Somehow, the rain reminds me of him... His homely body would always suggest curling up at home and watching downloaded movies when it was rainy... He used to hug me really tightly like a koala would to a tree... Just tt I am pretty small a tree as compared to him...
I used to want to go out all the time... But now, I can't even whine about tt to him anymore...
Last night my mum called before cheerleading... And she asked me about him... And she asked me what was it i really wanted... I tried to explain the emotions tt i had before everything became what it is today...
I told her very frankly tt I don't know if I can ever feel at peace with myself over this... Was giving him up really going to be worth it in the end... Or will I realise tt it was all a big mistake... Mama said tt if we were fated to be together, we will be together in the end, even after all this big hooha... And if we were not, no matter how long we stayed together, we will not be happy in the end...
She said to accept things as they are now and move on with my life... Not to think too much and just breathe easy... I do think of him sometimes, even now... In between lessons, I have the urge to call him... No matter how busy he was, he would always listen and chat till I needed to go... I really liked tt... He made me feel important...
When I come online, I take a peek to see if he is... I know tt even if he was online, I wouldn't know what to say to him, but seeing him there once, really made my heart skip a beat... I wonder...
Actually all I want is a man who will love me through all times and be there for me right at the end of it all and tell me tt we were happy and will continue to be... After all the youth and beauty is gone, the energy and passion dies, will I be left with a companion tt loves me and cares?? I knew I always believed tt i had found tt in him but, now tt he's gone, will i ever find another??
Do I still love him?
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