the notebook

I have just watched The Notebook... I have not cried watching a film for a long long time... And i wasn't tearing... It was the full on, "i can't breathe" kind of crying... I was touched, beyond words...

For those of u who haven't watched the film and want to, stop here. Ask me for it, i'll send it to u... Watch and see for urself what true love is...

Watching Noah read to Ellie who has dementia was just a profound experience... I thought of my grandparents actually. They have passed away in recent times.

My grandfather was senile and lived at a hospice in the last 4-5years of his life... He basically couldn't remember anyone of us everytime we visited him, just like Ellie... Noah read to Ellie everyday, the story of them, tt Ellie herself had written in her younger years... He read to her, in the hope tt she would remember when everyone around was saying tt dementia was an irreversible illness and tt her memory will never come back.

Ellie couldn't remember the man tt she love so much. And my grandfather too... I know for one thing tt my grandparents were very much in love with each other... But he couldn't remember his wife anymore and she herself, contracted stomach cancer tt weakened her immune system. She couldn't go to the hospice to visit him as it wasn't good for her and travelling caused her pain... Watching the old Noah and Ellie just reminded me of them... And i grew sad, knowing tt i had never really had enough time with them. They were in Tokyo, I was in Singapore... When i finally went back to visit my grandparents after 6 years, my grandfather didn't know who i was and i remembered the tears my grandmother shed when she saw tt we had grown so tall.

Then, seeing young Noah and Ellie made me think of him... He wasn't my first love, but he was one man tt really loved me... Maybe we weren't as crazy as tt pair and we weren't as lucky to have so much time with each other, but we definitely had seen great days... We rarely fought, but tt was only coz he always gave in to my requests... When we did, it was big time with pushing, yelling, tears, screaming... But i know tt back then, he would have done the same thing as Noah, for me... We really loved each other and we were crazy about each other then... It just made me sadder tt it was gone too...

He was the one man tt made me believe tt i could depend on him for the rest of my life... I was sure tt he would love me, take care of me and we would be happy... But i guess i started asking and looking for too much... I wanted something more than a life with him... I thought his requests for me was too much but i was more selfish when i started seeking the freedom of youth tt was taken away in exchange for him... He gave so much to compensate but i was never satisfied...

Am i sorry now tt we have changed? I don't think so and i don't regret what we did... But who isn't sadden by a loss...? Loss of someone who cared deeply for me... And the pain tt i still cause him now... Sometimes i wish u wouldn't treat me so nice...

P.S: Even Limei says u are nice... U can put up with a lot of shit...

P.S.S: U won't get to see this anyway...