"I know this feeling all too intimately. I know the sad longing to delay the end of another February 4. This sadness is one of the great trials of the human experiment. As far as we know, we are the only species on the planet who have been given the gift - or the curse, perhaps - of awareness about our own mortality. Everything here eventually die; we're just the lucky ones who get to think about this fact everyday. How are you going to cope with this information? When I was nine, I couldn't do anything with it except cry. Later, over the years, my hypersensitive awareness of time's speed led me to push myself to experience life at a maximum pace. If I were going to have such a short visit on earth, I had to do everything possible to experience it now..."
I am still reading this book now but the first few chapters have already overwhelmed me with this sense of comfort and hope that in the end, nothing is more devastating than death so there's nothing to worry about the daily stuff. I like what an old woman told the author.
"There are only two questions that human beings have fought over, all through history. How much do you love me? And Who's in charge?"
Everything else is somehow manageable. But these two questions of love and control undo us all, trip us up and cause war, grief and suffering.
But all in all, the author somehow coped by writing to herself in a journal. And each time she scrawled "I need your help." She reminded herself how much she still loved herself even through all the dysfunctionality and the mistakes. That was the comfort and strength that she couldn't find anywhere else. What mattered was that she still loved herself, respected herself and that was enough. I like that.
At the end of the day, no matter what others say, if I choose not to let it affect me, it will not affect me. I don't have to sit around feeling sad and unhappy. I can seek out things and activities that makes me happy. The author has gone to Rome to learn Italian and gorged herself on the food there. Now I am with her on the journey to find God and serenity in an Ashram in India. I know she still has one last place to go in her book but I am relishing every word that is in the book.
What did I do so far? I chose to speak to one of my cousins and let it all out. Then I didn't think about it anymore. It wasn't hard to see that I shouldn't waste my time being upset about it. I went out with my friends and had a great time just having a quick dinner and then a drink together. I didn't allow my own sorrow spoil my time. Why should I allow this to consume my whole life? It just isn't worth it to give up other good things in life. I am thankful for these things.
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