I know

Dear You,

this is a letter tt i know will never reach u... U will never know of all these tt i am thinking and feeling inside... But we both know what it is like now... We will never go back to what we were before... Things are different now and we will never have what we had before...

We are friendly to each other and we show tt we still care for each other, but it's just so different now... We force ourselves to laugh and play a fool just so we won't be so awkward but we know tt, deep inside, we are just not at the same level anymore... When we sit at the same table and eat, we never talk... When we sat down for coffee, all we could do was sip our lattes and look at the magazines tt Olio had... When we chat on msn, every other line is a "haha" and tt's it... Definitely not a conversation... When u ask about school and i reply, u just move on to what u have been doing and it doesn't interest me anymore... And u can't seem to wait to move on to familiar topics like COE prices and who is getting married to who, who had a baby, who is going to have a baby...

I know u are still as nice and caring as before, but we are different now, and it saddens me tt u know it too but u can't let go... To tell u the truth, i know what it is like to be unable to let go of something u believe u have worked very hard for... But sometimes, holding on can hurt even more... yourself and the other... Letting go of ur hopes and dreams is so hard... so fucking damn hard and it pains me to know tt u are hurting inside as well... U are hurting over the same damn reason as i was... Why?

Will time lead us out of this game of charades? Is it better tt we see less of each other, now tt my exams are here? U smile and i know what u are feeling inside... But i can do nothing to make u feel better... I dun want u to feel all tt hurt after all tt u did for me... I remember everything tt u did and it pains me tt i dun feel touched by those memories, just a dull sadness tt what we had was all gone...

Running around finding my fave B&J flavour just coz NTUC was low on their stock and i wanted it so badly, surprising me with tt dress & shoes combo then bringing me to Top M, those late nights when u stayed up by the phone coz u knew i was sick, National Day at Swissotel (although it was ur Bday), the evening strolls with Haagen Daaz ice cream, our Sentosa trip, teaching me tt chilli crabs are best eaten by manhandling it (no need for image, then), teaching me to drink, being a good drinker so tt u are never drunk and can make sure i'm alright ( i will never forget tt time when my 3 cousins took u on and they lost... I sort of felt from then on tt all guys should know how to drink well) and every single lil thing...

I really feel thankful for ur love but what's with the emptiness between us now... It can never be filled again, i'm sorry...