Pink Nails

I have my Barbie-doll-pink nails again... Took some discipline to not chui the polish tt I had painstakingly just applied...

Mama called today while I was doing project and I asked her what's up... She said nothing, just tt I haven't called home for a while so was just wondering how I was... Felt a little guilty coz I know I have been caught up with my own stuffs and I haven't been really talking to her even at home...

Raye's at home tonight to accompany her mum... I wish I could be at home with her too... I remember the times when I was really nervous about something and I couldn't sleep... I would just go peek at my mum sleeping and I would feel better... I remember when I was younger and I was rebellious... I made my mum so angry tt she threatened to jump out the kitchen window and I didn't say or do anything to stop her... I know I was a real disappointment to her but she never gave up... She was always by my side... No matter how much I hurt her, she was always there for me...

Slowly, I grew out of tt phase and learnt to reflect and i really felt the guilt... I tried to be a better person for my mum and to be a better daughter to please her... But with age, came new problems tt we clashed over... Just tt I try to have more control over my rage and words when dealing with such issues with her... I used to think tt I could live very well on my own and tt i didn't need anyone... But as I grew older, I learnt how fortunate I was to have my mum... I've seen my cousin get married without her mum around... My aunt had died when I was in Primary 3 and last year when she got married, she broke down at the reception coz she so wanted her mum to see her then... I also felt tt I would want my mum to be by my side always...

To see me get married, hold my children, watch her grand-children grow old, go on tours with me, watch over me forever...

I love my mum but at the same time, there are times when we simply just clash and quarrel and then we will simply ignore each other for god-knows-how-long and then when we finally start talking, it is with great animosity but most times, I can't remember why we stopped talking in the first place... Bleh!! =P

Tonight, I miss my mum again... Only she will love me unconditionally, forever...