Finally some peace and quiet... Used to dread the alone-time coz I was vulnerably in need for company so tt i won't think too much... But now, i realise tt it's been a while since i had time for myself and to just think...
Used to get a lot of alone-time at home and relax... Plug myself to some music and play around on my notebook... Let the music sort of take over me and let my moods swing whichever way the music wanted it to... It's definitely cooler than meditation i think...
Tonight, I'm listening to some smoother Kylie Minogue songs (nice butt u have there lady!) and just thinking of all the things tt has been going on in hall and with the girls... When there are more ppl interacting together, u see and experience more things... Learn more from their examples too...
My friend is experiencing a crush on someone now... She was telling me, now i know how painful it is to love someone one-sidedly... I could only nod and smile, well, i've been there... Looking at her, all the thoughts and feelings i had tucked away was all barging out again... Sort of reliving the whole experience through her and I actually felt the pain for her... It never goes away for good, these kind of things... One needs courage to dream and hope and wait and I applaud her for tt but what she doesn't know yet is tt, one needs even more courage to give up all tt u have dreamt, hoped and waited for... Sometimes, u think u have left it all behind and learnt to slowly put one foot in front of the other but basically, u are just walking on a treadmill... When u turn ur head slightly, u realise tt u have never walked away... It's all still there... But maybe u do learn something... You learn to continue dreaming and hoping and waiting, but just with more control... You learn how to break ur fall and learn how to put on a mask...
Somehow got me thinking of all the times we spent together... From the very first encounter to the rumour tt's going around now... Teaching me how to print notes at the library, Monday lunches, The Dream, the birthdays, the first date tt never happened, the spiral-down ending, the awkwardness, the pretence of strength, the weakness, the clubbing experience, how the rumour made me act better for JK (yes, it was an inspiring story... Raye didn't need to do much for me to show sadness when she acted as the love rival, Bleh!!) and again the mask I put on to force it all deep down inside of me... Haha!! Psychology has taught me tt this is called Repression... A form of defense mechanism to protect one's own slef-being (I got study my textbook, k?)...
After living together with Limei for a period of time, i really thank my lucky stars tt i found her... She is easy to live with and a good friend too... Taste in men has been quite good so far... I now have an added asset in my room... Haha! Permanent Resident of 18-3-284... Our very own water-boy... Greatest contribution to the room has been a green table that limei has decorated... Just glad tt they are getting along fine and they shouldn't face any major problems together... At least my roomie sticks up for me when James bully me (he very fierce... but Limei fiercer... I'm the fiercest!! Bleh!!=P) and well, he's the official photographer for Tweeties now...
Exams are coming but so much unfinished business to attend to... And i haven't seen Diane for a while (a long long while) and was really touched when she sent an SMS saying that i just crossed her mind and thought of how i was... I miss u sister... I believe if u were here, I would be so much more stronger and so much more in control... I am just unable to be myself without u around... U keep me in check and know what is best for me so help me now tt u are not beside me all the time... U are still my bestie... Dirty secrets and skeletons... We know them all... Haha!! And one thing i'll always remember when i shared with u my hall stories... "You sound like u are having a lot of fun... I know what u mean... I miss good @£$*"£&%£$ too... It is so important... U are leading such an exciting life..." Well babe, sometimes i think back and wonder if i might not be feeling so strained if i didn't have all these "excitement" in my life... Bleh!!!
Everytime we went clubbing together, i missed being single and carefree... But now, I wish this would all be over and tt he will be there for me... Bleh Bleh Bleh!! Don't laugh!!! Don't-try-to-play-punk-with-me Aki is entitled to some affection too right?? hehe!!! @@
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