up and them suddenly slam me in the face with time racing by, not giving me a chance to breathe in btw papers...
And dear Blog, I wish for all this nonsense to end, quickly!!!!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Holiday
Haven't had my first paper yet but already looking forward to the holidays... Really can't wait for it to come... For once, I can breathe again and do all the things tt I want to do... Recharge my batteries and face whatever may come next semester...
Time really flies and feel kinda overwhelmed tt time is just passing me by... I stand at where I am now and sort of look back... When i thought i had not been able to walk away from, they are all sort of behind me now... Some of them still near, but definitely behind... And again, some things are still with me, clutched tightly to my chest... But whatever i hold in my hands now is dead... No amount of cajoling and effort on my part will get it to revive and be mine...
I now hold the empty shell of it... Nothing more...
Someone told me tt i'll probably meet some guy tt is interested in me soon, again, but no. Even if, a VERY BIG IF, there is one, i really don't think i can... Not just anyone will do... I'm picky and seriously, i still have a sorta model in the mind and tt someone (whoever it may be) will not be able to be everything tt i want...
I want someone tt is like him... Or do i...? Or do i just want him? No...? Or am i still searching for more to add on to my list of expectations...? Am i...?
Time really flies and feel kinda overwhelmed tt time is just passing me by... I stand at where I am now and sort of look back... When i thought i had not been able to walk away from, they are all sort of behind me now... Some of them still near, but definitely behind... And again, some things are still with me, clutched tightly to my chest... But whatever i hold in my hands now is dead... No amount of cajoling and effort on my part will get it to revive and be mine...
I now hold the empty shell of it... Nothing more...
Someone told me tt i'll probably meet some guy tt is interested in me soon, again, but no. Even if, a VERY BIG IF, there is one, i really don't think i can... Not just anyone will do... I'm picky and seriously, i still have a sorta model in the mind and tt someone (whoever it may be) will not be able to be everything tt i want...
I want someone tt is like him... Or do i...? Or do i just want him? No...? Or am i still searching for more to add on to my list of expectations...? Am i...?
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
I need long hair
It is confirmed tt i'll be going back to Mandarin to work as an escort this december... Wear the cheongsam, look pretty and smile... Stand at the lobby and basically be the guests' escort... Hahaha! Easy money but pity my poor feet then... But i used to stand 8 hours at the counter too... Should be alright..
Was joking with my manager tt i'll have to get push-up bras and padded undies to look good in the cheongsam... Hahaha!! Was kinda touched when one of my ex-colleagues sent me a msg thru friendster tt they are all waiting for me to go back... Oh my god!! Will be resuming part of my hectic night lifestyle with them AGAIN!!! My liver had better not disappoint me... hahaha!!!
Well, only problem, i need my hair to grow out fast so tt i can bun up my hair nicely... Does tt Pantene shampoo really work??
Was joking with my manager tt i'll have to get push-up bras and padded undies to look good in the cheongsam... Hahaha!! Was kinda touched when one of my ex-colleagues sent me a msg thru friendster tt they are all waiting for me to go back... Oh my god!! Will be resuming part of my hectic night lifestyle with them AGAIN!!! My liver had better not disappoint me... hahaha!!!
Well, only problem, i need my hair to grow out fast so tt i can bun up my hair nicely... Does tt Pantene shampoo really work??
Revival
I just revived my chiong-shoes... With black ribbon, scissors, needle and thread, I have put off spending another 40bucks on a new pair of pointies tt i can wear to chiong... Was studying econs when it struck me tt i can rescue it... Haha!!! I think those shoes will live to see about 5 more rounds of dancing on the platforms and dancefloors... Haha!!! Muackz!!! =)
Monday, October 31, 2005
I know
Dear You,
this is a letter tt i know will never reach u... U will never know of all these tt i am thinking and feeling inside... But we both know what it is like now... We will never go back to what we were before... Things are different now and we will never have what we had before...
We are friendly to each other and we show tt we still care for each other, but it's just so different now... We force ourselves to laugh and play a fool just so we won't be so awkward but we know tt, deep inside, we are just not at the same level anymore... When we sit at the same table and eat, we never talk... When we sat down for coffee, all we could do was sip our lattes and look at the magazines tt Olio had... When we chat on msn, every other line is a "haha" and tt's it... Definitely not a conversation... When u ask about school and i reply, u just move on to what u have been doing and it doesn't interest me anymore... And u can't seem to wait to move on to familiar topics like COE prices and who is getting married to who, who had a baby, who is going to have a baby...
I know u are still as nice and caring as before, but we are different now, and it saddens me tt u know it too but u can't let go... To tell u the truth, i know what it is like to be unable to let go of something u believe u have worked very hard for... But sometimes, holding on can hurt even more... yourself and the other... Letting go of ur hopes and dreams is so hard... so fucking damn hard and it pains me to know tt u are hurting inside as well... U are hurting over the same damn reason as i was... Why?
Will time lead us out of this game of charades? Is it better tt we see less of each other, now tt my exams are here? U smile and i know what u are feeling inside... But i can do nothing to make u feel better... I dun want u to feel all tt hurt after all tt u did for me... I remember everything tt u did and it pains me tt i dun feel touched by those memories, just a dull sadness tt what we had was all gone...
Running around finding my fave B&J flavour just coz NTUC was low on their stock and i wanted it so badly, surprising me with tt dress & shoes combo then bringing me to Top M, those late nights when u stayed up by the phone coz u knew i was sick, National Day at Swissotel (although it was ur Bday), the evening strolls with Haagen Daaz ice cream, our Sentosa trip, teaching me tt chilli crabs are best eaten by manhandling it (no need for image, then), teaching me to drink, being a good drinker so tt u are never drunk and can make sure i'm alright ( i will never forget tt time when my 3 cousins took u on and they lost... I sort of felt from then on tt all guys should know how to drink well) and every single lil thing...
I really feel thankful for ur love but what's with the emptiness between us now... It can never be filled again, i'm sorry...
this is a letter tt i know will never reach u... U will never know of all these tt i am thinking and feeling inside... But we both know what it is like now... We will never go back to what we were before... Things are different now and we will never have what we had before...
We are friendly to each other and we show tt we still care for each other, but it's just so different now... We force ourselves to laugh and play a fool just so we won't be so awkward but we know tt, deep inside, we are just not at the same level anymore... When we sit at the same table and eat, we never talk... When we sat down for coffee, all we could do was sip our lattes and look at the magazines tt Olio had... When we chat on msn, every other line is a "haha" and tt's it... Definitely not a conversation... When u ask about school and i reply, u just move on to what u have been doing and it doesn't interest me anymore... And u can't seem to wait to move on to familiar topics like COE prices and who is getting married to who, who had a baby, who is going to have a baby...
I know u are still as nice and caring as before, but we are different now, and it saddens me tt u know it too but u can't let go... To tell u the truth, i know what it is like to be unable to let go of something u believe u have worked very hard for... But sometimes, holding on can hurt even more... yourself and the other... Letting go of ur hopes and dreams is so hard... so fucking damn hard and it pains me to know tt u are hurting inside as well... U are hurting over the same damn reason as i was... Why?
Will time lead us out of this game of charades? Is it better tt we see less of each other, now tt my exams are here? U smile and i know what u are feeling inside... But i can do nothing to make u feel better... I dun want u to feel all tt hurt after all tt u did for me... I remember everything tt u did and it pains me tt i dun feel touched by those memories, just a dull sadness tt what we had was all gone...
Running around finding my fave B&J flavour just coz NTUC was low on their stock and i wanted it so badly, surprising me with tt dress & shoes combo then bringing me to Top M, those late nights when u stayed up by the phone coz u knew i was sick, National Day at Swissotel (although it was ur Bday), the evening strolls with Haagen Daaz ice cream, our Sentosa trip, teaching me tt chilli crabs are best eaten by manhandling it (no need for image, then), teaching me to drink, being a good drinker so tt u are never drunk and can make sure i'm alright ( i will never forget tt time when my 3 cousins took u on and they lost... I sort of felt from then on tt all guys should know how to drink well) and every single lil thing...
I really feel thankful for ur love but what's with the emptiness between us now... It can never be filled again, i'm sorry...
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Looking at him
I only have a vague (and I do mean very vague) idea of what is going on... And i don't know what is on his mind... And i don't know how to make him feel better...
But somehow, I don't think it's my business anymore... Guess it never was... Even friends will want to somehow console him or make him feel better as a whole, but somehow, feel detached from what used to mean the world to me...
Like, an out-of-body feeling... Looking on at myself as i stand numb and unmoved by everything tt is happening, just observing... While the "me" tt's looking on wants to know what i can do for him...
But i don't feel like i'm being torn apart by my own contradictions and thoughts anymore...
Asked him before but he said it was hard to... Now tt she has moved on, is he going to cry for missing tt chance? What is he going to do? Sink further into tt pit tt he has dug for himself? It may sound hard, coming from someone like me tt couldn't let her own feelings down at one point too, but, I think he has to wake up...
She has a right to live her life, learn lessons, fall in love (again) and be happy... It doesn't have to be u, just someone she really loves...
After putting him through so much difficult times and trying moments, i finally learnt tt love was never about self, it's about the person u love...
It never was my business, so i guess it's just, good luck to u.
But somehow, I don't think it's my business anymore... Guess it never was... Even friends will want to somehow console him or make him feel better as a whole, but somehow, feel detached from what used to mean the world to me...
Like, an out-of-body feeling... Looking on at myself as i stand numb and unmoved by everything tt is happening, just observing... While the "me" tt's looking on wants to know what i can do for him...
But i don't feel like i'm being torn apart by my own contradictions and thoughts anymore...
Asked him before but he said it was hard to... Now tt she has moved on, is he going to cry for missing tt chance? What is he going to do? Sink further into tt pit tt he has dug for himself? It may sound hard, coming from someone like me tt couldn't let her own feelings down at one point too, but, I think he has to wake up...
She has a right to live her life, learn lessons, fall in love (again) and be happy... It doesn't have to be u, just someone she really loves...
After putting him through so much difficult times and trying moments, i finally learnt tt love was never about self, it's about the person u love...
It never was my business, so i guess it's just, good luck to u.
FuckingBloodyDammit!!!
Brain on strike... Nothing's on my mind... I miss my roomie and my substandard Cafe 284... I think I am hall-sick...
P.S: I wish I was there to pond Harold and Leonard... Missed the most pectacular ponding bonanza of Year 2005... Dammit!
P.S: I wish I was there to pond Harold and Leonard... Missed the most pectacular ponding bonanza of Year 2005... Dammit!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Curry Rice
Me was chef of the day... Today's special guests were Eric and Jem!!! Haha!!! Cooked the curry in 2 pots (thanks to Justin who lent us his big red pot, but it still wasn't big enough) and bought the white rice from Canteen 2... The 8 of us managed to finish all... Felt a great sense of satisfaction seeing the Tweeties eat so much today... We had desserts courtesy of Yuwen... Honeydew sago...
We have had Hongliang, Emmanuel, KayJiunn, Kaleong, Qimou, Jiaqing, Zhiyang, Brian, Terrence, Eric and Jem over here to eat and hang out already... Who will be our next guests when we rara???
Same rule... Those who didn't cook, wash up!!! Thanks girls!!! And thanks to Kherray who was my assistant today... Peeling carrots and potatoes... Getting the plates and the rice... U go girl!!
Haha!!! Kinda like those variety shows... Always got special guest appearance by some ppl... Ooh... Wish I could watch some good TV then go have a hot soak in the tub... Like in Japan... Haiz... Damn FULL~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!! =)
We have had Hongliang, Emmanuel, KayJiunn, Kaleong, Qimou, Jiaqing, Zhiyang, Brian, Terrence, Eric and Jem over here to eat and hang out already... Who will be our next guests when we rara???
Same rule... Those who didn't cook, wash up!!! Thanks girls!!! And thanks to Kherray who was my assistant today... Peeling carrots and potatoes... Getting the plates and the rice... U go girl!!
Haha!!! Kinda like those variety shows... Always got special guest appearance by some ppl... Ooh... Wish I could watch some good TV then go have a hot soak in the tub... Like in Japan... Haiz... Damn FULL~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!! =)
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Boxer Shorts
Just bought a new pair of slippers on Sunday then i went to buy a pair of boxer shorts just now... White with Blue hearts on it... So cute!!! Hahaha!! Will start walking around in boxer shorts like Mr. I-don't-know-where-my-waist-is-Harold... Bright green and pink slippers too... Makes me want to hit the beach big time... Let the waters roll over me... Woohoo... I wonder if tt promise for after exams still stand now tt it is all over... Tml is Japanese curry-rice at 284!!! Woohoo!!! =)
Plateau
I've hit a rut... My mind is a blank and no matter how hard i try to calm down and concentrate on settling down, i can't... There's something wrong inside, I can feel it... Do u feel it too?? Tt feeling where by u are so restless u can't sit, lie, walk, stand, nothing!! Desperate for help... I want to stand in the autumn wind at the foot of Tokyo Tower again. Then slowly watch the night lights as ppl walk past me quietly... I want to be there again, when my mind was clear and i felt settled... Where i could see tt everything is so small actually, insignificant... Stand on top of tt glass floor and look down at the tiny buildings beneath my feet, to wonder what it would feel like to fall from there... Then slowly walk away from there, feeling the quiet feeling of being alone and calmed... I want to be there... Where I am compelled to be gentle and quiet... Where I can just quietly observe as time pass me by... God, I miss the autumn in Tokyo... I want to be there, where i can feel alone in such a busy city...
Toiling
Exams are coming and i can feel the heat of pressure... Praying hard and working towards a pretty lil report slip... Do they post a copy of the results to our home address?? They have results notification via SMS like in TP... Sooooo looking forward to tt beep when I will get to know my results with just a press of the button...
Kamiyagi-san(Raye came up with tt name) seemed to have pushed everything behind already... Not moping about it really... But just a lil surreal tt everything can change in a weekend... 48, or is 72hrs of drama and we behave like nothing has ever happened before... But i know what it will be like... A few days later, the tell-tale scars of past conversation will come back to pepper our everyday chit-chat... Not moping about it at all... Just talking to myself really...
I'm sorry Ray if I seemed really dismissive tt day when u tried to console me... But i just didn't want tt outlet to pour everything out... If i start i will not stop... Just continue convincing myself of the non-chalance and i will be alright... My bestie thinks I am the da-bu-si kind and i want to be just tt... Maybe a still a bit bitter and sour about things but Kamiyagi-san is still Kamiyagi-san... Hehe!!!
Now got my books to busy me, then exams, then chiong!!! (BIG time!!!) and then it's Cheer and work... Will have to plan Night Cyclong during the holiday so tt we can arr to have it within the first month when school start... Have a headache now tt Vincent is gone... Funny tt i should miss him now... (Hahaha!!!) In the professional sense, mind u!!!
Sunday evening, SL helped me bring my stuff back to hall... Had jit dua bu things to lug back... Food, pots, cutleries and more clothes... Bleh!!! Limei and James caught us in the room and i sort of didn't know how to introduce them to each other... But the 2 of them also very cute... Sit on the bed side by side then SL sitting on my bed, a bit like Jian Jia Zhang... Haha!!!
SL didn't say "i told u so" or tt i shouldn't have gone away in the first place... Wouldn't have appreciated it anyway... But he just listened and didn't say much... I guess he of all ppl understood tt i needed to be strong for myself and tt i couldn't be babied now... He knew tt I was still licking my own wounds and tt I didn't like to lose so...
I am learning to appreciate being alone all over again... I want to quietly observe life and all tt it brings... Thank u for all tt u gave and everything tt u took away...
P.S: Psycho HP101 lecture today say: "Women cannot tolerate emotional infidelity but Men cannot tolerate sexual infidelity the most..."
Kamiyagi-san(Raye came up with tt name) seemed to have pushed everything behind already... Not moping about it really... But just a lil surreal tt everything can change in a weekend... 48, or is 72hrs of drama and we behave like nothing has ever happened before... But i know what it will be like... A few days later, the tell-tale scars of past conversation will come back to pepper our everyday chit-chat... Not moping about it at all... Just talking to myself really...
I'm sorry Ray if I seemed really dismissive tt day when u tried to console me... But i just didn't want tt outlet to pour everything out... If i start i will not stop... Just continue convincing myself of the non-chalance and i will be alright... My bestie thinks I am the da-bu-si kind and i want to be just tt... Maybe a still a bit bitter and sour about things but Kamiyagi-san is still Kamiyagi-san... Hehe!!!
Now got my books to busy me, then exams, then chiong!!! (BIG time!!!) and then it's Cheer and work... Will have to plan Night Cyclong during the holiday so tt we can arr to have it within the first month when school start... Have a headache now tt Vincent is gone... Funny tt i should miss him now... (Hahaha!!!) In the professional sense, mind u!!!
Sunday evening, SL helped me bring my stuff back to hall... Had jit dua bu things to lug back... Food, pots, cutleries and more clothes... Bleh!!! Limei and James caught us in the room and i sort of didn't know how to introduce them to each other... But the 2 of them also very cute... Sit on the bed side by side then SL sitting on my bed, a bit like Jian Jia Zhang... Haha!!!
SL didn't say "i told u so" or tt i shouldn't have gone away in the first place... Wouldn't have appreciated it anyway... But he just listened and didn't say much... I guess he of all ppl understood tt i needed to be strong for myself and tt i couldn't be babied now... He knew tt I was still licking my own wounds and tt I didn't like to lose so...
I am learning to appreciate being alone all over again... I want to quietly observe life and all tt it brings... Thank u for all tt u gave and everything tt u took away...
P.S: Psycho HP101 lecture today say: "Women cannot tolerate emotional infidelity but Men cannot tolerate sexual infidelity the most..."
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Because of You
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Numb
Now isn't the time to let myself fall apart... Not tt I want to... I somehow wish I could just cry and gently let it pass... But if I do, it'll just make me weak and down... I'm glad tt now, i have grown numb with anger... It's a sad kind of anger, the kind tt u feel but have no idea what or to whom it is against... Just pure, dull, aching anger...
I dun want to talk about it, or why I am feeling this strange emotion... If what happened before was denial then I have slipped into another type of denial... Repression seems to be my choice of defense mechanism when it comes to psychological and emotional impacts... I know it is one of the more harmful mechanisms to deal with things but it is the easiest form of escape for me... Not thinking, not discussing, not facing it properly... If i were to lament tt there wasn't closure, it might partly be my fault for not being brave enough to face it...
I'm not saying it was my fault tt things headed to an end like tt... But maybe it was... I dun noe... I wish i knew... i wish i could understand... Seeing things fall apart in my own hands was never typical of me and some might say, grow up, live with it... But i cannot and will not let myself see this kind of pattern as an unavoidable phase of life... I wasn't born to be miserable...
I can't make myself feel happy, even if I knew so many friends care for me and are watching out for me... So, I can only try to not be miserable... Numb myself...
For now, just let me numb myself.
And thank u (u know who u are) for saying tt i had already tried my best and tt i should be comforted for having hung on... Yah, i did everything tt i could do, gave everything tt i could give but i still couldn't do it... My best was never enough... It was all a waste.
But thank u for laughing with me amidst the insane tears and thank u for not sympathising... Thank u for just hugging me and i like what u said.
"Things tt have happened cannot be erased, but ppl are different... We can change to be a better and stronger person... Don't let yesterday spoil today and don't let tml frighten u..."
Thank u, I feel better now.
I dun want to talk about it, or why I am feeling this strange emotion... If what happened before was denial then I have slipped into another type of denial... Repression seems to be my choice of defense mechanism when it comes to psychological and emotional impacts... I know it is one of the more harmful mechanisms to deal with things but it is the easiest form of escape for me... Not thinking, not discussing, not facing it properly... If i were to lament tt there wasn't closure, it might partly be my fault for not being brave enough to face it...
I'm not saying it was my fault tt things headed to an end like tt... But maybe it was... I dun noe... I wish i knew... i wish i could understand... Seeing things fall apart in my own hands was never typical of me and some might say, grow up, live with it... But i cannot and will not let myself see this kind of pattern as an unavoidable phase of life... I wasn't born to be miserable...
I can't make myself feel happy, even if I knew so many friends care for me and are watching out for me... So, I can only try to not be miserable... Numb myself...
For now, just let me numb myself.
And thank u (u know who u are) for saying tt i had already tried my best and tt i should be comforted for having hung on... Yah, i did everything tt i could do, gave everything tt i could give but i still couldn't do it... My best was never enough... It was all a waste.
But thank u for laughing with me amidst the insane tears and thank u for not sympathising... Thank u for just hugging me and i like what u said.
"Things tt have happened cannot be erased, but ppl are different... We can change to be a better and stronger person... Don't let yesterday spoil today and don't let tml frighten u..."
Thank u, I feel better now.
nothing
Lost all faith... No direction...
What right do they have to rule over a person's life... What right do they have to decide and butt in on what decisions a person should make... And why does a person allow them to do such things...
Some of them don't even have a firm grasp on their own lives, why do they meddle with other's? They don't fucking know what kind of screw up lives they are leading, don't know tt others are talking behind their backs too and there they go trying to "lead" others down the "right" path... They think they lead saintly lives??
One day, maybe i'll look back and laugh, the bitterness gone and glee tt I wasn't part of them... They do not see what I have done, have given, can do, can give, will do, will give and they think they have the right to speak out and intervene... No, they have already intervened... Well, u have won... Happy now??
And u who have let them done this.
Aren't u happy tt u can hide behind them and say tt these were their opinions and tt others supported the movement... Democratic country we live in... It is never u. U are NEVER the wrong one... U hide behind the notion tt everything was not within ur control..
To begin with, u let them take control of u... And why? U of all of them should know everything tt goes on. And yet, u have let them make decisions for u blindly... Can u say tt they know everything?? Can u say tt they understand everything tt went on??
If they really love u, they would have understood and supported u, if only u made tt decision for urself and on ur own... And yet, u have let urself be bent to their wishes...
I see nothing.
What right do they have to rule over a person's life... What right do they have to decide and butt in on what decisions a person should make... And why does a person allow them to do such things...
Some of them don't even have a firm grasp on their own lives, why do they meddle with other's? They don't fucking know what kind of screw up lives they are leading, don't know tt others are talking behind their backs too and there they go trying to "lead" others down the "right" path... They think they lead saintly lives??
One day, maybe i'll look back and laugh, the bitterness gone and glee tt I wasn't part of them... They do not see what I have done, have given, can do, can give, will do, will give and they think they have the right to speak out and intervene... No, they have already intervened... Well, u have won... Happy now??
And u who have let them done this.
Aren't u happy tt u can hide behind them and say tt these were their opinions and tt others supported the movement... Democratic country we live in... It is never u. U are NEVER the wrong one... U hide behind the notion tt everything was not within ur control..
To begin with, u let them take control of u... And why? U of all of them should know everything tt goes on. And yet, u have let them make decisions for u blindly... Can u say tt they know everything?? Can u say tt they understand everything tt went on??
If they really love u, they would have understood and supported u, if only u made tt decision for urself and on ur own... And yet, u have let urself be bent to their wishes...
I see nothing.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Overeating
I'm back to my Steak-y philosophy again... Was woken from my nap by one of my girlfriends and well, basically we talked... It was thought fodder...
She's having her steak now but maybe, she has chosen a steak tt's not really sitting well in her tummy... I just realised tt even if u managed to get ur steak and eat it, it might not be the most satisfactory meal too...
Haven't we all gone to restaurants and asked for a steak?? And what happens when u make ur order is tt the waiter or waitress will politely ask u, "How well done do u want it to be ma'am?" (yes, I'm a ma'am when i visit restaurants!!!) Then u get to choose the sauce too (black pepper, mushroom, brown, lemon butter...)!!! Not to mention, do u want a T-Bone, Sirloin, Tenderloin or Rib-Eye??
Sometimes we think tt, since we have " ordered" this steak and we are "paying" for this steak, we shouldn't waste it... Even when u feel tt u have had enough and are "full", we continue "eating" and somehow end up with a bad case of indigestion... Who do we blame for the pain then? We knew we couldn't take anymore but still we pushed ourselves... Haiz...
She's having her steak now but maybe, she has chosen a steak tt's not really sitting well in her tummy... I just realised tt even if u managed to get ur steak and eat it, it might not be the most satisfactory meal too...
Haven't we all gone to restaurants and asked for a steak?? And what happens when u make ur order is tt the waiter or waitress will politely ask u, "How well done do u want it to be ma'am?" (yes, I'm a ma'am when i visit restaurants!!!) Then u get to choose the sauce too (black pepper, mushroom, brown, lemon butter...)!!! Not to mention, do u want a T-Bone, Sirloin, Tenderloin or Rib-Eye??
Sometimes we think tt, since we have " ordered" this steak and we are "paying" for this steak, we shouldn't waste it... Even when u feel tt u have had enough and are "full", we continue "eating" and somehow end up with a bad case of indigestion... Who do we blame for the pain then? We knew we couldn't take anymore but still we pushed ourselves... Haiz...
Learn how to treat ur "tummies" better... Learn when we should stop, even if u feel the pinch at the "waste"... Sometimes it's not ur fault tt the steak is not going down well... It might be tt u did choose the wrong kind of steak, or the chef was in a bad mood tt day, or the restaurant just has a bad reputation... It's the same with love, i guess... Not everything is within ur control... When things fall apart, it isn't always something u can change... U don't barge into the kitchen and tell the chef how to cook ur steak, do u?
Don't worry tt u will be wasting tt steak... As long as u are not afraid of "paying" and "ordering" another steak, u will get to taste it again... As long as u are willing to love again and give urself opportunities, u will find a better man who will treasure u better...
I know what it feels like to give up something with great regret... We think of all the things tt might have been and all the things tt had been... We know tt someday, we will recover from the pain and loss, we will have to be the one to walk out of tt shadow... But so many of us also know tt the first step is the hardest...
For me, I know what I want but apparently, it's not on the restaurant's menu... I'm still waiting for the chef to put it on and I seriously dun care what the price is, but meanwhile, i can only wait... Bleh!! @@
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Sleep deprivation
Somehow, I'm patting myself on the back for being able to wake up for project meeting... Tt's like the most responsible and grown-up thing I have done in a long long time... And we have finished tt damn thing (Hallelujah!!) and I don't have to go to school tml... (yay! yay! yay!)
Time is running out and I need to study but I feel very restless... But then again, I can just feel the vibes crawling up slowly... It's tt "lok-kok" transformation...
Well, I guess it won't be so obvious in hall, compared to last time when I was in poly... Used to dress nicely with make-up and all to school but lo behold exam period when all of us turn up dressed in the most basics of all basics (read: lok-kok; as if at home) and sans make-up with glasses, hair tied back in a ponytail PLUS a hairband to push the fringe out of the way... Haha!! Pretty much Ah-tiong style...
Can feel the WANT to study creeping up (keyword: creeping...) and I know I'll just be able to pull the magnificent feat of becoming a nerd, nicely...
Time is running out and I need to study but I feel very restless... But then again, I can just feel the vibes crawling up slowly... It's tt "lok-kok" transformation...
Well, I guess it won't be so obvious in hall, compared to last time when I was in poly... Used to dress nicely with make-up and all to school but lo behold exam period when all of us turn up dressed in the most basics of all basics (read: lok-kok; as if at home) and sans make-up with glasses, hair tied back in a ponytail PLUS a hairband to push the fringe out of the way... Haha!! Pretty much Ah-tiong style...
Can feel the WANT to study creeping up (keyword: creeping...) and I know I'll just be able to pull the magnificent feat of becoming a nerd, nicely...
Just when I have recovered from my food poisoning, he comes down with viral gastric flu... Best part is, he puked through the night too... Haha!! I seriously think tt is an experience tt everyone should go through at least once in their lifetime, haha!!! But pity him lah, i know it feels terrible... Hope he gets well NOW!!!
Now my one major source of entertainment is down and out-of-service... Mugging season is here to stay... I will not be needing Mik-kor-kor's services so soon... hehe!!
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Thank You
I hear tt a lot of u have been impressed with my Chocolate Bar Vs Steak philosphy... Eh-hem!! Well, thank u for appreciating my piece of work...
Well, here's a rather REFRESHING topic for all of u to ponder... I first came across this in a magazine and it was posted as a question to the male population but let's see if we girls can come up with more creative answers...
* Raye might want to cover ur ears, i mean ur eyes, first*
What will u do if u walked in on ur boyfriend masturbating himself?
Girls, stop laughing... It CAN happen to u!! =P
Most guys who were interviewed said tt they will ask, " do u need help?"
Com'on, I'm sure we can do better than tt... Questions and Answers are most welcomed on my tagboard and ppl like Diane and Crystal, don't be lazy and share ur answers with the girls... Tt's the least u can do man!!!
*I sound like i'm running a women's forum here...* And girls who are blushing and running to hide under the blanket, u can type ur qn under the name Anonymous (but please, I will know who u are) and gain a lil more knowledge...
I gave serious thought to tt qn and came to the conclusion tt I would simply be speechless and not be able to say anything... But I know I would be sinking to my knees in front of him and... * Oops*
Haha!! Enjoy life, girls!! =)
Well, here's a rather REFRESHING topic for all of u to ponder... I first came across this in a magazine and it was posted as a question to the male population but let's see if we girls can come up with more creative answers...
* Raye might want to cover ur ears, i mean ur eyes, first*
What will u do if u walked in on ur boyfriend masturbating himself?
Girls, stop laughing... It CAN happen to u!! =P
Most guys who were interviewed said tt they will ask, " do u need help?"
Com'on, I'm sure we can do better than tt... Questions and Answers are most welcomed on my tagboard and ppl like Diane and Crystal, don't be lazy and share ur answers with the girls... Tt's the least u can do man!!!
*I sound like i'm running a women's forum here...* And girls who are blushing and running to hide under the blanket, u can type ur qn under the name Anonymous (but please, I will know who u are) and gain a lil more knowledge...
I gave serious thought to tt qn and came to the conclusion tt I would simply be speechless and not be able to say anything... But I know I would be sinking to my knees in front of him and... * Oops*
Haha!! Enjoy life, girls!! =)
Ghost of You and Me
What am I supposed to do
With all these blues
Haunting me, everywhere, no matter what I do
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I cant let go
When will this night be over
I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by
Phantom ships, lost at sea
And one of them is mine
Raising my glass, I sing a toast to the midnight sky
I wonder why
The stars don't seem to guide me
I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
The ghost of you and me
When will it set me free
I hear the voices call
Following footsteps down the hall
Trying to save what's left of my heart and soul
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I can't let go
When will this night be over
I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
With all these blues
Haunting me, everywhere, no matter what I do
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I cant let go
When will this night be over
I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by
Phantom ships, lost at sea
And one of them is mine
Raising my glass, I sing a toast to the midnight sky
I wonder why
The stars don't seem to guide me
I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
The ghost of you and me
When will it set me free
I hear the voices call
Following footsteps down the hall
Trying to save what's left of my heart and soul
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I can't let go
When will this night be over
I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
Food Poisoning
Had food poisoning and was puking the whole of yesterday... Have never felt more terrible in my whole life... My stomach was in knots and I couldn't breathe... There was nothing in my stomach arleady but is still kept churning out water and then gastric juices... I thought it was easier if I just died from dehydration...
Got SL to bring me to see doctor... Had a jab and my arm was like, numb after tt... It felt so terrible tt I wasn't able to keep food down... The girsl bought me food of all manner in abid to pump some nutrients into me but I'm really sorry... Could only afford 3-4 mouths before I felt my stomach protesting again...
Developed a fever by afternoon and tt's when I thought Limei should go spend the night elsewhere... Didn't want to pass the fever to her... Was glad to have her around anyway... I know she woke up at night when i woke up to use the toilet or things like tt... And I have been drifting in and out of sleep for the whole day yesterday tt I'm starting to develop a headache from too much sleep... I wonder if Sleeping Beauty had such a problem since she was asleep for 100 years before the prince rescued her...
The 3 medicine tt the doc gave me was another problem... 2 times a day, 3 times a day, 4 times a day... I think I was not really drinking them at the right times yesterday... Lost track of how many hours in between it should be after all the naps... I need a chart man!!
Got SL to bring me to see doctor... Had a jab and my arm was like, numb after tt... It felt so terrible tt I wasn't able to keep food down... The girsl bought me food of all manner in abid to pump some nutrients into me but I'm really sorry... Could only afford 3-4 mouths before I felt my stomach protesting again...
Developed a fever by afternoon and tt's when I thought Limei should go spend the night elsewhere... Didn't want to pass the fever to her... Was glad to have her around anyway... I know she woke up at night when i woke up to use the toilet or things like tt... And I have been drifting in and out of sleep for the whole day yesterday tt I'm starting to develop a headache from too much sleep... I wonder if Sleeping Beauty had such a problem since she was asleep for 100 years before the prince rescued her...
The 3 medicine tt the doc gave me was another problem... 2 times a day, 3 times a day, 4 times a day... I think I was not really drinking them at the right times yesterday... Lost track of how many hours in between it should be after all the naps... I need a chart man!!
Don't really feel tt great either today... Bleh!! The dustbin is my best friend now... Was hugging it in the middle of the night yesterday as i retched (nothing came up but my stomach was doing some hip-hop dance in there)... I hate being sick!! =P
Monday, October 17, 2005
9 people in a car
Thai Hoe driving...
WeiQuan in the front passenger seat...
Gerald, Weimin, Harold and then Vincent...
Zihui, Yuwen and I on their laps...
All food in the boot...
Clubby music on the radio...
Laughter and giggles and everyone was crammed together, still stinking from the cheerleading session... And we had just had our suppers so we were like, heavier...
Dropped Vincent off, now there's 8 of us left... Reached school, laughed as we watch the car suspension lift back up again as we slowly climbed out of the car... Went back to room, showered, got scared out of my wits by Limei and James (they switched off the lights, camouflaged themselves near the wardrobes and when I went to switch on the lights after my shower, I got shocked!!)...
James and Limei sharing cup noodles... Limei printing notes... James hanging laundry in the room... He sheepishly asked for my permission to hang clothes there (i will say NO meh??) and now he's asking "tell me how to see if it's cooked..." (he's talking about the cup noodles...) and I find my arm is like dull and lifeless... No strength in them...
Unhigh, Anti-rara and unfriendly mode was off during cheerleading but I'm in tt mode again... Tml only 1 lecture... Shall wear shorts to school again... Bleh!!
WeiQuan in the front passenger seat...
Gerald, Weimin, Harold and then Vincent...
Zihui, Yuwen and I on their laps...
All food in the boot...
Clubby music on the radio...
Laughter and giggles and everyone was crammed together, still stinking from the cheerleading session... And we had just had our suppers so we were like, heavier...
Dropped Vincent off, now there's 8 of us left... Reached school, laughed as we watch the car suspension lift back up again as we slowly climbed out of the car... Went back to room, showered, got scared out of my wits by Limei and James (they switched off the lights, camouflaged themselves near the wardrobes and when I went to switch on the lights after my shower, I got shocked!!)...
James and Limei sharing cup noodles... Limei printing notes... James hanging laundry in the room... He sheepishly asked for my permission to hang clothes there (i will say NO meh??) and now he's asking "tell me how to see if it's cooked..." (he's talking about the cup noodles...) and I find my arm is like dull and lifeless... No strength in them...
Unhigh, Anti-rara and unfriendly mode was off during cheerleading but I'm in tt mode again... Tml only 1 lecture... Shall wear shorts to school again... Bleh!!
Sunday, October 16, 2005
K-Box
Weekends are supposed to be for me to catch up on sleep or on my studies... I totally wasted my weekend this time... I was unable to tear myself away from the TV and watched it till Cable TV started showing reruns... Then saturday was spent very much just hanging out with my mum and then it was mahjong... Hahaha!! My youngest sister conned me of $5.80... U are zhai!!!
Was called away to K-Box by my dearest cousins... I was very high then... Partly due to the fact tt my body was tired and running on adrenaline by then... I was also very high coz I guess I was sort of pushing my bad mood down inside me... Don't want to say what it was, but was just hit by this moody and dark sensation...
Usually karaoke sessions with my cousins are like a total rara time... Mix of slow and fast songs but the mood is always elevated by me and my cousins... Jumping on sofas, singing at the top of our voices, banging our heads as we pretend to be rock musicians to the sounds of FIR... But I just couldn't pull tt act together this time... In fact, I only sang slow songs last night...
1. Ta Bu Ai Wo -Karen Mok-
2. Ru Guo De Shi -Fan Wei QI & Zhang Shao Han-
3. Yong Qi -Liang Jing Ru-
4. Fen Shou Kuai Le -Liang Jing Ru-
5. Mei Li De Wu Hui -Sammi Cheng-
6. Zhi De -Sammi Cheng-
7. Zhu Wo Shen Ri Kuai Le -Wen Lan-
8. Jie Tuo -Zhang Hui Mei-
9. Before I Fall In Love -Coco Lee-
10. Yi Shi De Mei Hao -Zhang Shao Han-
11. Lian Xi -Andy Lau-
12. Qing Nan Liao
13. Wu Ding (sang it with my kor-kor)
14. Guang Dao Zhi Lian (also with my kor-kor)
6 of us went and yes, I was hogging the mike more often then not... But somehow I felt the songs told of what I might be feeling inside... Very crappy night... Drank lots of beer also... Bleh!! We sang till 330 then we went for supper and then headed home... Somehow, i found myself very awake and unable to sleep at the unearthly hour of 530... When my eyes finally rested, my mind was still churning and I dreamt... Wasn't rested at all... Woke up feeling very irritable and snappy...
Sometimes I think, should i just take up tt Chocolate Bar's offer and stop thinking so much... But then again, the Steak is within sight (although damn out of reach) and i really don't want tt Chocolate Bar coz i ultimately only want tt piece of Steak... Goddammit!! And tt Chocolate Bar has so much more to offer... Oh man!! What the fuck am i hesitating for....??
If only it was before Friday, I will definitely have a decision in mind already... Damn!!
P.S: Congratulations to Ms Aki Nagashima for being able to think about all this nonsensical stuff and still study... Aren't u a genius?? =)
Was called away to K-Box by my dearest cousins... I was very high then... Partly due to the fact tt my body was tired and running on adrenaline by then... I was also very high coz I guess I was sort of pushing my bad mood down inside me... Don't want to say what it was, but was just hit by this moody and dark sensation...
Usually karaoke sessions with my cousins are like a total rara time... Mix of slow and fast songs but the mood is always elevated by me and my cousins... Jumping on sofas, singing at the top of our voices, banging our heads as we pretend to be rock musicians to the sounds of FIR... But I just couldn't pull tt act together this time... In fact, I only sang slow songs last night...
1. Ta Bu Ai Wo -Karen Mok-
2. Ru Guo De Shi -Fan Wei QI & Zhang Shao Han-
3. Yong Qi -Liang Jing Ru-
4. Fen Shou Kuai Le -Liang Jing Ru-
5. Mei Li De Wu Hui -Sammi Cheng-
6. Zhi De -Sammi Cheng-
7. Zhu Wo Shen Ri Kuai Le -Wen Lan-
8. Jie Tuo -Zhang Hui Mei-
9. Before I Fall In Love -Coco Lee-
10. Yi Shi De Mei Hao -Zhang Shao Han-
11. Lian Xi -Andy Lau-
12. Qing Nan Liao
13. Wu Ding (sang it with my kor-kor)
14. Guang Dao Zhi Lian (also with my kor-kor)
6 of us went and yes, I was hogging the mike more often then not... But somehow I felt the songs told of what I might be feeling inside... Very crappy night... Drank lots of beer also... Bleh!! We sang till 330 then we went for supper and then headed home... Somehow, i found myself very awake and unable to sleep at the unearthly hour of 530... When my eyes finally rested, my mind was still churning and I dreamt... Wasn't rested at all... Woke up feeling very irritable and snappy...
Sometimes I think, should i just take up tt Chocolate Bar's offer and stop thinking so much... But then again, the Steak is within sight (although damn out of reach) and i really don't want tt Chocolate Bar coz i ultimately only want tt piece of Steak... Goddammit!! And tt Chocolate Bar has so much more to offer... Oh man!! What the fuck am i hesitating for....??
If only it was before Friday, I will definitely have a decision in mind already... Damn!!
P.S: Congratulations to Ms Aki Nagashima for being able to think about all this nonsensical stuff and still study... Aren't u a genius?? =)
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