I wonder...

why honesty does not come easily for some people. Honesty was not my forte when I was younger but to a certain extent, I can understand that it can be driven by an implicit motivation and the lie wasn't born out of wanting to hurt. But then again, when others have already cleared the way for you, why do you still lie and insist you do not want to walk the easier path that others have willingly created for you??

If you lie to avoid hurting that person now, when it's uncovered later, it will hurt more. At least, that was what I learnt through my own mistakes. If you lie to put up appearances, when it's uncovered later, it will be even more embarrassing. Sometimes with much more dire consequences than if the truth was told upfront. The ego can take over easily in some people and that's when something like that can happen.

Although I am the eldest among 3 sisters, I also learnt that I am not perfect and that I don't have to insist on being perfect. It would be nice if I was, but I just wasn't made to be that way. I learnt that I am not always right and my sisters don't have to listen to me just because I am older. In the past, I allowed my ego to take over often. I thought I was shielding them but I only put them through more pain when they found out. I let my ego take over and lied to cover up but the delay in revealing the truth only magnified the shame. I remember how painful it was to be told that they don't know what is true and what is not true anymore. That's why I stopped. I also lead a life where lies are unnecessary now. =) As you can see, they may be younger, but the purer state of their hearts are wiser than mine.

So maybe, just maybe, you can come down from the pedestal that others before us have put you on and remove your head from among the clouds. They may have protected you before but we are not them. We can't do the same for you. At least, not again and again. I know we sound more impatient than them but that is the truth I guess.

If only you knew, how you make us feel. If only you knew what she told me yesterday. The feeling of incompleteness. Those were her words. Very abstract, I know, but I understood exactly what she was trying to say. And the non-chalant attitude from her... That just shows the intensity of the damage. She is never non-chalant so if you had been there, I am sure it would have torn you apart. And maybe then, you will wake up.