Opponent Process Theory

Well, I am trying to rationalise this "feeling" in me with the Opponent Process Theory. I don't think I am getting it exactly right but the gist of it is the same I guess...

I am having this sinking feeling. Anxiety about my birthday party. Don't ask me why anxiety. I don't know why either. I only just managed to pinpoint a term to describe this feeling in me as anxiety. I am not sure anxious about what either. After so many years of quiet birthday celebrations with my various cliques, gathering everyone in one location and doing the whole celebration thing in a club might be the factor. The sudden change is not sitting well with me I think. And the added factor of the impending GP deadlines that just keep coming, coming and coming. Some days I really don't want to think of Catherine and her comments.

Anyway, the signs I have been having are breathlessness, nausea (at weird moments like while waiting for the MRT door to open), a heavy dull throb in my chest and fitful sleep patterns. My 2-week long cough might be psychosomatic too. Initially I thought I wake up in the night because of my cough but I realise last night, I wasn't coughing when I woke up. I just woke up for no reason.

So then again, how does the Opponent Process Theory apply here??

Maybe I was initially very excited about having my bday celebrations with everyone at St James (a-process) and then now tt ard a week has passed since the initial planning, the countering b-process has kicked in thus making me feel the opposite of excitement... which is DREAD.

I know I am weird but this is what I really feel. Dread. I am afraid of the event really taking place only to result in disappointment and boredom.

But I dunno how to tell anyone about it. Coz if someone had told me that he/she dreads his/her bday party, I would just think tt person is silly. But tt is exactly what I am feeling. I dun want it to fall flat coz tt is not how I want to remember my bday.

Argh.