Pocket full of sunshine

[Interlude]
I got a pocket,got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love that knows that it's all mine
oh.oh,oh
Do what you want,but you never gonna break me,
sticks and stone are never gonna shake me
oh,oh,oh

[Chorus]
Take me away (take me away)
A secret place (a secret place)
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)
Take me away (take me away)
Take me away (take me away)
To better days (to better days)
Take me away (take me away)
A hiding place (a hiding place)

[Interlude]
I got pocket,Got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love that knows that it's all mine
oh,oh,oh
Wish that you could,but you ain't gonna own me
do anything you can to control me
oh,oh,oh

[Chorus]

[Hook]
There's a place that I go
That nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home
And there's no more lies
And darkness is light
And nobody cries
there's only butterflies

[Chorus 2x]

[Chorus & Interlude]

The sun's on my side
Take me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be alright

The sun's on my side
Take me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be alright

Success and Happiness

Today we pitched our project idea to Catherine and well, we were just bouncing some ideas around. It centres around life satisfaction, or happiness, and the different factors that might contribute to it. Attaining success is one of them but what is the definition of it?

In the end, she cautioned us,

"Don't confuse Success with Happiness."

Sounds simple enough? But her words kept resonating in my mind and I just couldn't shake it out of my head. What exactly is success and with success, will happiness definitely follow?? Why do some live in poverty but stay happy while others who have no financial worries are constantly battling discontentment??

What is success to me?? And what will give me happiness?? Am I satisfied with life now?? What about in the future?? If I am working to ensure happiness in the future, that must mean that I am not happy now right? I am discontented with what I have that is why I am "working" to ensure future happiness...

Puzzling and almost cyclical train of thought that just won't go away... Causing my eyes to feel hot and dry and irritated... Could be the contact lenses though...

Uncertainty isn't fun at all and haha, the articles that we read and try to understand are just making me more confused about the human mind... Maybe should quit school and become a full-time nanny like Izyan suggested.

Seven Basic Steps to Maintaining a Good Relationship

Found this on some counselling website and I just thought of sharing.

1. Be aware of what you and your partner want for yourselves and what you want from the relationship.

2. Let one another know what your needs are.

3. Realize that your partner will not be able to meet all of your needs. Some of these needs will have to be met outside the relationship.

4. Be willing to negotiate and compromise on the things you want from one another.

5. Do not demand that a partner change to meet all your expectations. Work to accept the differences that you see between your ideal and the reality.

6. Try to see things from the other's point of view. This doesn't mean that you must agree with one another, but rather that you can expect yourself and your partner to understand and respect your differences, your points of view and your separate needs.

7. Where critical differences exist in your expectations, needs, opinions or views, try to negotiate.

All sounds very common sense but how often have we lost track of it ourselves? Going to let these rules guide me. =)

No photos

Well, I thought we have never taken a picture together, until I remembered I have seen him in a bathrobe and I know because he was wearing a bathrobe, I wanted to take picture with him. Well, I was pretty high then, and then I recalled when was that. It was at Hall Ball a couple of years back. Not too long ago, if we thought about it.

I always felt that he was only like, maybe 2cm taller than me. But in this picture can see he quite a bit taller than me lah... haha!! Revelation. Well, as can tell, I was already super high at that time... Ai ren and my faces both very red.

I think his hair a bit too long here, look every bit an Ah Beng.

Well, it's about a year and half later now and look at where we are...

Dreamy

Body still feels like it is in dream land and my brain is not warmed up for any work... Still in the weekend mood...

Let's do an inverntory take on Vday... 2 roses, 2 love notes (i received a 2nd one from wenqi), a pig paperclip, an angel paperclip and the biggest gift of all - A NEW ADIDAS GYM BAG. Yah, it's that colour that you see it here...

Supposed to motivate me to go to the gym more but I am just fascinated by how deceivingly small it is lah! Can put so many things... Unlike the Crumpler, look like can put a lot of things but actually not many things... The gym bag is so.... SWEE!!!

Watched JUMPER on Saturday... Awesome show, totally felt like becoming a Jumper too!!! I was like pseudo-laughing at the guys when they were gushing about how they wanted to be Jumpers too, but inside me, I was also thinking how nice if I was a Jumper too!!!

Hayden Christensen is HOT. And I have to agree with Izyan that the last line was a killer. Totally sealed his IDEAL BOYFRIEND status.

"So, where do you want to go?" -Jump-

Yes, please... Breakfast in Paris, shopping in Milan, lunch on xiao long baos in Shanghai, massage in India, afternoon tea in London watch sunset in the Carribbean before having dinner and then back home. Wah!!

Ok, back to reality. Really, watch it girls. I had to hold a bowl beneath my chin coz I was drooling so much... Woohoo!!

Next movies in line that I want to watch:

(1) 27 dresses

(2) Ah Long Pte Ltd

Guess what? Adam and I have not watched a movie tgt before. As in just us. Both times we watched movies, were with a gang of people. But I have to admit that it is fun hanging out with them. =)

Post V Day Date

Looking forward to tonight...

I called mama last night to wish her Happy Valentine's Day and she sounded smiley and happy. Glad to hear that her flu has finally cleared and she no longer sound nasal... She was surprised that I wasn't with Adam though, and that I had just finished gym with Diane and we were on our way to get dinner... Told her that our date has been postponed coz I have classes today mah...

Dinner tonight!! Looking forward to it. I have a meat craving but I hope the portion isn't too big. After I started gymming, my appetite has shrunk a bit so I no longer ravage my food. I'm sure the food is gg to taste good but I don't want to disappoint the chef by having leftovers on my plate... Apparently, got no dessert lah...

He say I can have dessert but he's not gg to have any... Just coz he went to NYDC at Holland V last night with WC and Ryan to eat ice cream (Gay Boys Alert -WAR)... But desserts must eat together then nice mah! So, since he's not having any then I also dun want!

And I was telling Diane that erm, he sounded genuine about the first gift which was the perfume lah but he also said he had somehow guessed that it was gg to be that perfume. But when he opened the box with the key-chains, I think he sounded a bit TOO OVER...

"WOW, KEYCHAINS!!"

Like, seriously, Yuwen and Huiyun also felt that he might not be too hot over them and I also know I bought them more coz I WANTED THEM... So his reaction was a bit... But, since he changed his keychain on the spot without me saying anything, I shall just accept that yes, maybe he did like them (a bit hard to believe I know...) and that yes, maybe coz this set was a bit more abstract than the initial one that caught my eye, so yah...

Alright, came to library to print notes but ended up blogging. Now I am late for class. Bleh!!

Guess what?

The whole world has wished me HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY already but not a single *beep* from him... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Really leh, my random friends have wished me on msn and even sent SMSes to wish me, Andy Toh also wished me (I almost dropped the phone coz I went into shock), Jay wished me (how random right, after SO LONG), and even Alan wished me (his new display pic of Michi is damn CUTE lah!!).

Di also wished me... So, he leh?

RAH!!!

Must be the period making me feel a bit twitchy and provoked... No cramps but just uncomfortable and I think tt's what making me very snappy, irritated and a bit on the bitchy side. Turned down dinner invitations (ok lah, coz I promised Di I will go gym with her already), but not a single beep from him...

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Project V Day is completed!!

Hope he likes them... Although no news from him today and well, he is not the first person to wish me Happy Valentine's...

Sweet lil Lydia gave me my first Valentine!! A hand-written note plus a pig paper-clip... Love the pig's silver ears and bright pink nose. The pig itself is blue by the way...

I also received ROSES!!!

It's been 2 WHOLE YEARS since I last recevied flowers lah!! The first rose was from the Top 3 guys in OMC - Sammy, Chin Sin & Jerry!! When I opened the door to see them and that stalk of rose, I was so touched that I think I could have cried... I am not being melodramatic here, it's what I truly felt...

I have always felt that flowers are a waste of money coz you can't keep them and they are only pretty for that moment. But I have to admit that, on special days like this, I really appreciate the flowers...

The second stalk was from Minghui!! Dearest captain and shoulder-stand base... He had a whole Crumpler bag filled with the roses and he was delivering them to all the girls... He just looked so cute, like Mr Postman...

So now these have claimed a spot on my noticeboard too... Just can't help admiring how nice they look and well, I really like the roses... I wouldn't say roses are my favourites, but they do signify romance, what can be more apt than the roses on Valentine's Day?? I really can't think of any flower that's better... White Lilies?

I hope the guys have a Happy Valentine's too!!

Lastly, before I sleep, I think I want Ai Ren to know that I feel a bit INSULTED that she say my presents look like LUKCY DRAW PRIZES coz the 2 are wrapped in the same wrapping paper... Can't help it if I decided to use the remaining one and not buy new ones... =P

Next time I dun help you "audit" liao hor!! You ownself slowly count hor!! *hahahaha*

To all my dearest friends (you all know that you are the privileged lot right? my blog quite exclusive leh...), enjoy Valentine's Day wherever you are. Think of your loved ones and your friends. =)

Project V Day

Hello!! It's Valentine's Day tml!! Although many see it as a time for romance, I rem in Sec sch, we used to say it was a day for friendship also... Thus, used to prepare small chocolates and stuff for my girl friends too.

In Japan, Valentine's Day is a time for GIRLS to CONFESS THEIR LOVE!!! Basically, in Japan, the girls do the GIVING lah... Chocolates and cards and love letters... Then if the guy appreciates her feelings and want to reciprocate, they do that in WHITE'S DAY which is a month after, on 14th March. That happens to be my papa's birthday also.. *hehe*

Anyway, bought present and wrapped it on Monday already but went to the Joint Hall Bazaar just now and came across SOMETHING SMALL that was so CUTE that I just ended up buying it lah... haha!! I really think it's cute but as I was asking Yuwen and Huiyun, dunnoe if Adam will appreciate it or not... If he dun then, I just have to thick skin a bit...

Like that day when we were talking about jigsaw puzzles and he said "guys won't appreciate one lor", I was stunned momentarily... Coz that was one of the things I thought of doing for him for V.Day... I've always liked doing those colourful and cute jigsaws and his bedroom wall also like got space so thought of doing one... At that point in time when he said it over the phone, I could feel the heat creeping up onto my cheeks but I also just "ying zhe tou pi" and said yah, I already knew he won't appreciate. I also just laugh it off with Yuwen but inside was like, "..."

I was wondering, if I had already bought the puzzle and the frame and had already started on the puzzle, what would I have done?? Would I have just scraped it and got something else?? But I know at that moment, my heart just sank and hit the floor with a dull thud. And the blush on my face was so bloody hot, lost for words for 1.5sec and then I just felt that, hmmm...

Would he have pretended to like the present if I had gotten him something that he didn't like? Would I prefer him to PRETEND TO LIKE IT or to TELL ME THE TRUTH?? I prefer to know the truth lah, but sometimes the truth can be a bit too painful...

Aiyoh, now I think of that "puzzle conversation" only, I will feel the embarrassment welling up inside me... =P

Drinking Session at 14

I know this post is a bit late... Ok, not a bit, QUITE... But well, this was the aftermath of Project Bloop and Mambo deprivation on Harold's part... I remember Leonard was VERY ON that night and that Harold drank expired beer...

I think Zihui did a Merlion in Harold's toilet and that was when the night ended. But I finished the night off when I started jumping on Jason's bed and stole his bolster... Threw his bolster down the stairs when he caught me... Haha!

It's the last semester for so many of them... I will miss you all but until that day, let's have more of these nonsensical nights... And no attempts to play "intellectual" games like MURDERER ok?? Stick to "Cai Quan" and "Zhong Ji Mi Ma" =)

It's a BUSY WEEK!!

Yes, it's a busy week!!!

Just glad that today's Fishbowl Session during Joyce's class was a good one... Think I scored quite alright with it. There were Si HUan and Yasmin in my fishbowl so they provided enough stimulation for the interaction to be fruitful!

Manicure and Pedicure later at 1pm. Tuition at 3.30pm. Gym tonight at 7p.m.
There's a French test tml that I haven't studied for... I think I am quite up-to-date with it so just go through my notebook can liao... And I have to go memorise the lines for tml's CDP101...
Rehearsal with Izyan just now was FUNNY lah!!! But I hope she recovers from her flu soon.

Her cough is so terrible!! I wonder whether her throat hurts when she coughs like that coz, it does sound painful... GET WELL SOON IZZY!!

Thursday make VDAY CARD!! After Clare's class got a lot of time so can make the card. Bought the gift and wrapped it yesterday. BUt have to thank Yuwen for sponsoring the wrapping paper though. Laundry... I think tml afternoon then do...

Thursday got gym also... GET FIT!!! RUN OFF ALL THE BAKKWA AND PINEAPPLE TARTS!!!

After writing all these down, suddenly Friday doesn't seem so far away... =)

Chinese New Year 2008

I love my new year clothes!!!

Bye bye

Bye bye mama!! Ami cried at the airport again... And well, even though I know that she'll be back in July with papa for Aya's graduation, I also felt sad... This trip, mama didn't rest much... Spring cleaning then when CNY came, we were out all the time visiting relatives... Plus she was a bit flu-ey so her medicine made her drowsy most of the time...

But I am so happy that this trip, to me, was a great one. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, I dun have to hide things and like happily, TA-DAH!!! THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND!!!

Really leh, gg to bai nian with boyfriend sounds like a simple enough thing that many people do. But I was really happy that day. Like...

Ma, I going out already hor! I going to BAI NIAN at Adam's house. I AM GOING TO BAI NIAN TO ADAM'S PARENTS!!

Adam came to my house to bai nian to mama first
-check
Mandarin oranges
-check
Adam's car
-check
Nice enough looking dress
-check
Hold Adam's hand
-check

WE ARE GOING TO BAI NIAN!!!


Ok, I shall stop here now... hyperventilating a bit due to excietement... Later cannot concentrate in class so must stop here...

Yah, so basically that's it. Haha!! Looking forward to papa's return then they can officially meet face-to-face and I shall see by then, the arsenal of questions my papa will have for Adam... Muahahahahaha!!!

Aiyoh, then yesterday when we went to pray to Tai Sui, we were KPO-ing about Jasmine's bf (name Alex, half-Indian half-Chinese) and how the whole Meet-The-Parents session went... Then my 2 aunties asked, "you leh??"

Auntie Vivien even claimed that she saw us before near my block but she didn't call out to me coz she dun want to make me paiseh!!! East side is dangerous territory...

BUT NOT ANYMORE!!!

See then see lor!!! Papa & mama know already so IT'S ALRIGHT!!! =) Better still, call me mah, then I can happily, "Yes, this is my BOYFRIEND." *grinz*

It's just monday but I am looking forward to the weekend already... Ok, nap now, got class later... Muackz!!

feedback

Today's CNY 4th day... At the start of the week, I was still thinking, YAY!! Mama is back and CNY is coming!!! When CNY came, I was like, wow, so fast... Now, I'm thinking, Mama is gg back tml... *sob*

Adam came to Bai Nian yesterday also... It was a bit awkward I guess, but it wasn't too bad... Di couldn't make it on the 2nd day so she came yesterday too. They arrived at the same time so I guess the pressure was off him. Di was talking to mama so atmosphere was more relaxed...

Then at night he Skyped my dad and then mama had some time to just chit chat with him... It was funny watching my dad and Adam. Like, both a bit nervous and dun noe what to expect...

Adam, "I have never been so scared of a computer before..."

Like what Huiyun they all liked to do in hall last time, he hid just beyond the view of the webcam so my papa couldn't see him at first. Actually I think my papa really just wanted to SEE only lah, not much questions... But it was funny how both papa and mama asked, "so you don't have to sail? you stay in Singapore all the time?"

Hmm... then mama's turn.

Can't rem what she asked him, but some basic questions on his family background and well, a lengthy speech on drink-driving. But then, I know Adam is a responsible and careful driver and I told her so too.

Finally, after he left, I asked her, "So what do you think of Adam??"

"I don't know lah. Talked to him a while only."
-Anticlimax leh-









But this morning she just said

"Yesterday I talked to Adam for a while so I really don't know. But ah, he'S the only son and he has only 1 younger sister. Plus he leads a comfortable life so I WARN you ah, he most probably won't give in to you one."

-Does tt mean, he looks/sounds spoilt??

"You better control your temper coz I think he won't give in to you but OTHER THAN THAT I think he is ok one."

-Huh? My temper has mellowed a lot and I have become more patient (thanks to all my friends who need help lah!) already leh, but I STILL NEED TO DO THE GIVING IN AH?!?!



I think my mama just scared I get bullied by the DA SHAO YE... Actually, will he bully me in the future?? Now I am feeling a bit apprehensive also... Honeymoon period so maybe different, then 6months down the road CHUI!!

I've told her!!!

Told mama already... And so, as promised to Limei on my tagboard, yes, I shall blog about it...

I started it off by saying, "Adam ask me whether I gg to his house to Bai Nian..."

Mama: (pauses) You go and think whether you are serious about him or not lor...
Me: Huh? Orh, Ok.

And so she exited the room... Moments later, while I was helping her bring down the curtains to wash,

Mama: How old is he?
Me: 2 years older than me.
Mama: Huh? Then how come he graduate already? He didn't serve NS is it?
Me: He just graduate last year. Hello ma, I went to Poly remember?? (do a little more math for her)
Mama: Then where does he live?
Me: Tanah Merah.
Mama: Where?
Me: Terrace house.
Mama: Then what's he doing now?
Me: Navy.
Mama: So he got smoke lah...
Me: Uhm, yah. But he's trying to quit now, limited to 2 sticks a day... (a bit flustered...)

Well, tt's about it.

BUt, I can safely say, my mama had no signs of objection. Even when I told her maybe weekend I will go out and bai nian at his place... Tricky part, I dunno whether he should be coming up to bai nian also... wahaha!

Yah, then, hmm... Yah lor.

At least I managed to damage control the smoking part.. Mama dun like guys to smoke coz my papa smokes HEAVILY and it is causing a BREATHING PROBLEM for my mum now... GAMBLING as in those horsebetting kind also cannot... DRINKING IN MODERATION is still allowed... TATTOOS are a strict no-no!! Simply coz will have a problem if we want to go to hot spring.

What else did I miss out?

Oh yes, I have notified my mama that he does not reach the required height of 174cm... I.e. shorter than Aya.

My mama also asked if he was an only child (no, got younger sister, same age as Aya, studying in NTU also and yes, tt still makes him the ONLY SON).

She skipped the usual questions of "how did you meet? where did you meet?" Apparently, from what i see this time round, knowing that he's my senior from hall already warranted a big enough green light.

I hope she doesn't laugh when she sees how boyish he is. Hehe!! Sometimes I feel pressured to dress and look younger... Simply coz I dun want to go out and ppl think I am OLDER THAN HIM.

Good start to the whole affair. At least I can now, not worry that when we go out, I might bump into my relatives and then ARGH!!! They know before my own parents know... And sooner or later mama will pester me and ask me when am I gg to tell papa about Adam.

Well, will have more things to blog about AFTER MY MAMA SEES ADAM lah, confirm. Now she's adopting tt " I must be fair, I haven'T seen him or talked to him yet so I cannot pass judgement..." kind of stance... *shudders*

P.S: At the age of 22 gg onto 23, I still behave like a kid in front of my mama when it comes to things like this... Haiz...

Affections

Stingy little pig... Stingy with affections I mean... Why is it that although 2 people are a couple already but they will still talk to each other as though they are just friends??

THAT GUY talks to me as though he is talking to his brothers or something... It's UBER WEIRD and I find that a bit disconcerting... One minute the mood is good and well, maybe even a lil intimate and then BANG!! He opens his mouth and talks to me as though he is talking to his guy friends...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it coz we were already friends to start with, so somehow he talks like that?? Like, WAH, SO COMFORTABLE WITH ME ALREADY HOR! Even I don't behave the same way around him as I do when I am with Yuwen, Harold etc. at BLK 14...

Yes, I do find myself doing stupid things and unglam things around him also but...

...

NVM.

Oh yes, like I was telling Diane, there must be a screw loose in my brain... It's actually when he is doing something STUPID that I find him most adorable and well, he gives me that *meltz* kind of feeling...

Like, when he did that stupid laugh-non-stop-like-Stephen-Chow thing when he first got his car... Let me tell you, it wasn't a pretty sight at all and it was a bit irritating but his expression of pure elation and childish glee was so... *MELTZ*

When he's super tired and sleepy and he looks like he just want to curl up and die... He will have this EXPRESSION that makes me think, *MELTZ*

When he's trying to describe to me something and well, the way he describes it is like super unglam with lots of funny sound effects and maybe half the time he is not even articulating it in proper words... *MELTZ*

LIke HELLO AKI!! WAKE UP YOUR IDEA!! A BIT TOO EASILY CONTENTED, NO?!

It's just all these super duper funny things that make me want to just squeeze him... haha!!

I think I must be chill about it... Coz well, I know he is still holding back, I mean, he said it himself... SELF=DEFENSE MECHANISM. WTF?!
What makes him so sure that I am any less fearful of getting hurt than him?? RAH!

Ambivalence

Ambivalence is what I feel when I am around my own mother. Happy to see her back but within a day and we 2 have fallen back into that pattern which has kept me on my toes when I am around her...

I know she's there and she loves me but I can't be entirely honest with her... She knows I love her but she knows that she can't be too direct with me coz over-sensitive me will get defensive. We both know it, but still, everytime, we fall into that trap...

I found it amusing that she didn't ask me those questions concerning my own life, but she actually went to ask my younger sister about it... I mean, if you wanted to know, ask me lah!! But on the other hand, I know that all this while, everytime we talk about my love-life, the "discussion" turns into an argument...

I guess she was worried that it will be the same again. But this time, I have met someone who I know I can be proud of. Someone who will most probably be considered acceptable by her standards too. Past few times, I have to admit that she was right when she said,"I don't think he is the right person for you."

I could easily have just approached her and told her but somehow I couldn't... Boy, I even had to sms Diane to ask her opinion on it... She gave the green light but still I held back...

Even though I feel that I have nothing to hide and I would want to parade him in front of her, haha... It's so confusing... Sometimes I feel that I communicate better with her over the webcam than face-to-face... Hoping that I can cross that hurdle inside me and tell her everything before she goes back...

For once, I am DYING to tell my mum about everything that is gg on in my life (ok, well, not everything.. esp the parties and drinking and what not.. haha!) so yah... PLUS, if she gives her stamp of approval I guess it will be easier telling papa.

I still find it funny how he will always feign ignorance when it is bloody obvious that mama has updated him about our lives... It's as though we must tell him personally to make it official and before he will attempt to recognise it as a reality..

Mama coming back

Mama will be back tml evening at 5.15pm... So happy that she's coming back for CNY... I mean, New Year's and Xmas are more for like fun and getting trashed and just partying but CNY is like the time of the year that I firmly believe family should come together.

And I am happy that Mama can come back to be with her family too!!! And I know she really misses home... HOME is so subjective... I think of home as Singapore too although by right, it should be Tokyo...

So glad she'll be back but I have a test on monday so first weekend I will pretty much lie low at home... And then CNY will have to share her with all the relatives... Then the last weekend confirm very emo. Hehe!! Standard procedure...

But I'm also scared that she's coming back...

WHY IS THE HOUSE NOT CLEAN??? WHY GOT SO MANY CLOTHES AGAIN??? YOU GOT ANYHOW SPEND MONEY OR NOT??? YOUR BANK ACCOUNT STILL GOT MONEY OR NOT???

I love her but I hate it when she nags... It's like, I simply can't cut away her apron strings... Forever a kid and I just think sometimes, there's nothing to worry about but she just wants to find something to worry about... Bleh!!!

Can I have my mama back w/o the nagging??? hehe!