New Beginning

Saying hello to something new spells the end of something old... Looking forward, I can smile and dream of all the nice things that hope might bring... But looking back, I am saddened tt I will never be missed as much as he still misses her... I could never live up to what she left behind, and I never can replace tt...

I feel better already but still the dull ache is there whenever these thoughts cross my mind... And Alan did say the corniest thing ever to make light of the past... He's really nice and I really like him... I never thought tt someone could bowl sceptical me over so fast and hard... Trust me, questions still ring in my head everytime he does something nice or says something to make me smile... But somehow, I am relishing every bit tt he offers just coz I think I deserve it... Somehow, I don't trust myself... Am I with Alan just coz I am pampered and can take my time to lick my wounds? Or is there really something for the both of us?

I throw all caution to the wind when I am with him... Is tt only coz I feel tt I have a huge need for some tenderness tt I couldn't have before? Am I lapping up all the attention tt he showers only coz I couldn't find tt at the place where I wanted it to come from the most? I mean, I have put it all behind me (i hope) but somehow, I am cautious about how I am responding to all this hooha... Am I for real??

Am I only seeking the care and concern from him coz I couldn't find those in the person tt I wanted to see the most? If it is true, I have a huge mess of substitution on my hands... But then again, the 2 of them are no way alike...

Alan's not too tall but really fit (a little more bulk than James) and he plays football, watches football and even plays tt on his PS... Tt's almost his life... He drives, got me to stop smoking when I club but got caught by him at Mambo the other day anyway... Says tt I like to ask questions tt sometimes he can't find appropriate answers to... Finds me interesting coz I seem to be both mature and girlish, can switch modes in split seconds... He can hold his liquor well (Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.................) and he watches out for me when we club together...

He has his reservations about me too coz, well, we met at a club... We have no mutual friends nor share a circle of friends... And the fact tt I am still studying and have not started working... He keeps having this thought tt I can always find someone better than him "with my qualities"... And of course, he is really sweet and tries to make opportunities for me to interact with his family... Like there was once, he had gone to work already, leaving me at home with his mum... I woke up and showered, played with his dog... His mum and I were chatting on the sofa when he came home and found us sitting together... He was kinda curious, asking what we talked about and things like tt...

And he is an impatient person... But I was impressed when he waited for me to finish KBox with my poly friend the other time when he had already reached the meeting place so early... Dun noe why, but I just find him very endearing... And the few times I went out with him, really felt tt he could take care of me... Ordering, getting stuffs for me... Looked after and taken cared for... And we banter a lot... Just talking... I like tt...

Even the first dinner date was not awkward at all... Very satisfying and fun... Easy time, just eating and laughing and talking... Really happy just being with him. =)