Pride and Secrets

Today, I saw ai ren again after so long... Share the same room but hardly ever catch each other coz of each other's schedule. So sorry ai ren!!

So, I asked Crystal in the afternoon during meeting, "Do you ever find that sometimes, you can't share your true feelings and thoughts with Derrick?" She sort of shrugged and said no. She can tell Derrick whatever she wants to say.

Then, I asked ai ren the same question. And she immediately knew that kind of feeling. Coz she has experienced that too!!!

It's like, e.g. I miss you.

That's what you may truly feel but because you dun want that special someone to think that you are being very sticky so you don't say it. Even worse, you move towards the opposite direction - becoming very aloof and dismissive.

When does a couple cross that line that assures you that you can be naked about your own feelings and thoughts?? When does the being discreet around each other ends?? I think the more important question is, when do we stop second-guessing that special someone and totally trust him/her??

I thought I was really ready to trust him until something from the past came up and I started to question the current situation and my own judgement. Or maybe I have been hurt before and then the whole thing just stays lodged in my memory and I can't get it to go. Something like that.

Self-preservations requires one to take up all measures to ensure one's own safety and survival. And I think it shouldn't end at the physical self. It should encompass the psychological and emotional. Pride comes with loving oneself.

If he cheated on his ex with you in the past, is that still a cause for worry??

If he tells you that he is gg home coz he's tired but goes off to meet his friends, is that a sign?

If you have committed such mistakes in the past and got away with it, and now you are at the receiving end, do you close one eye?? Afterall, no double standards right?

What if, you start second-guessing your own decisions?