Right Shoulder

My right shoulder is lower than my left shoulder!!! OMG!!!

Today strained it again when I was back-spot for Luting and then, as usual, she came crashing down and pulled at my already chui-ed right shoulder and then I felt that "tick tick tick" kind of feeling then NUMBNESS...

I felt like screaming there and then lah, but kept cool, just went to the toilet to lean my forehead against the cool cool sink to settle myself... Looked in the mirror and *drumroll please* my right shoulder was FUCKING lower than my left!!!

It was so scary!!! It was so obvious that Shuling noticed and Ade also saw the difference!!! I felt so so ugly to have a slanted shoulder... I seriously thought I looked ugly...

And I am still worried for my shoulder too coz I know there are still times when that "tick tick tick" feeling comes and I can't really move it without experiencing the pain...

And Luting has also given me new bruises on my right arm... Fresh ones from all the back-spotting... The biggest one is a little swollen... And now, I DUN LIKE BRUISES ANYMORE!!! Seriously, the way she cradles down, if I didn't wear a bra I think I will have become flat lah!!! And if I didn't have breasts and all that fat tissues, I will have bruises on my chest when she impacts... Super sian of back-spotting her... I just want this to end...

Did something I wasn't supposed to do today. I promised myself not to show my weak side to the team and to always keep my calm. But today, I couldn't control myself coz I think I reached my limit of tolerance and when I was talking to ZM, I lost control and started to cry.

Dammit.

But ok lah, it wasn't like HE MADE ME CRY. I just lost control at that moment and maybe it was all the pent-up frustrations. But the team was niace about it and we managed to just move on and get things done.

I know the team's limit too. Wed and Thurs are bad days to expect high hit rate. Simply because, we are not ACES ppl. We are ad hoc, we are UNISUS. Our priorities and capabilities are different too. By wed, usually we are already 3/4 dead and the fatigue really causes a huge dip in our performance. Normally I am strong enough to just "peh" for the stunts but on wed and thur when my energy is almost used up, i can't even back-spot and cradle Luting back properly...

I just hope my right shoulder will be alright.