Insecurity

How secure am I with my current relationship? I don't think I am really secure leh... Or am I?? I like to think I am. But sometimes I will find myself using all of my self-control not to bark and bite. Especially after listening to Huiyun, I think maybe there is a case of double-standards going on inside my mind.

Is it a false sense of security? But I like to think that he is sincere too. And that it is all friendliness and not flirtations. Signs of commitments are there too. Maybe I ask for too much?? Or have I, this time round, found something that I am a bit too afraid to let go?? Then I am so screwed...

I know that I am starting to suck at playing the aloof and cool persona. Really. Emotions and thoughts written all over my face sometimes, I can feel it. Lost control of facial muscles to maintain the mask. I dunno which is more tiring - maintaining the mask and staying in control, or letting go and then worrying about the consequences later... Argh!!

People can hurt you because they can touch you. People can break you because they can reach you. That's so sad isn't it? Every move, every contact and every word is a gamble.