Secrets are

hard to keep.

I used to joke with the girls that secrets are meant to be shared. But then again, some things need not stay hidden. Why then do they remain as secrets??

It's hard hiding something that u should be proud of. Or is the secret meant to keep ME hidden? I dunno what suddenly made me feel this way... But, yah... The question is why?? And sometimes, the reasons why a secret remains that way are not very convincing also...

I think these few days my mind is a total whirl...

Trying to keep up the calm facade and talking to ppl rationally, keeping emotions in check in front of others and trying to stay motivated... Breaking down my psychological defenses and it's causing me to be a bit emo i think... It's like, no avenues for me to vent and let go.

Find myself contradicting my own thoughts and feelings... Trying to psychoanalyse myself also to see why I am feeling the way I am... And I just want to shut myself down but at the same time, I want to see, feel and hear everything around me.

When does a mask stop becoming a tool that I can manipulate?? I used to think it was easy. Now I dunno when to put the mask down, with whom I can and how.

Non-chalant and cool is not me. Coz I am emotional. Coz I care. Coz I am involved.