I like the feeling of ease that alcohol can bring... For a while, my incoherent speech and unexplainable behaviour is alright with everyone and I dun have to give a reason as to why I'm laughing or crying... Just tt lil moment of escape but it makes me feel a lil relieved tt i had the chance to release them out...
I'm not turning to alcohol full-time, dun get me wrong... But I think YW had a point when she said tt i drink and party only coz I want to forget somethings... The say she hit the nail on the head kinda scares me but I like the ring of truth tt's to it... At least i think i'm understanding myself a lil more...
I was talking to SL today. In fact, we had dinner... I just realised tt if I had agreed to the plan he had for me after graduation, NTU would be my last-stop for youth... At the age of 24, I would have been preparing to get married and rear a family of my own... It just struck me more vividly tonight, how not ready I am to settle down... Maybe the vow I made to my mum years back might just come true.... I might really not want to get married until i was 29... What does tt say about me? Am I normal in thinking tt way??
Life is short and youth is even shorter... I am desperately clutching at straws to keep me here when I'm only 20... It scares me to know tt a day will come when I have to move on to the next phase in life... I'm so not ready for it...
I want someone by my side to love me till the end of time, stroll with me hand in hand, watch our kids grow up, play with our grandkids and understand each other... But can't imagine settling down now, or in the next 5 years... Beyond tt time, most probably yes, but no.... Not now...
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